Dreams of Reality
by the yellow flower
Summary: Modern beginnings. It was that of a 'normal' life that I lived. Nothing too amazing. But he forbids me to speak of that life. He says it was a dream. And if this torture continues, I may just begin to believe him. COMPLETE!
1. What I Was

**Disclaimer: If I owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be writing for a phanphiction site; I'd just publish what I had and let everyone bask in it... well no one's basking... guess that can only mean so many things...**

**a/n: well i got myself a beta! Elentir thank you so much for helping me with these chapters! this is my second time putting out chapters 1-5 so i hope i can please more of you this time! **

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**Chapter One - _What I Was_**

I was no one of too many specialties. I was one of the millions of millions of people on this Earth. If a person were to walk down a crowded street in a big city, they would have never ever stopped to take a second glance at me. One reason for that was that I was short, five feet even, nothing more, nothing less, so it was a miracle for people of the ever-growing height to see me at all. Secondly, my hair is a dark brown that is never straightened to shine like many girls of that time did. Thirdly, and most importantly, I was nowhere near famous. So why would anyone look down at me? What would be the point? As much as I tried, I was seen a regular, normal, female, human being in an average American town.

I'll start with a little bit of background before I go into something climatic. I was sixteen and was a young sophomore going to an arts school and studying to be an actress of the stage. My life wasn't near perfect, no, not in the least perfect. My 'father' had left my mother, sister and I at a younger age; and even though he only moved ten minutes away, I never truly called him 'Dad' again. I had my guy issues too. I had a small, yet highly complicated love life, which resulted in minimal 'boyfriends'. My sister ended up leaving to do an internship for a theme park in Florida , leaving my mother and two dogs home to live with me in our small, but pleasant home. I had a wonderful and supporting family as well as the most fantastic friends could ever ask for…

Just thinking of that old life now, just makes me sad. How I miss it all so much! Even though now I am allowed to have two daily outings a month… no it is still not nearly enough for me! I miss them all so… I should have been going to college. My grades were exceptionally high, I had a job at a fast food restaurant, and my life was particularly blessed as far as lives went. No, I wasn't nearly as rich as I am now, but I would trade it all in an instant just to have what I had back.

I will never really know why he chose me. I will never really know why he ever chose to love me. I am not the prettiest person in this world. I never viewed myself as abnormally beautiful as he would view me. I was not the nicest person in the world. At times I was shy and insecure about everything which caused me to stray away from people and talk in mumbles. I wasn't the best actress. I had many shows for different companies, but nothing amazing like Broadway. As much as I willed my voice not to lose its high notes above the staff, I was losing them nonetheless and becoming a low alto. Alto's had a strong reign over the stage with their belting abilities, but my dream was to play Christine Daae for The Phantom of the Opera at the Majestic Theatre on Broadway.

As a younger child I used to dream I could be her and share her adventures that she never wanted to have. I wanted to have her beauty and her innocence. I remember dancing around my room singing to my invisible Phantom of the Opera. I read books and grew an obsession with the fascinating story she told. I wanted her voice. Her angelic voice was sure to give me that shot on stage. But I was not she. Everyone at school believed that if there were a modern day Christine, it would be me; shy, forgiving, innocent, caring, little me.

Little did they know, their predictions would soon be proved correct.

It was near the end of the school year. Exams and advanced placement course test were approaching and I was a stressed out nervous wreak. My sleep, which I always took so much care of, was the main thing I began to lack. How I yearned for sleep at that time, but the alarm on my clock seemed to come earlier and earlier each morning. It was the day of my first advanced placement exam when it all happened. The day before had been horrible. Rehearsals for my next show were also making me depressed due to the sad part I had to play. My relationship status was slowly recovering from a hurtful friendship and I was so fed up with life around me. Mom and I were in a fight because we were both so stressed out. My dog even seemed to be mad at me. I wanted to run away and get far from everything in my life that brought me down. There seemed to be no escape as much as I tried, I could find no escape.

But there was an escape in the end.

I didn't see the eighteen-wheel truck lose control on the way down the highway ramp. I was yawning and the sun was shinning in my eyes. My mind was impaired and my loud music could no longer keep me in tune with the road. Down the ramp the truck sped. He could hardly see my little green Saturn on the road before him. Speeding down the ramp he flew: faster and faster blowing his horn knowing there was nothing he could do to stop the heavy load behind him.

The last thing I saw was a huge red truck hitting the dent in the center of the median with thundering speed. It flew up to my side of the road until I could see no more as I tried to speed up in time to miss the impact. I could only feel the sudden guilt of my seat as it flew backwards into the ceiling while the front of a truck landed on the trunk of my car with pounding force.

After that incident, I'm afraid to say I never really woke up to that life again.

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	2. Where is Mom?

**Disclaimer: I own my socks, my dog, my bug catcher and my hair; I don't own Phantom of the Opera.**

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**Chapter Two - _Where's Mom?_**

I woke up not knowing how long I had been out. I tried moving my head: this only gave me a headache. That caused me to give up and stay still. The bed seemed so nice under my weight. I was sure that by now I had reached the hospital. It was surprising that the room wasn't any louder. Wasn't my mom with me by now? Had I just gotten to the hospital and the doctors were deciding whom to call first? Maybe my Mom was asleep near my bed. Shouldn't some machine be going off though? To show that I had woken up or something? That was my first time in the hospital, but I was sure something was bound to notice I was alive.

I had to open my eyes. I had to see what was happening around me. I needed to know what had happened and what my family would be required to do to fix it. What did my body look like? I had prayed it wasn't beat up from the crash. Maybe I could still take my tests and get back to life so that I could go to college. I had to open my eyes and return.

Slits grew from my eye-holes letting in the most painful light I've ever had to experience at one time. At first I couldn't see a thing. My eyes had a great difficulty adjusting to what was around me. The light was dim and coming from a single source in beside my head. I turned away. Why is there a lamp beside me and not above me?

Sometimes I wish my eyes had never adjusted, but they did indeed adjust in good time. I was on a large fully bed that sat in the center of a medium sized room. I never really knew what Louis-Phillipe style was until I had it in front of me. Dark wood, I could quite say what kind, but it looked sturdy enough. I'm not going to go into detail of what every thing looked like exactly since the style is still present today and it was only in my lack of intellect that I personally didn't know what it was exactly at the time.

Where was Mom? Why were these walls painted when they should be white and dull? Where were the cords whose needles were supposed to disturb my as they fed liquid into my skin? Why was there a mere antique looking lamp lighting the room? What happened to the doctors? Don't they care that I'm awake? This couldn't possibly be a hospital… Mom, mom where are you…?

"Mom?"

The sound passed my lips with great uncertainty. It was hoarse and somehow all my previous questions seemed to come out in that one word all at once. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"Mom?"

I said this a little louder in hopes she would hear. Maybe she was just in another room… but there was no other room around me except for the bathroom, which I'm sure led to no hallway. I wanted to get up and check, just in case, but it hurt so much just trying to put weight on my elbow to get up. Mom had to come to me.

"Mom! Mom! Where are you? I'm awake now! Mom! Mom! Aren't you here? Mom!"

This time my words were louder and shaking with panic. Mom! I wanted my mom! Why wasn't anyone coming to see me? By now I was making much noise. In my anxiety I started crying. First the tears came slowly, only causing an annoyance for my eyes; then they came gushing out of my eyes. I wished I could whip them away, but it was such a burden to lift my arms to my face. I felt so alone and helpless. I gave one last attempt to cry out for my mom.

"Mom! Mamma please…!"

I heard footsteps escaping from what seemed to be the other side of the wall. They were approaching with fast, heavy, steps. Mom never made steps like that. No, this wasn't my mom.

The wall (well I had never noticed a door there before) opened with force and a tall tired-looking man came into the room. I studied him from top to bottom. Form my rather limited knowledge of correct vocabulary terms for costumes of the theatre, I was able to gather the following description: it was late 1900's fashion; a jet black coat with buttons that covered a white turnover shirt collar and a floppy bow tie with matching black waistcoat and trousers.

The strangest thing of all, was a single black mask, that appeared to made out of satin, which covered his entire face revealing only four holes: two small ones for his nose, and two larger ones for his two eyes (which I couldn't see, I thought it was just the light; how wrong I was then). He reminded me of Erik from the Phantom of the Opera book and I would have laughed if I weren't so occupied with finding my mom. He didn't look like a doctor, but the room didn't look like a hospital either.

"My dear, I heard you cry out." He seemed to take a greater notice at me, "darling, what is the matter? Why do you cry? You know your tears give me such unhappiness."

His words seemed to be in a completely different language to my ears. But there was something different about them, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. He did have a very nice speaking voice though.

"Are you… a doctor…?" was all I could manage to get out.

His head cocked to one side in confusion.

"Christine, are you feeling somber? You took a nasty bump to the head a few days ago. I'm glad to see you awake at all."

"No, I was in a car accident. Did the police not tell you? A truck ran off the road and hit my car. Where is my mom? I want to talk to her."

He walked to my bed and rested his hand on my forehead. His hand was cold, but because I was overheated from crying and screaming, it felt relaxing to my skin.

"You are warm, Christine, but not sick."

Christine? Who was Christine?

"Who is Christine? Why do you keep calling me Christine?" I asked weakly

"My dear, you are Christine," he said in a worried tone.

"No, my name is Rachel, Rachel Carson. I think one of us is in the wrong room. I'm still at the hospital, right?"

He looked into my eyes and even though I could not see his, I felt them gaze into my own. He then shook his head and took out a cotton white handkerchief. With the gentlest movements he proceeded to wipe away my tears. He even ended up putting the cloth under my nose and told me to blow out any remaining residue. I allowed it thinking it was a pity of a kind doctor in a strange hospital. It was when he started to run his hand from my hairline of my forehead down to my ear that I flinched.

"What are you doing?" I asked losing strength.

"Darling, what do you mean-"

"And why do you call me that? No one says things like that anymore. Who are you and where is my mom?"

"Christine, your mother died when you were three. You hardly ever knew her. You lived with your father, remember?"

"No! My mom is not dead. She's alive! We were in a fight this morning!"

"Darling," he rested his hand on my head again, "you were dreaming."

"No, no," I tried to shake it off, "you don't understand. I want my mom! Where is she? Bring her to me! This isn't funny!"

"Christine, Christine listen to me, darling-" he put a hand on my shoulder to keep me from staining myself to rise up.

"No, no, you listen! My name is Rachel. I was in a car crash. I want my mom. You can't touch me without her consent. I can have you fired-"

"I am not a doctor."

What does he mean 'he is _not_ a doctor'?

"Where am I?" I asked unsure as the pitch in my voiced heightened like a child.

"In the house by the lake. You are in your room, darling."

"My…room…?"

"Yes, Christine, your room."

I was dreaming; I had to be. Was I really becoming the one I had read about for so long? That Christine Daae I used to dream about as a child. Who else could I be? Here was this masked man, tall and dark and here I was in 'the house by the lake' in 'my elegant room'. I laughed aloud at myself. This had to be a dream!

"Why are you laughing?" he said sternly.

"Because this is a dream from some sort of comma, I'm sure! You're not really real!" I laughed

He picked up my hand suddenly, and shook it a bit. I felt the urgency from him run up my arm and it started to hurt.

"Do you feel that?" he asked

"I…"

"You can't feel anything in dreams, Christine. Do you feel me shaking your hand? Does it hurt you at all? I never want to hurt you, Christine. Don't let me hurt you!"

I wouldn't say anything in my own denial. I didn't want to feel the swelling pain crawl up my arm. I noticed that there was a cut on my arm that was rather large and took up a middle third portion of my arm. That's why my arm hurt so much, it was hardly healed at all yet. The swelling hurt only until the pain became unbearable that I had to make him stop. I could feel it. If I was dreaming how could I feel it all? How could I possibly feel such pain from all the sudden movement? Now I don't even remember feeling the accident. Shouldn't the accident hurt? Why don't I remember that kind of hurt? I started to cry again in my realization that this was no dream.

"You do feel it don't you?" he stopped shaking and let my arm down while beginning to pet my hand lightly, "The reason you believe you're in so much pain is only because you are so used to that dream you had. It sounds like a bad nightmare. But I'm here now, darling. There's nothing to fear now. Oh, my dear angel, don't cry, don't cry. Your tears should never be wasted on something so light as a dream."

His harsh actions of only a few seconds ago eased once more to wipe the tears from my eyes. I started to whimper now. How torturously weak I was!

"Darling, hush now. You need a sweet rest to bring you back your that glamorous smile only you can give."

"I want Mom…" I said wearily

"Shh, don't say anymore, little one."

"Where did I get the cut from?"

He surveyed the cut on my arm intensely. He ran his fingers over it with much delicacy. As he moved further up my arm I flinched as I suddenly felt a sting of pain.

"Ouw," I whimpered

"Why Christine," he said slowly, "it was from the other night…"

"What?"

"Yes, the night when you decided… to stay."

"No. No, no I wasn't here the other night! No, I was at home! My home! Mine! I was in a car accident!" I was screaming as much as I could. I seemed to believe that if I talked louder, he might actually hear me. It only ended in a headache. A cold, horrible headache that transformed into a migraine within minutes.

"Christine, darling, we will talk in the morning. I think it would be best if I heard all these absurd happenings from your dream. But now you need sleep. It is not yet morning and your body cannot stay up much longer and still be healthy. You just close those beautiful eyes of yours and drift away to sleep. Everything will feel better when you wake."

He began to pet my head the way he had before. It felt so nice: his cold hands on my hot head. I tried so hard to resist falling asleep. I wanted answers terribly, but my rising tiredness kept me from opening my mouth for anything, but a moan. He spoke wonderfully sweet words to me that I have forgotten by now. His voiced seemed to coo in my ears as the world around me became black and some how (I must have been drugged) I fell into sleep.

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	3. Forgotten Remembrance

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux, I'd be a lot weathier. I have $2. Nope, no Leroux here...

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** **Chapter Three - _Forgotten Remembrance_**

I am only guessing that I woke up the next "morning". It was only a few minutes before I noticed the "wall" opening again. That didn't give me nearly enough time to think about my situation, as I would have liked. I saw the wall opened more as he stepped in with a tray of food in his hands. I hadn't even had time to think about how hungry I was.

"It's delightful to see you awake, darling. I brought your breakfast so that you would not have to strain yourself to get out of bed. But do not get used to it. I will expect you to get up and eat at the table with me once you have fully recovered." He said setting the small table on the drawer near the bed, "do you need any assistance sitting up?"

He walked closer to where I lay. He towered over little me and I looked up to his mask with wide eyes of a child. I could move again without too much pain, or so it seemed at the time. I was hungry and I was willing to bite through pain to survive with the gift of food. I lifted my elbows back so that they were under my shoulders lifting me upward. My body shook with the new weight on such a small bony surface. My whole body began to ache in protest until I felt myself beginning to fall. Before I collapsed into the bed, two hands caught my back. Thin long hands took my underarms with a caressing strength and lifted my up on the big pillows behind my back.

"Ouw." I let it escape my lips.

"Oh darling! Did I hurt you? Are you in pain?"

"No, no, I'm just… just so weak…" I said with a sigh wondering if I should have admitted that or not.

"You are in need of food, my dear. I tried to bring you something light so that it would not conflict with your stomach." He brought the table to set on my lap, "here, Christine."

I looked down to see a plate filled with apples, peaches and grapes, as well as a roll and butter. It looked wonderful to my hungry eyes and taste buds. I started for the plate, but stopped. Where did the food come from? And who made it.

"I don't know you." I said, "how can I trust you?"

"Christine, you must know me. You said you would… Have you forgotten it all?" he said moaning in sadness

"There was nothing to forget! Nothing happened!"

"Darling please," he pleaded with unearthly sadness, "don't tell me you forgot all of it! Don't you remember me, angel?"

He had taken my hand and shook it with persistence in wanting an answer. Nothing happened! There is nothing to remember for me! I wasn't here living this life! I was living my own life! I wanted to go home- my home. I didn't want to be forced to remember that which never happened to me.

"But it never happened to me. I am not Christine! She is dead- the died a hundred years ago. I'm in no relation to her! I know her story. I read her story- it's not real! It's not real!"

"What do you know then of 'her' story?" he asked intently

"She was an amazing singer who used sing at the Paris Opera House. She lived with her father until he died. He told her and Raoul stories of the Angel of Music and the Phantom of the Opera used those stories to teach her to sing. Then he abducted her multiple times until he forced her to marry him for everyone's lives! Then she left with Raoul and the Phantom died. It's a story that's been told hundreds to times by hundreds of people. It was said to be fiction from the author after he said it was real in every aspect. It was my favorite musical even. It inspired me to pursue acting. But it's not real. Not in this time. I am not of that time!"

He sat down on the bed and looked down.

"Whoever told this 'story'," he said darkly, " was not right. You did not run away with the boy and I am not dead. And a musical!" he put his head back and began to laugh, "what an insane idea! I've never even heard of the term! How low an idea that would be next to a grand opera! And the Phantom of the Opera! I do like it, don't you? I would like to meet this 'author' and have a word with him!"

I looked at him in horror. He was accusing me of insanity. I soon would be accusing me of sanity if things continue as they were. Tears welled in my eyes. I was alone. I felt so terribly alone in the world. I wanted my mom. She would believe me!

He looked back at me and softened his posture.

"You don't believe me! Oh I want my mom! She would believe me! I want to leave! I want to go home!"

"But Christine," he said eerily, "you are home. Remember our agreement now? You must stay with me, my love! The boy will surely die if you do not! We both know that! This author of yours got something terribly wrong! What I am beginning to fear is that this author is you after all! This dream of yours is indeed a dream! It's what you want, isn't it? You want the boy over me, don't you my dear? Well, you're just going to have to dream harder! I'll just be sure to keep you awake so that you can only think of me and not the boy! No more dreaming for you! I don't ever want to hear about it ever again! You will belong to me and only me in a number of days once you recover. So eat up! The quicker you recover, the sooner we can be wed, and the sooner our happiness can finally be reached. By that time you won't even be able to think of the boy again for you will be so happy with me, you won't even want to look back!"

He sounded insane! Insane! It was just like the book! I was Christine! My life was ending as he went on and on about how 'happy' we would be! What a madman! With the same bone-chilling laughter Christine spoke frequently of in the book, I heard him walk out the door. Mom, Mom how I need you! How I desperately need you!

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	4. Rachel

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I could speak French... Bonjar?

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Chapter Four - _Rachel_**

Days passed. I stayed in bed. I couldn't for the life of me get up. I feel into a pit of despair. I was confused and lost in that room. I thought about everything until there was nothing left in the world for me to think about. He would come in and feed me three meals a day. He talked and sometimes I would talk back, but after a while, when he asked me a question, I would only sit there until tears would fall out. At first, only my tears would come out of the silence, but after a time of silence and no response from me in the least, he would be the one to begin crying. When he did that the first time, I starred at him until I cried out in frustration with my own tears. "Get out!" I screamed. At this he brought his shaking hands to my face. He took it in those long thin hands of his and held it. My head, he held there starring at me. I tried to move away from the mask that kept shedding tears. I started to shake uncontrollably as he wouldn't let go. "Let go." I said and surprisingly, he did as if slapped in the face. He crawled out of the room and I didn't see him until lunch the next day. He didn't say a word. He only set down my food and walked out. I didn't even care to look at him, I only heard him move through the room then leave.

After what seemed like hours of endless sobbing on everything around me, I found filling below my stomach. It pushed and blew like a balloon and I knew I had to somehow get to the bathroom. I had built up strength since I had first woken up. I heaved myself over the side of the bed. That was when I saw what I was wearing. This will make me sound stupid, but I had never looked below me to see what I was wearing ever since I woke. It was gown of cotton that came down to the floor. There were buttons extending from my neckline to my feet. It was shoot sleeve and around the arms, neck and leg openings, there was a delicate lace trip. It was simple and yet beautiful.

I then noticed how I had been sweating. It was disgusting where and how my body had been perspiring, but I didn't want to think about that just then. I had to stand. I didn't want to put weight on my knees so I pushed up off the bed with my arms. It must have taken a long time, but after stumbling around the room, I reached the bathroom and shut the door putting my weight on the doorknob behind me. The toilet wasn't too far off. All it took was a few excruciating steps forward. I reached the toilet and felt relief. After another long time of resting I knew that I needed to get back to the bed. When I got up, I found no strength. I feel on the doorknob and squeezed it up. I threw myself to the bed, tried to catch the comforter that covered it, and fell hard on the floor with the comforter still clasped tightly in my hand. I felt it fall over my body and I shivered at how the top of it was cold after being uninhabited for the while. My light was fading when I saw from under the bed two feet come from the wall. They paused for a moment then quickly stepped over to me. I couldn't move away.

"Oh Rachel, what have you done?" was what I heard several feet above me.

A moan escaped from my mouth. He sighed and I felt and arm slip under my shoulders and knees. I wanted to run, but there was nothing I could do. I felt as he squeezed me close to him as he stood there for a moment with my head resting on his shoulder. Now he was warm and I was cold. It was nice to be so close to something so warm and inviting. He held me as if I weighed nothing at all.

Instead of setting me down on that side of the bed, he walked around and laid me down on the other side where I had been before. He straightened the comforter over my body and proceeded to "tuck" me in. My eyes were open just enough to watch him do this. He then reached his hand above my eyes and to my forehead. For some reason I felt that he would slap me and I forcefully shut my eyes preparing for impact. But I was not hit. He took that hand, rested it on my forehead, then slid it down to my cheek. It was then I felt something different, something soft made contact right above my eyes. My eyelids shot up to just see him pull his head away. His hand remained on my cheek. I looked up to his face, his mask. What was behind it? Was he really deformed…? What was his name…?

"What…?" I said quietly and softly

"Do not speak, darling."

"But what…?"

"No, no, not now, stay quiet." He cooed moving his hand from my cheek until resting his fingers on my lips. I felt his eyes on my lips as he traced them then ran those fingers down my neck and up to my cheek again. It felt wonderful to my skin, but terrible to my heart. I didn't know him, why was he touching me? Knowing that he wouldn't let me speak, I had to communicate somehow. So I started to cry.

"No, no darling, little one, do not cry. I did not hurt you did I? Why would you cry if I did not hurt you? Rachel, don't do this…"

_Rachel_! My name Rachel! My name! Not Christine! My name! Mine! I let a smile escape to my face. I wanted to inquire on why he suddenly was calling me by my actually name. My mouth opened, but he shut it up again.

"Do not speak, Rachel. Yes, 'Rachel', because you respond to it. You stopped responding to Christine, so I will call you Rachel, only until you remember everything."

My smile went away, but not for long, for he began to sing and that flawless singing led me to a sound sleep. Maybe he was Erik after all.

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	5. Laughing Tears

**Disclaimer: If I owned Phantom of the Opera, the original I mean, I'd be dead.**

**thanks again to my beta Elentir!**

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**Chapter Five - _Laughing Tears_**

The next morning I woke to the wonderful aroma of freshly baked bread. Sleep had really done me well that night and I opened my eyes easily. I expected to see him sitting on the bed with a tray on my lap, but the tray lay beside me on the night stand with the lamp and he was no where to be seen. I didn't really care. I wanted to eat! I was strong enough get the try and put in on my lap. Mixed berries were in the bread! It looked so wonderful to my lusting stomach. I ate it with quick ease. It was so much simpler when he wasn't watching me do it! Once I was done with everything on my plate (which also included eggs and ham), I set the tray back on the night-stand. It felt amazing to have a full stomach again. I slipped farther under my sheets and sighed. This bed was so comfortable! It's as if it were made just for me!

I stretched out for the first time and suddenly curled back into a ball. Stinging pains flew through my whole body. I wondered why and it was only until later when I was changing clothes that I realized all sorts of cuts and bruises. He would say it was when I took a 'nasty fall' the night I said 'yes'. I was still curled up into my protection ball with I heard him come in.

I was completely under the covers except for a few locks of hair that sprouted out the top.

"Hmm," said he, "Where is Rachel… I was sure she was here this morning…"

Is he playing with me? I actually smiled and chuckled under my little tent.

"I was sure Rachel would be here when I returned…" I heard him walk to the bathroom, "No, she is not hiding in there, so where could she possibly be? Wait a moment, how did that big lump get to be in the bed? Is that what happened to my Rachel? Was she swallowed under the bed?"

I felt a poke in the back, which made me giggle.

"I heard it laugh in there… Maybe that is my little Rachel in there after all. What if I were to poke it again…?"

He poked me again and again making my giggle turn to a laugh. His poke turned into a tickle. This only made me curl up tighter. I was laughing so hard I felt tears slide down my cheeks. I tried to roll away only to be caught by strong arms and pulled back toward him. I tried to reach out to grab anything to would keep me from getting to close. It was all a game until his arms spread across my chest cress-crossed so that I couldn't get free. I started trying even harder to break free; struggling with what might I had as I tried to take his arms off me. That only made his arm move to my waist where he could get an easier hold. I attempted to push them down, but he only squeezed tighter. But I stopped fighting when he started to speak. If nothing else worked, communication may have.

"I thought that was you under there!" he teased behind me

"Oh, who else would it be?" I pushed on his arms again, "hey, let me go!"

He laughed lightly and said "no".

I started pushing again and he started tickling me again! I started to thrash from side to side in my instincts to get away from a tickling. I laughed aloud until I begged him to stop. When I tried to catch my breath I heard him laughing softly behind my ear again. I then felt him kiss the back of my head. He never took his head back to where it was, only resting it on top of mine. It was at that moment that I truly became scared, but I also became fearless almost at the same time. I know that makes no sense whatsoever, but it was true. I was shivering, but I was not afraid. It was as if my body knew to be scared, but my mind was not. It was an ongoing conflict that I never have been able to settle since then. I sighed.

"What is wrong, darling? You are shivering. You should know you have no reason to be afraid…"

I sighed again and let my head drop.

"Darling?" he set me back on his arm as if to cradle me so he could peer into my eyes.

"Mom…" I whispered straying from his holes

"Oh little one…" he made my head rest on his shoulder as he stroked my hair.

I was not tired, but everything felt too wonderful to be a dream. Yet, I was still sad. I wanted my mom again. Like a little lost kid, I wanted my mom. Tears started to slide down my cheeks. He noticed, of course, and proceeded to wipe the tears away.

"Shh, dearest, don't do this."

I didn't say anything. I only let the tears fall.

"Please do not cry, I do not want you to cry, not ever… You were laughing just a few moments ago. What happened to my angel? Don't cry, don't cry…"

I cried anyway, but this time it wasn't like how I had been crying before. I didn't feel so alone anymore. I was actually with someone. He didn't believe I was in a car accident, but at least it was somebody. I didn't even know his name…

"May I ask you something?" I whispered to his chest.

"Anything that you wish, my love."

I shivered a bit at what he said.

"What, what is your name?"

"Darling, have you forgotten so much?"

"Please, just, won't you…?"

"Yes, yes," he said adjusting for a more comfortable position, "I am Erik."

"Just like the book…"

"Or the dream."

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**was that flirting in there...? what do you think? review!**


	6. Surprise?

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I'd be a man. No, I'm not a man!**

**a/n: finally a new chapter! sorry this one is a bit short, but hey i didn't think it was too bad... i don't know, what do you all think? thanks again to my beta Elentir!**

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**Chapter Six - _Surprise?_**

The next few days were somewhat pleasant. I tried to not think about the actual situation I believed I was in. I found it beneficial to just play along with Erik's 'game'. If my 'father' ever taught me anything, it was that if a person tells them self that they are at home to their mind, the mind accepts it and they might survive longer. That worked for a while and I continued to play along referring to my old life as a dream. I only did that in my mind of course, I never admitted to him that I was truly trying to accept this new life.

I allowed him to serve me all my meals as usual. I allowed him to flirt and read to me at night. I allowed him to call me pet names even. I allowed him all of this in his, now our, little game we played. I actually found it pleasurable even. He would also let me lean on his weight in order to reach the bathroom each day. It was a kind gesture. Usually, when I was finished, he wouldn't even allow me to walk back to the bed. He would simply pick me up and tuck me back in. Erik also gave me full entertainment any time I became bored. We would play card games (something that surprised him because I knew how to play so many games). He would also show my card tricks as well as other magic tricks. It was much better than TV!

My strength was returning quickly. I was so glad for it too. Once after waking up I needed to use the bathroom. It must have been very early because I found no breakfast waiting for me. I was also more tired then usual. Just the end of one of my three sleeping cycles, I thought. On my way out to the bed I looked to the corner and saw Erik standing there starring at the door where I was.

It scared me making me gasp and step back. What was he doing in here?

"Erik! What- what are you doing… in here?" I stuttered out.

"You, my dear, you stood up and walked… do you feel faint at all?"

"No, no not really. I just had to use the… but," I said slowly getting an ere sense from him, "I'd like to go back to bed. I… I am still tired…"

"Yes, to bed…"

It's impossible to explain what I saw in his eyes as I crept silently and swiftly back to my bed. It was almost as if those eyes that seemed to glow in the dim light had hands sprouting from them and nearly grabbing me. I saw something in those eyes that I had seen in movies, but never at me: _lust_.

I walked slowly to the bed not taking my eyes off him as I crawled in. I felt safer under those sheets and I wanted to stay under them as much as possible when he was in the room. He slowly, with heavy steps, walked over to where I lay. He only stood over me, watching, waiting even, but for what? I couldn't take it.

"Please, I need to sleep. Please don't look over me like that." I said shyly

"Christine, you can walk fine, you feel much better, no?"

"Well, yes, I do feel much better."

"Then you will join me for breakfast tomorrow at the table? You are well enough to do that?"

I looked away from him.

"I don't know where…"

"Where the dinning room is? You don't remember?"

"No…"

"Then I will come knock for you in the morning. There is something, something I want to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Well, it is a surprise."

"Really? A surprise? For me?" I was getting excited and he also seemed to do the same at my reaction.

"Yes, darling, a surprise, just for you."

"Tell me what it is!"

"No, no, then it won't be a surprise will it?"

I tried to speak again and he stopped me.

"Now, you go to sleep."

"But I'm not tired anymore!"

"If you don't go back to sleep, there will be no surprise in the morning. I'll leave you. Go to sleep, little angel."

"But-"

"Good night, darling." He said casually turning down my lamp and walking out the door.

Recalling that night makes me shiver to think what I would find as my 'surprise' the next day. For a time that seemed like forever, I had wished I had never fallen back asleep, still I know that even if I hadn't, he would have found a way to 'surprise' me anyway.

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**hmmmm what could that surprise be you wonder? review to find out!**


	7. Preparation for Breakfast

**Disclaimer: Hmmm let's see, if I owned Phantom of the Opera, I'd probably be out of my pj's by now.**

**a/n: thank you all so much for your reviews! i'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far! this chapter is short, but i promise if you give me reviews i'll have the next chapter out by the middle of the week! **

**thanks again to Elentir my beta**

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**Chapter Seven - _Preparation for Breakfast_**

When I woke up, I actually felt giddy. I ran to the bathroom as if I had already adopted it as my own. I stared down at the Victorian nightgown that I wore. It needed to come off eventually. I knew that much. He had given no inclination of harm to me at all or at least up till then. What had made me pause was that look he had given me the night before. 'Lust', I thought, a never-ending pool of lust that was glowing in those dark eyes that only he possessed.

I turned the knob on the tub to allow the steamy water pour out into the marble tub. It was pink marble: that tub! Pink! I didn't even realize that existed up until then! The only pink rock I had heard of was the pink granite that rested in Martha Stuart's driveway that was taken out for special occasions.

If anything convinced me to take a bath that day, it was the beauty of that tub. Foolish, I know, but I was still very young then.

After the most amazing bubble bath of my life, I found the closet. I gasped at what I saw before me. Rows of shoes, hats, gloves, dresses, ribbons – everything, all at my finger tips. Once walking past that, dress after dress after dress all lined up along the walls. I felt like I was at Dillard's again with my mom as I picked up more and more dresses to try on.

It all seemed unreal. It must have been a dream – or so I thought at the time. I would have tried on every dress I could, but I remembered breakfast and the surprise that waited for me there. Yellow – my favorite color – shinned brightly out of the pile I had picked up. It was simple, not too much, not too little, but so pretty in my eyes. I slipped it on, but it wouldn't button up my waist. I didn't fit! I sat down and pouted. 'What if none of them fit?' I thought again. I pried through other dresses, but they all were the same. Then it hit me – these dresses, all required a corset!

I had helped friends in multiple shows with their corsets before and it was in that limited knowledge that I found one in a drawer in my room and laced up the back. I thanked God that I was already relatively small and that air was still allowed somehow into my lungs after all.

When the knock on the door was heard in my ears, I was found starring into at full rotating mirror. I had already spent an eternity sitting at the dresser fixing my hair with all the interesting and lovely tools that lay so peacefully on the top. I felt like such a child spinning and swishing my dress skirt from side to side in the mirror. I felt like a goddess of some sort, twirling and dancing in my own little haven. I knock rang out suddenly and I ran to the bed for protection.

"Christine, are you all ready for your surprise?" came a cheery voice from behind the door.

My surprise! It was that thought of a surprise that led my slippered feet to the door. I glanced back to the mirror one last time and let a smile escape. With that smile, I opened the door.

The tall man looked down at me. He must have been over six feet! At first he had a loss for words. I saw from under his mask that his jaw had dropped. I blushed and looked down. My hands twiddled together and after a while I began to feel terribly uncomfortable in the thought that the same eyes from the night before gazed at me now. I couldn't bring myself to look up at those eyes again.

"Good morning," I said unsure once the smile had disappeared.

"Oh, how it brings me joy to see you doing so well, this most beautiful morning."

Another strange and acquired silence.

"Well, shall we go have something to eat?" he asked lifting his arm.

None the less, I took that arm with hardly any thought, and with that small gesture, I let myself be led freely to my doom.

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**yes, i totally did incoorporate Martha Stuart and Dillards (because the really do have awesome dresses!) into this chapter. and i don't own those either fyi. **

**more reviews means more posts in the week!**


	8. Breakfast

**Disclaimer: If I owned Phantom of the Opera, this story would already be finished.**

**thanks again to my beta Elentir.**

**a/n: thanks for all of your reviews as always. i must say i wrote the errr... sixteenth? chapter last night and it is some major excitement in the develpement of christine and erik after their marri- oh wait i couldn't possibly spoil the surprise now! keep reading and reviewing to find out!**

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**Chapter Eight - _Breakfast_**

Because of the events that happened after breakfast I find it hard to remember anything during breakfast. I ate my food quickly because he said I would need a full stomach to hear the surprise. This excited me. I curse my excitement now that I know that what was to happen next. I'll begin with me finishing all my food.

"All right, I've eaten, what's my surprise?" I said with growing thrill.

"Oh, darling, how it joys me to see you so happy about this." He said proudly

"Well, what is it?" I said pressing into the table looking across to him.

He got up from his chair and walked over to me. I wasn't thinking and I should have been nervous as this close encounter, but I wasn't. I was too excited about nothing. He knelt down in front of me and took my hands that were resting in my lap. He looked down at how his hand completely covered my own before looking up at me.

"Darling, I, I… Well, tomorrow will be Friday."

Will it? I really didn't know to be sure.

"So, what about tomorrow?" I pressed on.

"Well, darling, what about tomorrow? Would that be all right? To, to do it tomorrow?"

"What my surprise?"

"Yes, but, the surprise, well, you all ready should have known it was coming."

"What? What is coming?"

He finally looked up at me meeting my eyes.

"Our marriage."

_What_?

"Our… what?" I said breathlessly

"Yes, I wanted to wait until you were well again and in seeing you last night I thought-"

"Wait what marriage? I never agreed to marry you!" It was now that I started to feel the corset cut into my sides as my breath quickened.

"Do not play tricks with me on such a serious topic."

"No, no, I didn't, I mean I'm not, no, no, I'm not getting married! I'm too young!"

He laughed, "Dear one, you are of perfect age."

"I'm only sixteen! I need parental permission to get married! I need to finish school! I can't get married!" I was near screaming now.

"Sixteen? Darling, you are of twenty years. And permission? Permission from whom may I ask?"

"Mom…" I whimpered, "I want Mom!"

"You don't have a mother, you have no one left."

I looked at him in horror. I had had everything at home, what on earth was he talking about?

"No," I said darkly, "this isn't real. This can't be real. I have friends, family, a life! This is not real! None of this is real! I can't be real! Mom!"

"So this is how you repay me for everything? By trying to forget everything that has ever happened?"

"Nothing happened!"

"Everything happened Christine –"

"I'm not Christine!"

Fire burned from his eyes.

"You so much as dare interrupt me, you child. I know why you say you don't remember. It is for you don't wish to remember! This dream is what you really want to happen and you can't accept the truth unfolding around those precious eyes of yours! You were the one who agreed to be my wife. I did not force you it was your choice! Yours!"

Tears rolled down my face.

"But I didn't choose anything – "

"Silence!" he boomed, "You are trying to forget! But Erik will never let his Christine forget anything that has happened no matter how hard she tries to dream! But by tomorrow Christine will be his and only his. She will not dream tomorrow night!"

I could only sob now. I could yell and scream all I wanted and he would never hear me. My tears only made him angrier.

"What? You cry? Is this how you react to your surprise? Tears of sadness…? Or could these possibly be tears of joy? Joy for Christine's new husband, perhaps? Is that why she cries so hard that I can feel her golden tears drop to my hands that cover her own. Come, darling, you must have your rest. You must be tired now! Such excitement has surely worn you out completely! I can't have a dead bride tomorrow! No, no! I shall have my living bride! A living bride like everyone else! That is what my lovely little darling said to me!"

"I'm n-not her – "

"Of course you are her. Why wouldn't you be? My little darling! You are shaking! Has the excitement shaken you so much as to make you tremble? Ah, I can make my wife-to-be tremble with love! I, after everything, I make my dear tremble with love! With this spender of my genius she trembles! How I shall love my new little wife tomorrow! She shall feel loved like no other!"

I sobbed out loud. He suddenly took me by the arms and roughly stood me up. He forced me to his chest. Holding me tight, I felt that I couldn't breathe because of the squeezing on my body. My upper chest, where I had learned to breathe with a corset, was too close to his frame for air to be let in. I started to gasp and found it even harder to breathe through the congestion of my tears.

He began to sway to and fro with me so close to him. His head rested on top of mine again and I could no longer move at all unless it was the same to and fro movement he had also. I wasn't sure if he was trying to dance or something, but the movement made my head spin with dizziness.

"Don't cry little darling. It shall be all right. Come tomorrow you should not ever have to cry again for I will be there for you always."

He squeezed tighter.

"I can't breathe!" I gasped

"I make you breathless now! Oh Christine what happiness you give me! What more could a man ask for?"

"I can't – "

"Now, now, don't talk any more. It is not needed any longer. I know how you feel, for I feel it too. Come back to your room."

He slid my body across the floor with no help from me. I was still tight to his chest. I couldn't breathe! I could see the bed coming closer, but I never felt the cushion. I had passed out completely.

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**what's going to happen next? will rachel really go through with it? or will she have a choice in the matter? review to find out!!**


	9. Point of Hits

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, you can believe it that I'd be living it large in Paris, France... Greensboro, North Carolina... not so much...**

**a/n: thanks again to the growing reviews! hope everyone finds this chapter highly interesting.**

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**Chapter Nine - _Point of Hits_**

In every moment of my life I have a 'hitting point' that would happen sometime before a show, or a test, or some sort of special, or stressful, occasion. I choose not to think of anything too deeply until that occasion or occurrence plays out. I still to this day, pipe out randomly things like, "today's Friday!" because I know the next day is Saturday. This was my hitting point with Erik.

I never knew how long I had been out. All I knew I was that it wouldn't have been more than a day because I woke up still a single woman. Or at least, that's what I ended up concluding. Still, I do not know how long I was out, only that I still wore the dress I had put on before breakfast. I found myself staring at the ceiling above me. I wasn't home. That was why the first tears fell. I wasn't home which meant Mom wasn't close by. That resulted in more tears. Mom wasn't close by so I had to rely on God. God, God, where are you? I thought these words over and ever again and again. It was constant. No matter what, I had to keep faith in God. He was the only one to ever believe me.

How had I gotten there? Whose clothes did I wear and how did I get in them to being with? Did he do it? Maybe a caring doctor changed my clothing. I must have had to go to the doctors at least. Not many could have survived what had happened to me.

A nasty fall… Was that all it was? But how was I cut all over my body? He never answers my questions either! I couldn't have been dreaming! I refuse to believe the lies that he feeds me!

Oh God, oh God I know I should never question, but God, why is this happening to me? Wake me up! Wake me up, please!

"Oh, God, oh God, oh God…" I sobbed and whimpered on the bed as I curled tighter into my protection ball.

It must have been hours during the time that I lay there in my morning. I didn't know what all I did as I lay there. I do remember singing though. Les Miserables. It always made me feel better to be able to commiserate with something, even a song.

"I dreamed a dream of time gone by…"

I am not going to repeat all of those lyrics again. Since that day I could never complete the full song ever again. I felt such a power in my voice that day. Such power I can only conjure with a strong burst of emotion. I don't know how I did it in that ball, but I sang it nonetheless under those sheets.

"…now life has killed the dream I dreamed." And just like that, my lamination had ended.

I felt stronger in my commiseration with the dead. I even stopped crying. I starred at the sheet above me. If only I could stay under it and away from that supposed world on the other side. If only, if only…

Once feeling I could face the world again, I stuck my head out suddenly, throwing the sheets down to the bed uncovering my twisted form.

And yet again, there he was.

This time when I caught him staring at me, I stared right back, straight in the eye (that wasn't even there). I was looking for answers I knew that I'd never find in those deep-set eyes. I was looking for any thing and found nothing in pools that seemed never ending.

I was at a point where I was capable of saying anything without caring. It is scary to think back on times like that, but I usually find them necessary. It's the only way I can ask and say what needs to be let out into the open without any fear at all. Still, I let him speak first.

"That song," he said as if shaking, "where did you – why did you – "

I raised an eyebrow.

"It's not mine, it's from a musical. You say it was a dream, but I could never write a song as powerful in word as that."

"But why…?"

"Because it's true! I live Les Miserables!"

"The Miserable? Darling, are you so unhappy? We're getting mar – "

"Don't remind me! I know already!"

Another sequence of unhealthy silence.

"Christine," he moaned.

"Rachel!" I snapped back.

"Whoever you are, what ever you are, I love you and whether you love me or not we will be wed tomorrow at dusk!"

How I wished to pry those eyes apart until I found answers in those deep pools!

"Erik!" I yelled before he could storm out.

"Darling, please, I beg you to not call me out in such a scornful tone."

"How old are you?"

"What?"

"Well?"

"Too old."

"What's your occupation?"

"Christine – "

"No! Answer!"

"Business management."

"Is pink marble expensive?"

"Yes,"

"How did I wake up in a night gown?"

"You put it on."

"When?"

"After I asked you to."

"What was the nasty fall?

"You tripped coming down the stairs outside the apartment when I returned from the third cellar. You landed on your head."

It hit me!

"Christine never kissed you!"

It was her kiss and tears that led her to freedom. That's why I'm still here! He had it so it never happened!

"Kiss?"

The word seemed foreign to him.

"Yes, kiss."

"No, Christine never kissed Erik. Not even Erik's mother mentioned the word…"

"I know, Erik, I know too well…"

A slight hiatus.

"Does, does Christine want to… to…?"

"One day, Erik, Christine will."

There was no problem in giving this man hope. But I was not Christine. I would not be the one to kiss Erik.

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**Disclaimer part II: If I could write lyrics to Les Miserables, I would NOT be writing for fanfiction sites.**

**soooo will 'christine' ever kiss erik? _review to find out!_**


	10. Preparation for The Rest of My Life

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have pronounced Leroux totally wrong in front of my english class last year.**

**a/n: due to popular demand, i've made these chapters longer by adding chapters together. there's only so much waffleing i can do before it just gets too boring... so i just took out chapter names and such. thanks so much for your review (even the mean ones)! oh and to broken-vow yet again for catching my spelling oopsies! enjoy!**

**plz read & review!**

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****Chapter Ten - _Preparation for The Rest of My Life_**

Shouldn't weddings be happy things? Shouldn't they be something that should only happen once in a life and should be cherished for ever and a day? In today's society there are so many divorces and I had had everything planned on how I wanted everything to happen. I was to be proposed to through song in either a fine diner or a lone place of beautiful scenery. It would happen once I was out of college and settled with a fair job. The man would be wealthy enough to support the two of us and during the engagement we would discuss our terms on marriage so that we knew we would be on the same level in everything. It was going to be perfect. Even the guy wouldn't be bad looking. I would have a Victorian style wedding with all my wonderful friends and family there to watch. And at the after wedding party there would be dancing and laughter and embarrassing stories. All the things any bride could ever want…

Under Erik's and Christine's wedding, none of the above happened. I'll never know if I were actually married. Does God care about whose name is said on at alter? Or does it just matter that a presence is there to fill the necessary space? I presented myself as Christine Daae, not Rachel Carson, so was I actually married after all?

He stayed with me until midnight the night before Friday. At midnight he left saying, "See you at dusk my love! Then we shall finally be wed!" What words to be spoken to me in the state I was in! I remembering him bringing me some chalky tasting water before he left. "Sleep well! Sleep well!" he laughed walking out. Not thinking I chugged down the water. It was drugged. I didn't wake up till the following afternoon.

The dress was laying down at the foot of the bed. What a sight it was to my poor eyes! It had critiqued bead worked that worked it's way all up and down the dress in an assortment of floral patterns. It was an off white dress, one of mid 1800's style. It spread low unto the floor and had a small train that followed me when I walked. The dress was so lovely and I know I give it shame as I only try to explain it. As of now, I'll leave it to my imagination to remember it. It was low cut… I was at first trilled at how it complemented my body so perfectly, but then thought, "it's low cut… low cut things make men think…" This 'thinking' scared me. Oh how that thinking scared me to death!

Hair was another issue I had to deal with. I knew women of the time had their hair up off their necks, but I had only seen hairstylists of the stage do such things with much hairspray. I didn't even have the hairspray I needed! What I end up doing wasn't really important. Just know that without all the little pretty bobby pins I found on the dresser, my hair would have been confused with that of a rats nest.

The dress had short sleeves and required little white gloves (that surprisingly fit me). I stared holes into that piece of reflecting glass that mocked me. I remembered from the original novel that there were no mirrors in Erik's house. So what was this thing that laughed so loudly at me and stood too boldly in front of me? Maybe that was a dream…?

No, no, this was the dream! This was the dream!

Three knocks on the door signified a presence standing behind it. It was he, one that I should become wed to today.

"D-don't come in!" I said quickly.

I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready for any of this!

"Dearest, it's near dusk, we must get this done." He said expressionless from the other side, "are you fully dressed?"

"Y-yes, but – "

Too late, the door was already opening. I went to a corner of the bed and shrunk down into the floor. I wanted to curl up into my ball, but everything on me was too tight. I felt no protection at all.

He looked straight down at me. He didn't even need to look around to find me. It was as if he knew I'd be down there.

"Stand."

I looked up at that what had said the word. He was a well-dressed man for the occasion, but my eyes were too blurry to see perfectly straight to explain what he wore exactly.

"Stand." He said again offering his hand.

"Erik, please, I can't do this – "

"I said stand, Christine!" he barked taking my arms roughly to get me to my feet.

He walked through the house with me under his stone arm and straight to the door of the apartment. It was open and darkness seemed to be streaming through it such as light usually would in the normal world. Now, this darkness was blinding to the eye. My little white shoes slipped on rocks as we walked on. I couldn't see a thing and I wondered if Erik could either. For all I knew, it was all being done by memory that he walked. We were silent and I was not crying. No, I was not crying.

We walked on for what seemed like forever. It may have been as long as an hour later when I saw the little red light up ahead. We walked toward it to find it was coming from no where. I could see we were still in a dark tunnel of large, cold, black stones. My hearing had been heightened as my vision became impaired and I heard a small tickle of water. The little stream from the book behind the dressing room! I was where Christine woke up after she went through the mirror!

I was set down on my knees. Erik got down on his knees in front of me and took my gloved hands.

"Do you remember where you are?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I do."

I didn't 'remember' but I did know.

"Christine Daae, I take thee at this spot of ground to be my wife; to have and hold, through sickness and in health, as long as we both live…"

He took two gold rings from his pocket. What symbolism hid its self in those simple pieces of gold that lay so peacefully in his large hands! He took the larger one and placed it on his forth finger on his left hand. There was another ring left that was much smaller.

"And does she, Christine Daae, take Erik, to be her husband?"

What should I have said, what should I have done? I was obviously in a real place now that was outside of the house. What if it was real? What if it wasn't real? If it wasn't real I could say yes and nothing would ever happen. Time was passing as I stared into his eye pits. I didn't know what to do. I didn't like this darkness with only little glimpses of red light that escaped to the heavens as it was scared away from the surrounding darkness. What else was I to say?

He never said I had to have and hold and care for in all aspects of life… I just had to be his 'wife'. Wife, wife what does that mean? It comes with such an array of definitions that for an experienced woman, it may take days to explain all the factors that go into being the word. I didn't want to do that! I was too young! Too terribly young to be doing anything like that!

His hands were sweating. His hands were tight upon my own. So larger than mine, so much stronger they were. I had no choice. I had no choice.

"Yes,"

Faint, breathless, short was the world that I spoke. He brought my left hand and with the up most gentle care the ring was placed on my weakest finger. He slid it on so easily and yet I have never been able to take it off. He brought the hand up to his masked lips and I felt soft leather on the back of the hand. He then cupped the small hand I once had ownership over in both of his.

"Then let this be witness to God above, that we have made an unbreakable vow before Him. We are one wed."

And with that, I was no longer a single woman under the face of God.

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**what shall happen next you wonder...? night has already fallen, has it not? there's only one way to find out: review!**


	11. As the Light Burns

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't know what swing music was therefore I could not listen to it. I love swing music...**

**a/n: ok so this was me putting 3 chapters together. i'm thinking i could be more descriptive at some parts... i don't know. hope no one gets to mad at what happens in this chapter. **

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Eleven - _As the Light Burns_**

I sat in my bed. I had been told to change for sleeping and that was what I did. I was relieved to be able to breath again, but horrified to know he would be walking through the other door in a matter of moments. My eyes wouldn't leave that door. My ears were preparing themselves to hear that little squeak that comes from the door handle.

I had curled myself up into a ball, keeping my knees right under my chin. Because of my shaking, I would sometimes see the door move. My reaction was the same every time; I'd gasp, shake harder, and move back as far as I could into the pillow behind me. This had happened so often that when I actually saw the door move, it scared me so much I screamed.

He was hunched over as he walked in. When I screamed he straightened up. His towering height scared me even more and I wish I didn't scream just so that he would stay in a more humble position. He was wearing basic black trousers and a cotton white shirt that had been tucked in. I didn't think that was proper night clothing, but I could have been wrong.

I could already feel the fire on my flesh as it ate away at my soul. Before he could step any closer I spoke out.

"I c-can't do it! I can't do it!" I sobbed

He said nothing as he stood at the door.

"Please, please don't make me…"

He turned around as if to leave and I stopped breathing. He started to reach for the door handle. Watching his every move I realized he was going for the inside handle instead of the one that kept to the outside of the hall. _He was closing the door on both of us._

The door shut slowly as if all time had stopped just to watch that door close. I didn't even hear it close. He turned around slowly. I could feel his burning eyes again. They ran from my sheet covered feet all the way up to my eyes.

_Lust._

That same lust I witnessed the other night was haunting me again as I shivered harder and harder. His movements to the bed were crisp and blocked as if made for the stage. I know I must have been shaking the whole bed by now. He took no notice. I could hardly see anything through my tears. It was only that I could feel his presence coming closer that I knew he was there.

"Please, don't, p-please…"

He came to stand over my body.

Clicking three times with his tongue and said, "Aw is the little Christine scared?" he asked coldly with a strong scent of mock in his voice.

It was then that two cold hands lunged themselves under my head. My eyes were then forced upward with the rest of my head, as I looked straight into the mask.

"Scared of the monster?" he growled.

Two unmistakable tears fell from the corners of my eyes.

"Oh, you cry now? You don't like being this close to a monster? Well, well you will be a lot closer than this soon!" He laughed softly and took me out of my little ball. I felt a stone arm come under my arms and around my back. He sat down in front of me and I was placed on his lap. I was limp and couldn't hold myself up any more. It was that stone behind my back that kept me looking at him.

"Come now darling, you can't be so weak after all that shaking and screaming, can you? Oh my little one, you can't possibly be so weak so soon."

My head was propped up to rest on his shoulder and he rested his own atop mine.

"Little one, you still shake! Why is this? Are you cold? You must be cold. Come, darling, I will warm you."

"Erik – " I whimpered.

"Hush little one," he cooed as he picked me up softly.

"Erik – " I repeated growing faint.

"What is it darling?" he asked lowering me to the bed and putting a hand to my cheek.

"I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" his voice turned cold and the hand was removed.

"It'll hurt,"

"Why will it hurt?"

"I'm too young… I'm afraid it will hurt me."

"Darling, you are perfectly old enough. It should not hurt so much."

"No, I've done r-research. It will hurt me now, please I'm not yet eighteen even."

"But, you are twenty – "

"No, Erik please wait, please wait…"

He sighed.

"How long?"

"Two years at least, please at least two years…"

He stood back to take in what was happening. I could never read his expressions. I could never know what exactly he was thinking. I only had to wait for his answer.

"Then… I will wait for your two years… but on one condition."

"What?" I said quickly looking to his eyes.

"That you allow me… to hold you… like only a husband can hold his wife. And to, to allow me to sleep in the same room as you."

I looked into those pitiful pools in his mask.

"OK."

"OK?"

He didn't know what the word meant.

"As in, all right, it's agreed."

He nodded.

"May I go to bed now?"

"I'll turn out the lamp for you."

"No!"

He stopped to turn around.

"I don't want to be in the dark."

"Very well, my angel, I shall leave the light on."

It may have seemed like a lame excuse, but it was the only thing I could think of. He pitied me in that respect and I thought that I may as well be dead in two years regardless of what happens.

I spent that night watching an old gas lamp burn its self out. The flame was addicting to me and I knew if I took my eyes away from it that the realization of what was surrounded me would hit finally me. I was in denial. The little flame flickered for hours as if laughing at me. It danced in its personal ballroom and only took so often to look at me so that it could laugh. Everything was laughing! Even the walls seemed to have lungs to laugh with!

Tears, silent tears, ran away from my body and fell to the pillow under my head. Those tears escaped me, why couldn't I escape me? As the laughter increased my tears did also. I wanted to gasp, I wanted to scream and sob aloud, but I couldn't.

He was there with me. He was right behind me. I could hear, no, I could _feel_ his breathing. I had wondered often if he was asleep, but I never had the guts to turn and face him. I was afraid I'd wake him, or catch his eyes, or just die. No, I wasn't turning around.

The flames laughter was dying because the flame its self was indeed growing dim. I watched the gas inside become lower and lower until what was once yellow became bright red until becoming black smoke and nothing more.

"No…!" I moaned reaching out trying to take back that which was already making my life horrible. I knew it laughed at me, but I needed it and was willing to put up with that which killed me slowly.

"What is it darling?" came a voice behind me.

The sound made me jump. _He was awake!_

"Light…" I whimpered

"Yes, the light went out, little one…"

"I want it back."

"Yes, I know darling."

There was more silence and the absence of light increased my fear.

"Erik!"

I sat up.

"What?"

"Where are you? I can't see you!"

I felt a presence behind my back. Two arms snaked themselves around my lower back and curled around my belly. A heavy block was placed on my shoulder and I heard speaking. This physical gesture must have been what he was talking about a few hours ago…

"I'm right here, little angel." He said in my ear.

I took a tight hold on that which held me below my chest.

"Yes, right here, you can feel me."

"I want light."

"I can get more oil if you so wish it."

"Yes, more."

Against his will he started to let go of me. I held him tighter.

"Don't leave me in the dark!" I yelled.

He was back in his position of hold me again.

"All right, all right."

We sat there like that for much longer.

"Light… Erik!" I mumbled.

He made caring little hushing noises in my ear.

"I'm right here, I haven't left."

More silence.

"When will the sun come?" I asked in a small voice.

It took him a few moments to reply.

"Later…" he mumbled.

"Then how will it ever be morning?"

"It will eventually, but you must wait for the night to end first."

"But when – "

"The sun will come again. Just not right now."

We both knew the sun never came in such darkness we lived in.

"I'm tired…" said I quietly.

The arms around me began to put more force on the front of my body. I did resist it thinking he only wanted me closer to his body. I was wrong. In sensing my inner and slightly physical struggle, he moved away from my back. I was being pushed downward, but there was one hand behind my back so that I wouldn't fall. I was laid down. I could see nothing. The arms slipped away from me completely once I was completely down.

"Erik!"

"Sh, sh, I'm right here, right here." He said taking my hand in his.

I squeezed the hand. It wasn't enough.

"Erik!"

"Christine, what…?"

I shivered and rolled over to my side taking the hand with me. I placed it over my stomach. He sighed behind me and I felt his hand slither under my other side. His hands laced fingers over my navel. My hands covered his hands tightly only resulting in the hands under mine unlacing with each other and lacing with mine.

"Dark…" I cried.

His head rested atop my right ear and I heard humming enter it. Such gentle humming…

And finally, I fell asleep.

The following day I made it clear that I didn't want to speak about the day before in the least. I talked less and stayed in my own world. Now that I could walk I didn't know what I was supposed to do. What was it that Christine and Erik did? Kay went into that more then Leroux… reading books? I didn't want to read. I just wanted to sleep… but the darkness. I don't know where that sudden fear came from. I don't know why it spurred after I was 'wed'. I hadn't even had a night light since I was seven, why were such child-like fears coming back to me now?

The night before had been such taboo to me. I didn't seek physical reassurance. I just wasn't something I did for comfort. I was very reserved in every action. But I was so afraid! I was afraid of everything all at once! Such behavior like a child… I don't know where it came from.

After breakfast I followed him around such as a dog would follow his master. I was shown the library, the din, and his room. All such much like the books… all the books I had read… how would Kay know about this? She wasn't there! Not even Leroux went into such detail! And how would phanfiction sites know what his house looked like? It was too impossible! It was too perfect to be real! It was all just like everything I had read…

"And that is the house, Christine. Just as it was when I first brought you here."

But I wasn't awake when you first brought me here, Erik. I nodded as if I actually knew what he was talking about. I had gotten so used to just nodding to everything that came my way. It was as if I was nodding and agreeing my soul away piece by piece.

The rest of the day he tried to make things go back to 'normal' between us. He tried to make jokes and catch my eye. Every time this happened I would simply take my glance from the floor and direct it to him in one sad gesture. I attempted to look into the holes he had for eyes, but I couldn't. They were dark. They reminded me of my fear and I strayed away from them as much as I possibly could.

After dinner I was convinced that Erik had given up on me. I was fine with this. All I wanted was my gas lamp that I thought about constantly. I was growing an obsession with the thing. It was plaguing my thoughts more then the whole situation I was in. I was in a deep depression that I could not escape.

I sat at my place at the table. The food laughed at me. Always laughing! I couldn't eat it. Erik and I sat in silence. I had wondered if he could hear the laughter too. After too long Erik was found standing over me with an extended hand.

I repeated my sad eyed expression as I had so many times that day.

"Come, wife,"

I accepted his hand and allowed him to lead me to the library. He went to his big armchair that sat across from the divan. The fireplace was to the left of us and my heart leaped at the thought of my friend returning. I looked to the fireplace hopefully thinking he would start a fire, but he never did. Not letting go of my hand he sat down in his chair.

"I'm not starting a fire, Christine. I've watched how you stare so longingly at the flames of the lamps all day. I will not start a fire for you." He said coldly.

I looked at him hurt at what he had said. My friend! My only friend and he had taken that from me! He sighed when seeing my eyes water a bit.

"Sit." He said offering his lap.

I backed up a bit. I was not comfortable with such things. I shook my head and tried to back away for the divan completely finding that he was not letting go of my hand.

"No Christine, I want you to stay and sit."

There was power in his voice: a power that I feared almost more then the darkness. He tugged at my hand, then at my arm, and then to a point where he had both my shoulders under his long hands. The hands pushed down on my shoulders until I sat. He was tall and when I sat my feet were lifted from the ground as he bent his knees to a comfortable position. His hands moved down my back until I felt them snaking themselves around my waist once again. I was getting closer to him once more. My back found a resting space on his chest and my head found its way to rest under his neck. The hands stayed me, and I did not move from where he wanted me to sit.

"Christine," he said deeply above me.

I didn't answer. I was Rachel…

"Christine," he said with more force.

I thought I was Rachel…?

I felt heat in his body rise all around me.

"Christine, when I call on you, you _will_ answer me."

I remember Rachel…

"Is that understood?"

Who was I…?

He took my roughly by the arms and turned my body to face him.

"Christine!"

I looked at him. _I looked at him. _I saw darkness and anger and fear and laughter and love. I didn't know what to think. I wanted to go away; far away. Tears began to fall and his grip became stronger. He was hurting me…

"Mom…" I stammered out trying to find anything that could comfort me.

"Is dead."

"Light…"

"Is the absence of darkness."

"Home…"

"Is with me."

"Erik…"

"Is your husband."

"Erik…" I said with pain.

"What? Why should I answer you when you never answer me?"

"Erik… you're hurting… me…"

"Then answer me when I call you and I will never hurt you again."

More tears. I looked down at my small hands that were close to his form. They curled into little fists and lay helplessly at my lap. There was nothing left for me anywhere but here.

"Christine," came an angelic voice.

"Yes," I surrendered still looking down.

"Come to me, Christine."

My head was dropped and I was falling back to him again. My head was placed under his neck and he rested his head atop my own. His once stone hands were not gentle to my frame and held me tightly as only love holds a person. I was beginning to tire from my lack of sleep the night before.

"Christine, I love you." He said above me once more.

My only response was only to nudge my head closer to his neck.

"If only you could love me too. Then all the happiness in the world would be mine. You wouldn't need the flame anymore. I would be the flame you crave constantly. Christine, I could make you so happy…"

I small bit of time past and I found myself too tired to function any longer.

"Erik…?"

He was lost in his own love.

"Erik…?"

"What is it, love?"

"I'm tired."

"Yes, I'm aware."

"May I go to bed?"

"No, no, not quite yet, love. Just stay here with an old man a moment longer to keep him company. The night is so long." I moaned in hurt.

"But I'm tired now…" I said like a child.

"Then stay here with me. Sleep here with me…"

"Light…"

"Is controlled by me."

I felt a hand stroking my hair. It felt so nice to my tormented brain. Soft strokes to my head made me even more tired. Humming; soft humming in my ear. What a beautiful sound to behold. Sleep was an escape; my only escape from this world.

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**please give me your thoughts! i don't know if anyone is going to like this chapter or not...**


	12. Results of the Dark

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I would have made my own movie that actually was like the book... I have yet to write the script.**

**a/n: well, mixed reviews on the last chapter, but i enjoyed reading all of them. and here's an fyi: erik is never going to just rape christine. that would be too easy to do and completely kill the entire plot. plus, i don't wish to encourage those types of thoughts. women should never have to go through such horrors as rape. **

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Twelve - _Results of the Dark_**

I never remembered being moved for when I woke I was in my soft, perfect bed. I opened my eyes and could not see anything. 'Maybe I'm dreaming and will wake up soon' I thought to myself in order to make myself feel better. My hands were brought together and I pinched my thumb. I could feel as the skin was brought together in a harsh manor. I was not dreaming.

"Dark!" I yelped.

I sat up not knowing what to do. My right hand searched the bed around me only to find a shoulder lying next to me on the bed. I shook it in a feverish attempt to find light again. It began to move under my hand and I knew I had woken him up.

"Dark!" I said again praying he would turn the light on.

"Yes Christine, dark," he said unfazed and turning to his back I had to let go of his shoulder.

"No more dark! Please take it away!"

"You wish me to take it away?" he said in a peculiar voice rising up to rest on an elbow.

"Yes, yes, take it away!" I cried taking a tight hold of his wrist.

"Come closer to me, Christine."

I looked over to him even though I could not see him.

"What – what do you mean?"

"Simply what I said. Come closer to your husband, Christine."

"Turn on the light."

"Come closer to me and I will."

I feared what the darkness could do and what it inspired in his mind.

"Please, Erik…" I cried again.

He rose to a sitting position and took my waist into his arms. I tried to get out of the lock, but I found that I could not. He pulled me to his chest and kept me there. Only my hands separated us (and that did not do too much good). My chin rested on his shoulder and his rested on mine as he spoke softly in my ear.

"I could give you everything you ever wanted, Christine; even your precious light. I only ask so little of you…"

A hand moved up from my waist. It moved up my back forcing me closer to him, then under my arm and up from there. I tried jerking backwards as he came to close to my personals, but the arm still around my waist would not allow it. The hand moved upward, still with no pausing as if it had a mission. I began to make little gasps of fear as it came to my collarbone and to my neck. As it went behind my head it took my hair with it. The hand then moved behind my back to my shoulder blade and pushed me even closer.

Once the hair was removed I felt something different touch my neck; something soft and massaging. His lips were kissing my neck slowly starting from the corner of my neck and shoulder and they too moved up. This had never happened to me up until that time and I gasped. I could almost feel him smiling into my neck as this happened. The kisses moved ever slowly up to the left side of my head and began to gently nip at my ear. I was not sure as to what to do. I simply sat there in fear.

"Christine, if you really want your light I can give it to you," he rasped in my ear, "you see I have become the tamer of this light and if you so wished it, I could give it to you."

"Light…"

"Yes, Christine, your precious light."

His head pushed on my own so that my head lay on my right shoulder. He then continued to kiss my neck. His lips caressed their way down and I became drowsy with the new feeling that I had from this. My heart was already pumping furiously and this only made it increase its pace. I felt his hands incase my back only bringing me nearer. My hands were cramping under our closeness and I had to bring them up. They fell around his neck and the pace of his kisses increased.

His lips were now under my chin and moved down once again. My eyes began to close and I couldn't help but let out a little moan. Farther down his kisses went until they reached my nightgown. As I felt his hand come from behind my back to the button of the gown I backed away with a force I didn't know I possessed.

"No, please no!" I cried out.

He drew away keeping my arms in a firm grip. He said nothing.

"Erik please, I c-can't…" I said beginning to cry.

His hands cupped my face and brought my forehead to his. I could feel his panting breath on my face and tried to pull away.

"You can't can you? Well I guess I can't get you light tonight."

"Erik please!"

"No, no, Christine it is getting late and you need to go to bed."

"But the light – "

"Not tonight, goodnight."

"B-but Erik… please…"

He had already let me go and was lying back down in his place. I was still close to him and when I lay down I moved closer to him. I was so close that I was able to rest my head in the crook of his neck under his head. My hands grasped on to his shirt as I let my shivering body inch closer to his. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around me, as I feel asleep.

I felt a new pity for him. If his face was truly as bad as his description it's no wonder why he loved the darkness so much. His mask could not have been on his face during this. I could not feel it so I conclude that it must not have been present. That's why he loved the darkness so much: because he could be a 'normal' husband. How could we even coincide if we lived in different sets of luminosity?

He loved darkness, but he also loved me. I hated darkness, but I hated being alone in the darkness even more. That is why I stayed close to him.

"Goodnight, Erik," I whispered to his chest.

"Goodnight, little innocents."

He kissed my head and I nudged my head closer to him while letting my hands come around his back. It felt so nice as he stroked my hair as I fell asleep. If I was not to have my light, this would have to do for now.

The next days' breakfast came and went. We didn't speak to each other. The whole thing was rather awkward as I sat there eating and he sat there looking at the floor. Once I was done he said, "I would like to continue your training."

"What?" I asked airily.

"Your voice training, I would like to continue it."

"But I never had…" My voice faded away in feeling his anger fill the room.

"Christine, I will not hear of your constant talk of how you didn't do things and how you don't remember!" he stood up, "If I say you did them that's means you did them! I've been lax enough to let your voice rest this long. It will be a miracle if it's even half as good as it was after such a long rest! Now if I say that I want you to do something you will do it! Is that in anyway understood this time?"

I wouldn't meet his dark gaze.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Good, now let us get started as soon as possible."

I should have braced myself better for the next nine hours of hell.

We went to the music room and he sat down at the grand piano and looked at me. I didn't know what to do.

"Well, get to the right place at the piano, don't just look at me as if you don't know what to do."

I walked slowly over to the arch in the piano and prayed it was the correct place.

"See, you do know what to do."

Did I?

He played a scale on the piano and looked back to me.

"Remember what key that is, Christine?"

I took a guess straight out of the blue.

"Key of E?"

"Correct."

Another awkward silence as he set his gaze on me once more.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Christine?"

"I – I don't know."

"Then start singing your scales. We have much to do today."

I looked at him pitifully.

"I – I don't remember…"

He began to pound notes on the piano for me to follow.

"Remember now?" he growled.

No.

"Yes, yes, I just…"

"Then began."

This scene repeated its self for all the five scales I sang that day. He kept rebuking me on how horrible I sounded and how childish my scales were. Everything I seemed to do was all wrong. Those five scales must have taken three hours after all those critiques. If my voice wasn't loud enough, there was something wrong with my posture, and if my posture wasn't exactly correct he automatically knew and began to yell and spit at all my faults. It was all I could to hold in my tears. His low patience became shorter and shorter until he spat, "let's move on! Now don't tell me you don't remember Faust either!"

I hung my head low.

"Christine, you were in Faust." His voice snarled like an animal.

There was nothing left I could do but stand there waiting my punishment. I actually began to feel like I was the one with all the problems – as if it were all my fault for not knowing all of the things he spoke of.

"Very well then,Roméo et Juliette?"

I shook my head again.

"The Magic Flute? Fidelio? Oberon? Macbeth? Hamlet? Otello?"

With each shake of my head after every title he gave his voice only became louder and louder. It was as if he believed that if he said it loud enough I might actually know and remember it. There was a moment of silence as he atempted to cool down.

"Then you will be reduced to sight reading each one until you memorize it all over again."

Another hiatus.

"You do remember how to sight read, don't you?"

"I – I can sight read, but just a little."

"Only a little?"

"Yes,"

My voice kept getting smaller and smaller as his kept getting larger. There was nothing I could do. It all appeared to be completely hopeless.

"Come here," he said beckoning me to his side.

With slow soft steps I approched the bench.

"Look at me," he said in a voice that I could sense a father punishing his daughter with.

I did so even slower then I had walked.

"I have never known you to be so stubburn with me Christine and I would like to think that you are not doing it intentionally, so I'm going to give you another chance. I will give you all the sheet music you should know and will let you learn it all over again."

I nodded.

He left the room only to come back a few minutes later with the biggest stack of papers I've ever seen in one man's arms. He sat them down on the piano.

"Now Christine, I will give you all the time you need to learn and memorize all of this over again. You have the piano here for any notes you are unsure about. I will be in the library."

I looked at the top of the stack. It was like a maze of black and white all written in what looked like German. I couldn't do this.

"Erik!" I yelped as he began out the door.

"Have I not made myself clear? You will learn all of this and until you do you will not leave this room!"

"But I don't – "

"Then I advise you do remember!"

And with that I was left only trying to remember anything about the piano and latin that I possibly could.

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**ok i'm shooting for 10 fresh reviews before i post the next chapter. i was able to hit it with my other story 'out of the darkness' now let's see if i can do it with this one!**


	13. From Stories to Music

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be listening to a cheep imatation of a ballet, heck I'd actually have the money to go see one!**

**a/n: wow thanks for the reviews! they make me muy happy! and i gotta say, this chapter is in dedication to pastheart. why? because pastheart kept reminding me to post each time the reviews became closer to reaching 10! so here is your chapter pastheart!**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Thirteen - _From Music to Stories_**

It was dinnertime the next time I saw him. I was still recklessly pecking out notes that I prayed were the right ones on the piano. I had managed to learn five songs out of hundreds. When he came in, he sat a tray of food near the piano on a chair. I was tired after raking my brain of everything it could have ever learned about music. It was all I could do to sit up on the piano bench.

"How is it coming?" he asked like a teacher would as he stood above me.

I looked up at him and my eyes began to sting. I couldn't take it any longer. There was nothing left for me to do now. I might as well accept his cruel words so I could get them over with. Tears started to flow and once they started, there was nothing I could do to stop them from coming. My head shook as I told him through body language that I couldn't do it. I bent over my knees and put my head in my hands. I don't think I had ever felt so helpless and hopeless in my life. It's one thing to not understand, it's another thing to fail miserably.

An arm reached around my shoulders and brought me closer to him. His other arm pulled my far shoulder to his chest and my tears began to dampen his neck and jacket. I felt his hand scratch my back in attempt to calm me.

"I'm s-sorry, I t-tried s-so hard and I only-only get five d-done. I'm s-so so-sorry."

"There, there, little darling, don't cry anymore." He whispered above my ear.

"It was all I could d-do…"

"Yes, yes, I know."

"I'm sorry…"

"Shh, I know."

He caressed my hair and let me cry on him. I even found my arms starting to reach out around his neck for comfort. He began to rock back and forth as a mother does with her baby to quiet them; hushing me like a child until my tears stopped falling so heavily.

"You said you tried as hard as you could?" he asked warmly in my ear.

"Y-yes,"

"Very well then, we will work on the songs you have already learned tomorrow. From there on we will reaffirm your memory each day. After all, we have the rest of our lives to spend with each other. I believe we can spare the time. Would you like that better, my dearest?"

I nodded at this notion of kindness.

"Good then, now stop your crying." He had held me back and proceeded to brush away my remaining tears. "Go eat your dinner and I will tell you a story before bed. Would you like that?"

I nodded.

"Very well, you can go back to your room if you wish. I'll meet you in there once you're ready for bed. Will that be fine?"

I nodded again.

"Good, now go so I can begin to plan out tomorrow's lesson."

I could only nod and leave him to his work.

I enjoyed my little dinner as I sat comfortably in my nightgown. On the bed with a lamp beside me, I felt quite content with my well-being. When he knocked and entered the room I let a faint smile loose from my lips.

"I came to retrieve your tray. Did you have a nice meal?"

I nodded.

"That is good. I will return in a moment once I've replaced your tray."

When he returned he took the lamp that set near me on the nightstand.

"What are you doing?" I asked in alarm reaching out.

He took no notice of my fear as he set the lamp down near him on the opposite side.

"I'm only placing the lamp near me. That way you may focus on the story and enjoy it fully."

"You're not going to turn it off, are you?"

"No, no, not while you're awake."

"Thank you," I said as he slipped under the sheets.

He took my hand and kissed it, "You're welcome."

He kept my hand in his as he began the story. He really was a beautiful storyteller and I found myself enraptured in what he said. It was a simple story that was exemplified by his awe-striking descriptions.

I won't even try to quote him on any of the words he said. I know I would pollute every sentence he spoke. But I will tell the story I heard that night: There was only a young woman who lived in a lonely valley with her dear friend, the gardener. The gardener would listen to her as she hummed in his garden and bask in her simple beauty. She would often talk to him when she was lonely or scared and he would always drop everything to make her feel better.

One day, while the gardener went out to town, an old friend of the woman came to call on her. He lived half way up the mountain and was not seen in the valley very often. This made her want to climb the mountain to see him more and more, while the gardener was left alone to tend the garden. Then, the woman didn't come back for weeks and weeks leaving the gardener to tend the garden he kept only for her.

By that time the woman and the friend had moved farther up the mountain and away from the valley. The woman would often look down to her old house and remember the garden she learned to love so much, but she would not leave her friend. Yet, the friend had moved on without her. He kept moving father and faster up the mountain while the woman stumbled to keep up with him. It was in this chase that the woman lost her footing just as she was reaching the mountain's peak.

Knowing he could do nothing to save her, the friend could only watch her fall. The woman fell faster and harder on the mountain and it hurt and scared her. It was then that she remembered her gardener and began to miss his protection over her, but it was too late.

Right at the moment when she was sure she would never stop falling, something caught her. The woman opened her eyes to see that of her gardener holding her in his arms and she sighed. Tears began to fall from her as she realized how much she loved her gardener. She couldn't stop apologizing and he could only kiss away her tears as she spoke. He carried her back to the old house in the valley and she gasped when she saw how much the garden had grown.

It surrounded the entire house with colorful flowers that left a wonderful aroma. As the gardener's love grew for the woman, so the garden grew also. Every time he would think of her, he would plant another flower that reminded him of her, just as it had always been since the beginning of the story; the woman just did not know it until she 'fell' for him.

Once the story had ended my head had rested itself freely on Erik's shoulder. His arms incased me and I felt warm and safe for one of the first times I had been there. There was something about his voice as he told the story, something soothing that made me relax. I wasn't afraid of him at that moment, no; I was actually quite comfortable in his embrace.

When my eyes were closed he rested his head on my own and began to speak.

"Did you enjoy that, Christine?" he asked in the same soothing voice that he told the story with.

"Yes," I sighed.

"I am glad," he said nuzzling my head with his masked cheek.

We sat there a while longer and I began to find it harder to fall asleep. I was actually content and I didn't want that to end. I was comfortable and I didn't want to escape to sleeping just yet. Time passed as my eyes became much heavier. Sensing my sleepiness, Erik reached out to turn down the lamp. I was too tired to reach out to stop him. The only thing that struck me was how my left side became colder now that he no longer held it. The light didn't seem to go out fast enough.

He began to lay down with me still under his arm. Bringing the sheet up to our shoulders he began to fully relax and so did I. It was then that he brought his other arm back around me and I felt warm again. I eased my head up under his again and I realized his mask was no longer there.

"Goodnight my dearest Christine." He whispered above me.

"Goodnight Erik…" I sighed cuddling closer to his heat.

He kissed my head and I fell asleep.

Darkness, he loved the darkness, but he also loved me… and he loved me even more in that darkness.

A few weeks passed. I couldn't really tell how many… For all I know it could have been months. I don't remember anything specific that came from them really. I had the same sort of schedule. After waking up and having breakfast, I would go to the music room to learn a new song. I would review the song I had learned from the previous day and move into a new song from there. The first week of attempting to learn new languages and how to pronounce them was horrible. It was on the second day of lessons that he pronounced that I take would take speech and pronunciation lessons in the afternoon after lunch. In those weeks my Latin, German, and Italian excelled farther than I could have ever hoped. Erik told me that he did not only want me to singing the words properly, he wanted me to know what the words meant so that I may singing them with passion.

"So, before these lessons, you never knew any other languages? You never took them as a study?"

"I took Spanish for a semester. I didn't learn very much though. The teachers were horrible." I said casually thinking back on how mush I despised the class.

"Spanish? What an odd language to take, a beautiful one, no doubt, but an odd one. I didn't know you had so many teachers to choose from, Christine. And semesters? What is the meaning behind these 'semesters'? You never went to a boarding school."

Another hitting point: I was Christine, now. Christine never learned Spanish. Christine never went to an actual school. Christine never went through such torture as I did by having to take the dreaded Spanish…

"It's nothing." I said as I brushed the topic away.

Erik was a good teacher. One of the finest I had ever known in my life. I never thought I could learn so quickly when I came to strange languages (especially dead ones like Latin), but I did and my singing lessons improved with them. After my 'speech and pronunciation' lessons he would usually retire to his library to read. He said that I was open to read with him. Sometimes I would follow this offering and pick up something for my own entertainment. Other times I would leave to go back to my room to rest (this happened most when the lessons didn't go so well). I never thought he ever enjoyed my company. He never even seemed to notice. The offering he extended to me was for my personal benefit (or so I thought). It was only until I didn't follow him to the library as usual that he called on me. Nothing wrong had happened that day, but I didn't feeling like reading either.

"Christine, where are you going? The lessons went well today, but you leave me. Do you grow tired with your Erik? Has he begun to bore you with his habits?"

I turned around to see him again.

"Well, no, not at all. I just didn't feel like reading today, Erik. So I thought about going to my room…"

"I can read to you, if you so wish it. Would you enjoy that more, Christine?"

He seemed to be pleading for me to stay, as if he couldn't do his normal chores without me there too.

"Well, I, I guess so… I mean, I was just going to go rest, but I guess I could stay."

"Yes, do stay with me. You can rest still, just with me. I do enjoy your company."

"Oh, OK then…" I turned back to walk to the library again. He offered his arm to me and I took it. Instead of sitting in his regular chair he sat beside me on the couch and read a book of my choosing instead of what he usually read. I remember resting on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around me in order to reach the other side of the book. No, it wasn't necessary, but as he said, he wanted company.

A few days later, after remarking how much I loved to knit, he gave me some knitting needles that allowed my hands some activity during the afternoon. I had always loved to knit. Ever since I learned how during my tenth grade year at school I had always been knitting something for someone. I was truly grateful to have something other than reading in my hands. I didn't make a lot of things. I just usually made long scarves that kept my hands busy.

From there we would have dinner. It was always a surprise and was always amazing to eat. He had gotten better at small chat and so had I. I never thought there was so much to talk about when half my past supposedly never happened, but he kept me on topics that seemed to never die in passing time.

After the dinner he would often take me to the music room and play. I wasn't exactly forced to go, but I liked listening to the soft sounds of the piano before going to bed and I know he liked playing those same soft sounds for me. I took my knitting and enjoyed the music. There was not much I could do other than that. Cross-stitching also became a pass time with me as time progressed. I made all sorts of pictures and they became better with more practice. My projects became bigger so that they would take up more time and I enjoyed the easy life I lived.

Before bed was the time that Erik tended to patch up anything that happened during the day. If anything went wrong, and he noticed it early enough, he would play me something sweet then take me to my room and tell me a story. Not too much happened at night. He would turn off the light, hold me in his arms, kiss my head, and stroke my hair and arms until I fell asleep. It was all very nice.

But as always, nice things don't last forever.

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**hmmm i wonder what that comment meant?? could that mean that some not-so-nice things are about to happen? review to find out!!**


	14. The Light was There

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be concerned about goble warming...**

**a/n: wow i feel love with all your reviews lately! i'm even going to post for out of the darkness too. sorry but the unmasking in not in the chapter. that won't happen until the climax of the story. but this chapter promises fireworks never read before!**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Fourteen - The Light was There**

I never stopped to think about the differences between what I had so preciously read and what was actually happening around me. I never stopped to think about that eerie question 'why'? I never stopped to think about why my voice had gotten so sour and suddenly transformed into something sweet within months. I never stopped to think of why Erik was only happy when I was around. I never stopped to think about why Erik was so much more physical than that I had read in the book.

He was not timid. He was actually rather outgoing with me. If he wanted me close to him, he would pull me closer. If he wanted to kiss me, he would do it without a thought. If he wanted me to forgive him, he would spoil me with his many talents. And in all this, he got what he wanted.

Why was Erik different from everything I had ever read and yet, exactly the same? Why was he everything that _I_ had ever wanted Erik to be? Why could I begin to predict was he was going to do or say? Why did he knowingly do what I wanted him to do without me saying a word? Why did he know my clothing tastes and what I ate and how I liked it prepared? I had never stopped to think about any of this until it was too late. By that time, I really had become Christine. Why? Because Christine would have never asked so many questions. She would not need to ask them. She already had the answers to all the 'why's' when it came to the fact that Erik knew what she wanted… what I wanted.

Yes, with the passing of many months, I had been completely lost in a world where I was actually Christine Daae. The only way I could ever answer any of those questions was by being the Christine Daae. And so, in conclusion, I was Christine Daae and Rachel Carson was lost to the darkness.

But it was only in rude awakenings that Rachel Carson was there to remind me of her presence. Like a ghost, she stood behind me like a shadow, ready to show herself only when I turned around.

I can't say what day, what month or what time it was, because I do not know. What I did know was that I was waiting for Erik to come to bed like he always did after dinner. He would leave me to change and get comfortable before coming in. This particular night was different though. It took him longer than usual to come to bed. With me being the 'curious girl' Christine was, I slide out the door and down the hall where I heard Erik angrily talking.

Who was he talking to? There was never anyone down in the house other than the two of us. There couldn't possibly be someone down there.

Looking around the doorframe of the library, I saw a sight that baffled me for many nights. There Erik stood, above the fire place and leaning on the mantle. He seemed to be talking to the fire until he turned around slightly. He was holding up to his ear something black and shinny. It was thin and in the shape of a square. Erik seemed to be talking into it as if the object would talk back and as I listened I realized that there was sound coming from it after all! I knew what it was! I had forgotten them. I had forgotten the world of high-class technology I was born in and I had forgotten the invention of the cell phone.

Everything I could ever remember about the phone came rushing into my memory in a mad flash and I made the terrible mistake of gasping where I stood. I prayed that he didn't hear. I prayed that I was imagining things and that this was all a dream I would wake up from. But Erik has inhuman ears that hear even the smallest pin drop from an opposite side of the room.

Keeping his arm tight and in the same bent shape, he lowered the phone slowly. He didn't even have to look around to know what had happened. His other hand stiffly pressed and button on the phone and he slipped the piece of plastic back into his pocket. He never even ended the conversation. Standing there in silence, I could only hear myself breathe as he had yet to look back at where I stood. Just as I was getting ready to tiptoe off to bed his head spun around and I saw the fire in his eyes that was often mentioned books. These were not dark pools that lay behind his mask, they were gold with fire and they burned me as I stood there. It was all I could do but I try to run back to my bed and forget what just happened.

In the same time that it took for me to turn around he had already faced me and had trapped me under his arms up against a wall. I couldn't keep looking at his fiery eyes and so I turned away.

"What did you see?" he boomed.

"Nothing!" I squeaked.

"Look at me when I talk to you!" He spat taking my arms and shaking my entire body until my eyes met his. "What did you see?"

I began to sob. Just minutes ago he had been calm and gentle. My head feel.

"Look at me!" He shook me again.

"You – y-you were t-talking to someone!" I cried.

"How?!"

"Your phone!"

All the lights around me began to dim slowly leaving me blind. The only light seemed to come from Erik's eyes. The next time he spoke he had a calm madness about him.

"A phone? What is a phone, my dear Christine?"

He couldn't have possibly thought that I would answer that!

"_Christine_," he said as if telling me that was my name after all, "you have been sleepwalking. See, it is dark. We have already gone to bed, love. You were walking around and when I noticed you were gone, I came to look for you."

His eyes should have dimmed. They should have gone back to what they were like a few hours ago. But they didn't. They shinned with flaming passion now. Where this sudden passion came from I cannot say. But it came nonetheless, and there was nothing I could do now that it had arrived.

My head was as far as it could be as I pressed it up against the wall. I couldn't see anything but his eyes as they came closer and closer to my own. It was at the last second that they disappeared before me leaving the room in complete darkness. I heard something hit the floor. Something light weight that seemed drop right in front of my face as it was freed from where it actually came from. _The mask was gone._ It was then that I felt his lips make contact with something they had never contacted physically before – my own.

The unexpected sensation was overwhelming for me. I couldn't think or react to save myself from the scene that was playing out before me. I could only be held as my knees became weak. Shock had over taken me and I could only surrender to his kiss. He began to move his lips down my neck and as I began to enjoy the new feeling I spoke his name in confusion.

Before I could even finish I felt him move inside my mouth at his chance for it to be willingly open for him. I let out something between a gasp and a moan. He only increased in his pace at his reaction. His hand no longer clutched my arms. One wrapped around my shoulders while a hand caressed my head and hair. My arms had changed their location as well. They had gone from spread out on the wall; to Erik's chest and they were now behind the reason his head had been brought closer to mine as they wrapped themselves around his neck.

Once we were both out of breath, he pulled away. I felt his hot gasps hit my face and I'm sure mine were doing the same. He did not wait long. Before I knew it, my feet were no longer making contact with the floor. From what I could tell, I was being carried back to my room. It seemed like only seconds later that I found my head hitting a pillow. The light I had left on in the room had burnt out. He didn't give me time to think this over either. His face had once again connected with mine and pushed me deep into the mattress. It wasn't only his head anymore; it was his body too. He was strattled atop me and began running his hands through my hair. Like all the other unexpected things of the night his hands moved from my hair to my neck and then to my shoulders and lower.

I gasped feeling his hands in a place on my chest that no one had ever brushed but myself. His mouth was on mine again and his hands began to move to the front of my neck where the first buttons lay to my nightgown. His fingers fiddled with my first button.

"Erik…"

I was cut off with another intense kiss.

Another button found it's way to freedom from the material of my gown.

"Erik I can't – "

"Be quiet, little one." He breathed over me then bending lower to take my lips again.

My hands found his chest again and pushed. I felt his hands lace with mine over his chest and suddenly my arms were tied down to the bed under the pressure of his. He began to stretch out my arms onto the mattress horizontally so that they were as far away from his chest. All the while, his mouth was still at work. It was his teeth that fumbled with the next button in order to break it free. Tears began to stream down my cheeks again.

"Erik please!"

He stopped and rested his chin below my collarbone. I could feel his breath begin to burn my neck.

"I c-can't…" I sobbed in my trapped and helpless position.

I saw his eyes begin to hover over mine. Such angry pits of fire that threatened to drag me into hell.

"Of course _you_ can't. You're afraid. Always afraid of the hideous monster I am!"

The weight was taken off my arms and I was sitting up with him. I could feel my upper arms bruise as his hands curled themselves completely around.

"Always afraid! Nothing but fear! Nothing!"

He sighed breathily in my face. My arms and body were suddenly free and I felt him leave the bed completely. Footsteps were heard close to the door.

"Erik? Erik where are you going?" I yelped out of breath.

His eyes had dimmed when he looked back at me before leaving the room. They were sad and frustrated when they gazed upon me. He turned around to exit again.

"Erik please don't leave me! I'm afraid to be alone!"

"Aren't you always afraid?"

"No Erik! Please don't go! I don't want to be alone in the dark! Please!"

But it was too late. The door had already closed and I was left alone in complete darkness.

I don't know if I slept that night. It's hard to tell when one's eyes are open or closed in such darkness. I can only remember having that same scene play itself out over and over again in my head. As of now, I'm convinced that anyone other than Erik would be fearful in such pitch darkness. Erik didn't need to see anything around him – he always knew exactly where he was going and what purpose lay behind going there.

I cried out for him several times in the night praying he would come back to me. I hadn't been afraid of him for so long and then this had to happen! I should have stayed in bed and it was my entire fault this ever happened. And because of this 'famine curiosity' I had acquired my thoughts were not thoroughly thought through first.

But the events that I saw made me question the day. I witnessed him talking on the phone. He was talking on the phone! I must have seen him. Rachel seemed to be shouting out at me to remember that piece of black plastic in order to save my life later on. I began to reacquaint myself with my old friend Rachel Carson more and more during that night. Yet, at the same time, I wondered why Erik took the actions he did.

He was mad at me, but once he got his answer, he was kissing me. What inspired that sudden change? I pondered the thought a bit more in my head before sitting up in the bed. What if he was trying to make me forget what I saw by wooing me away from it? What if he thought that in order for me to forget such things and trust him completely was by forcing me to fall in love with him? I suddenly didn't want him in the room with me.

Erik was playing at something. There was a point for everything he did. What if he wanted a reason to kiss me like that? But a phone! Where would he find a phone? What if he was making it up? What if he knew that came from my dream and wanted to confuse me? But he wouldn't know how it worked! And I heard with my own ears as sounds came from the earpiece of the phone!

But he was a ventriloquist. Not only had I read that, but he himself had shown me. He could have been speaking to himself in the phone for all I knew!

That entire night I was racking my brain with such strife that I eventually passed out from exhaustion. From there on, my dreams haunted me of everything I had questions of. Such horrors happened within those dreams that when I woke up I was screaming while cold sweat perspired from my forehead. But the light was on for me. I looked around the room to find that I was alone once again. But I had the light! My friend, the light had returned to save me once again from my loneliness! The light laughed and wailed at me, but at least I had it back for me and only me to control again.

The one I was screaming for when I woke up was not there, but the light was.

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**oh no! will they ever make up? review to find out!**


	15. A Cease to the Laughter

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I would not be working at a quick service resturant.**

**a/n: thanks again to all the reviews and reviewers! **

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Fifteen - _A Cease to the Laughter_**

I brought my precious gas lamp with me to breakfast. I found him sitting there as if nothing had happened.

"He-hello Erik," I said timidly when seeing him.

"Good morning, Christine. Did you sleep well?"

He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at a paper. I took this a strange taboo. He always recognized me when I stepped into a room.

"No," I said quietly.

He flipped a page in the paper without looking at me at all.

"Why not? Was there something wrong with the bed?"

He seemed to forget everything that had happened the night before. But if he truly forgot everything, he would not have been crossed with me.

"No," I said as my voice became softer.

"Then what was it?"

He seemed frustrated with my problem. Finally, he looked above his paper.

"I…"

The words never came out. The dryness in my throat had taken its toll and there was nothing left to produce sound.

"I see you have brought the lamp." He returned to his paper. "Was the rest of the house not light enough for your tastes?"

I couldn't speak. Nothing came out of my gaped mouth. Not even air. The only thing escaping from my entire face were the tears. My body had begun to shake and I only noticed my breathing out of its loud sound.

"Well, what's wrong now?" he said annoyed.

Pain was shinning in my wet face and he didn't care. _He didn't even care!_

"Nothing," I mouthed.

"Then sit down and eat." He said sharply, "you keep crying and your voice will not work properly in time for your voice lesson."

I could only stand much longer. Gripping the back of the chair I pulled it out shakily and collapsed into it. Normally, the food would have looked delicious, but today, it was only something to keep me content and quiet. I fiddled with the food for an hour. I wasn't in the least bit hungry anymore and I was positive he didn't in the least bit care. A tall menacing shadow stood over my plate.

"Finished?" He asked coldly.

I nodded.

"Not much of an appetite this morning, is there Christine? All this wasted food… Are you sick?"

Maybe if he thought I was sick he might care again?

"Yes, yes, I think I am sick." I stumbled over the words.

"Then you should be sent to bed immediately, Christine."

I nodded weakly. He didn't move. Before when I felt sick he wouldn't even allow me to walk. I was waiting for him to do something, even if it was only to motion to the door. But he never did anything. He wasn't even piecing me with his eyes. I could feel nothing but my own aloneness.

"I don't think I can stand."

It wasn't a complete lie I was somewhat faint.

"Very well then."

I was pulled backwards in the chair, than forcefully pulled up into Erik's arms. I did not struggle. I did not cry. Even if his body was cold and his arms were stones, he was with me again. He was paying attention to me again. It was what I wanted and I was not about to complain. My head leaned into his chest and my arms wrapped around his neck as he carried me back to my room. He didn't seem to take notice.

Once in the room he dropped me on the bed, but I still kept a hold of his neck.

"Let go." He said threateningly.

"Please, please d-don't leave me," I begged crying all over again.

"You're sick, you need rest." He spat, "and stop crying!"

I actually obeyed against my will. I was prepared to do almost anything to make him stay, but it wasn't enough. He detached my arms from their tight hold around his neck and was already walking to the door.

"No, please, just, just stay. Please stay? Please?"

"I will get your lamp."

"No, please, just stay here. I d-don't want… Just stay please!"

He had reached the door. Something was holding him back in with me. If there was any love left for me, that resistance had to be a sign of it.

"Please?" I whispered.

I thought my pleading would bring him back to me, but he only walked out only to return a few moments later with a lamp and a glass of water. I gulped back my tears as he came in. He took one look at me and took another swig of the water. I reached out to him only to find that he had walked away.

I'm not about to go into how much I sobbed that day. Crying is only so important to the story I tell. Besides, no matter how loud my sobbing had become, the music was always louder. Yes, as soon as I began to cry, I heard it. It was soft at first and became louder and louder as if trying to tune me out completely. If nothing else proved that this was Erik, if every odd in the known world around me was against my new life with him, I knew that he was a composer. I felt the sounds he played. I could feel the sadness ripple my skin as it became earsplitting through the walls. It was everywhere I turned; I couldn't escape it. As time passed I felt myself crying over the sadness in the music that forced me to feel cheerless. There has never been, nor will there ever be, a sound such as what I heard being played that lonely day.

As suddenly as it began, it ceased. There was no gradual let down that put me into a dreamy sleep like all the other pieces. I felt as if I were blindly jumping off a tall canyon only to be stopped short before hitting the bottom floor. There was an incomplete feeling in the air that had once carried the music and I wanted to seek it out. I wanted to hear the end. If I heard the end, the song would be over and there would be nothing left but the memory it instilled.

I walked out of the room feeling as if I were in a dream. I had no feeling in me at all; everything in me was drained from the sobbing. He was sitting at the table like he was this morning, this time, reading a book. Everything around me seemed to spin and I saw bright lights coming toward me.

"Christine?" was all I heard before the lights vanished leaving only darkness.

When I opened my eyes I was in the room again. My head was light and it made me dizzy to move it. I felt something cool against my forehead and leaned into it as best I could. Following what it was and what held it, my eyes ran up a long arm and up to a masked face.

"Erik…"

"Don't speak,"

That was all he had to say. I felt a coldness in his tone that stung my eyes again.

"Why are you being so mean to me, Erik? What did I do? Please tell me what I did wrong. I don't understand…"

"Don't speak anymore, just stay quiet, Christine."

"But I want to know!" I sobbed, "Please tell me what's wrong!"

"Please!"

He tried to bark the word, but it cracked in his throat. He brought his hands to his mask and covered his eyes. I witnessed him gasp for breath while his hands became moist with tears. He was crying…

"Christine please! You know I can't stand it when you cry!" he sobbed into his hands.

Now we both were crying. That couldn't have been a good thing. The last time both of us cried was the last night Raoul was here… but I wasn't there! Rachel Carson was not there!

I looked to the man who sat beside me in a heap of tears. With the actions of a child I took his hands in mine and brought them down from his face. His head hung low as he tried to conceal the tears that kept falling to his hands as well as my own. He attempted to pull away.

"Please Christine, let go. I brought you your food now let me leave. You don't know how much it pains me to see you as you are and know that you don't love me. It is torture Christine!"

I looked into his black holes that the tears emerged from. I didn't want to be alone anymore. The light only laughed at me, but it never cried like how Erik was crying. I couldn't see the lamp in the far side of the room therefore I could not hear it's laughing, but no matter were I turned I could always hear Erik's tears. My arms found there way around his neck and it was I who closed the gap between the two of us. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to hear the music, or see the darkness, or face the laughter. I just wanted to be with him.

"Christine please, don't torture me with you taunts of emotion. Let me go."

I could feel the tears from his eyes wet my shoulder.

"I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. I don't like being alone in the dark."

"You only say that because you are afraid. Is the light not good enough for you either?"

He had stopped crying. His last statement was a hint of his rising anger.

"Erik please don't leave me again. I don't want to be alone again."

"You certainly did want to be alone last night from what I recall."

He pulled back from me, but my arms were not about to let go.

"No, I wanted to be with you, but you walked out on me!"

"You told me to leave!"

"No I didn't!"

"You didn't want my love! You told me to leave!"

"But Erik you promised!"

There was a cold silence in the room. I could see the lamp now and what it held inside its glassy cage. The laughter had returned. I could hear it laughing. I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand its never-ending laughter. It had to be stopped. I was losing my mind to its tricks!

My arm swung out from Erik's neck and hit the lamp sending it straight into the wall. The room instantly went black. A few minutes passed before I spoke again.

"Erik? Erik where did you go?" I asked shyly.

"I'm – I'm right here…"

"What happened to the light, Erik? Did you turn it off?"

"No… you did, Christine."

"I never meant to make it go away, but it wouldn't stop laughing. I only wanted to make it stop laughing…"

"Christine, it wasn't laughing…"

"But I heard it! It was horrible! I had to make it stop, Erik! Erik don't you understand?"

There was only silence to my question.

"Erik? Erik where are you?"

I could feel his body rise from under my arms. He was going to leave me again!

"No! Please don't leave!"

I was answered with silence again.

"Don't go!"

I was not to be alone for long. I felt the other end of the bed lower as weight was put on it.

"Erik? Erik? Is that you? Please tell me that it's you!"

I reached out to what had lifted my side of the mattress up. My hands were met with other fingers.

"Erik, please tell me that's you!" I cried out.

I felt something lean up against my back as the fingers that touched my hand turned into arms. My back was still stiff as his arms laced around my waist to still my arms. I heard a shush in my ear and instantly relaxed knowing that it was Erik.

"Oh Erik it is you. I thought you left me again. I was afraid you had left…"

I leaned up against his shoulder and let my head rest there. He was humming in my ear. It was nothing like what I had experienced that day, but something sweet, something loving. My tears ceased and I was able to fully rest.

When I woke the next morning, he had not let go.

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**well at least they patched something up. but this is not the end of the light! the light has yet to die! what the heck am i talking about? review to find out!**


	16. What is Needed

**Disclaimer: If I owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be having such a bad writers block!**

**a/n: i am truly sorry about the long wait. i'm also sorry that this chapter is short. it was all i was able to get out and i thought it was only fair that i post was i have. thanks again for the reviews! hopefully i'll be out of my block soon!**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Sixteen _- What is Needed_**

_I was in complete darkness. There was nothing around me but a never ending open space. I took a step forward and I never felt the step, but I heard it. Even in the open space the step reverberated all around me. Then it appeared. It was a giant flame that burned in the distance just ahead of me. I took another step forward and the sound seemed to fall all around me as I took it. I then found myself running. Even as the sound crashed around me I kept up my constant movement. The flame became bigger and bigger the closer I came, but as I got too close I couldn't stop myself. It seemed to be sucking me into it. I heard it laughing. It wouldn't stop and I was screaming. I could feel the heat closing in around me until I reached the base of the wall of fire. By that time I felt the flame._

Suddenly, it was all gone. The flame had left and I found myself laying in a cold sweat. I was on the bed. The flame wasn't there. I was in the dark. But was I alone?

"Erik?" I gasped.

"I'm right here darling,"

He was close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. He really was there. I wasn't alone after all.

I nudged my head up under his chin again and felt his arms pull me closer. He was warm and I didn't mind in the least being so close.

"What's wrong with my little darling?" he asked softly above my head.

"I had a bad dream,"

"What happened?"

"It was dark and then I saw the fire and I ran to it and it sucked me in. It was horrible, Erik."

I pushed my head closer into his neck wanting more reassurance of him being there with me.

"Easy now dear, any closer and I won't be able to breathe."

I pulled back suddenly.

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to…"

"I didn't say you had to slide back that far little one. Come here,"

I smiled as he pulled me back to him, this time resting my head on his shoulder under his head.

"There now, that's better isn't it?"

"Mhm…"

"Go to sleep now. It is too early for you to wake."

"I don't want to go back…"

"Sh, sh, sleep now, sleep."

The second time I woke up that morning the lamp had been replaced. Turning around in the bed I noticed Erik's absence and was readying myself to call out to him when I noticed the open door. I was glad he had not locked me in there all by myself. A strong scent of breakfast hung in the air. _Bacon_… It smelled like heaven to me. I had not eaten in over a day and even the thought of food made me weak. Just as I was about to call out to Erik I saw him walking down the hall to my room with a tray of food.

I sat up in bed and smiled at his notion of sweetness.

"Awake I see," he said setting the tray down on my lap, "I thought you might be hungry this morning."

I nodded and began downing the meal. It was as good as it smelled and was gone within minutes.

"Very hungry I see,"

I let out a small embarrassed laugh. He took my tray and set it on a nearby night table.

"If you wish to change we may start your lessons once more."

I smiled again and nodded. It seemed as if nothing had changed. It was as if yesterday had never even happened. He nodded also and began to turn around to leave the room with my tray.

Everything seemed back to normal. Normalcy allowed days to pass easily as they once did. The same routines fell into place and I beat my mind to forget everything I saw that one long night.

The lessons those days went as usual. My voice was improving by the hour and it showed. I never in my life thought that my voice could have ever become so strong. After losing out on part after part I was convinced I would just have to wait till my voice fully matured, but also by that time, I was also sure it would be too late. But now, everything was working out beautifully under Erik's instruction. By the end of the lesson I was found sitting next to Erik on the piano bench with my head resting on his shoulder as he played. It became a sort of entertainment for me to watch as Erik's hands danced up and down the keyboard.

Eventually the music had to stop and when it did I don't believe I was the only one disappointed with its departure.

"I believe it is time for you to have you lunch." He said a little out of breath.

I agreed even though I would not have minded listening a little bit longer to him playing. Standing up and beginning to leave I turned around to face a man still sitting on a piano bench as he watched my every movement.

Many questions plagued my mind at many different times, but at the present moment I was truly wrapped up in one particular curiosity. I asked it not only to perform, but to see if the world I had become so accustomed to was truly real. If anything, the answer I desired from the question would certainly clarify everything if completely carried through.

"Erik," I asked shyly.

"Yes my Christine?"

"I – I was wondering if you would ever allow me to sing on the stage again?"

He stood also and closed in the space between us. His steps were carefully placed as if they were made by that of a cat. Saying nothing my eyes watched closely as his steps pasted me. But he was not leaving. He was merely stepping behind me. I felt no real need to turn around; it was odd, but I could almost sense what he was going to do.

Stepping behind me he took possession of my crossed arms by wrapping his completely over them. It scared me sometimes at how much larger he was next to me. In being so close to him I was easily able to rest my head to his chest. He was taller than me by at least a foot and a half. I couldn't reach up any higher. His head rested upon mine and I could have sworn that he had caught a long whiff of my hair intentionally. I felt his head inch closer to my ear.

"You want to sing on the stage again my little bird?" he seemed to rasp in left ear. I could feel the heat on my skin in that cold place that I found myself in and I wanted more of it.

"Yes Erik," I said breathlessly as my head found its self closer to his breathing.

"You want it badly, don't you? The stage is part of you Christine, you cannot escape it once you discover it. Performing is your passion in life. To live without it is not living but dying slowly. You want the world and through the stage you can own it in the palm of your hand."

The lights had dimmed in my room. I had not noticed for my eyes were shutting with the thought of what was told to me. He spoke reverently about what I craved more than anything as if he knew exactly how I felt. I wanted the stage again. I desired it with every fiber of my being. It was a part of me and I needed it in order to live. I wanted it badly and was willing to do anything to gain what was once mine back.

"Yes, yes I do want it badly," I whispered to him.

"And so it is when I think of you. Christine, don't you understand? You are now a part of my life. You're something I cannot escape. I can't help but love you, don't you see? Without you I would die, without you I have nothing, but with you I have the world. Christine I love you. I need you…"

He took my lips passionately as he seemed to pour out his soul. For once I met him in his love. I understood exactly how he felt. As I reached for the stage, so he reached for me and was willing to do anything to gain his goal. To obtain the stage, I had to surrender to him and at the time, I was finding it surprisingly easy.

In finding my reaction to be something positive and promising, he deepened the kiss in ways I had never experienced before. I remember as a child seeing such things being disgusting, but after the experience I was having, I could never think the same way again. I could feel his tongue penetrate my mouth as he engaged my tongue in the same interaction. With pain growing in my neck from his persistence I turned to face him reaching my arms to stretch around his neck. In that action he went even deeper and I could do nothing but comply with his needs at the time. My knees were becoming weak and I suddenly felt my feet lift and leave the floor completely. Being lifted from the floor was like being lifted to heaven. I was at eye level with him now as he held me close to his body. Once I felt as if I would never be able to breathe again, he drew back lowering me to the floor.

Opening my eyes I realized that the entire room had become pitch black. At the same time, I was all right with it. I needed to reassurance; I knew he was there with me. I could feel him; how his arms entrapped me to his body; how his fiery breath hit my face; how his ragged breathing mixed with mine and was the only thing heard in the room. I knew he was there. I did not need reassurance. An arm moved from my lower back. It moved up my entire back leaving hot tingling skin in its trail. A lone finger traced the outline of my lips as he caught his breath leaving mine to be the only thing heard in the room.

"If only little Christine would love her Erik back. Then she could see the stage she loves again."

"What?" I stepped back quickly in my shock. It was almost blackmail. I wasn't able to be far away long. The arm on my back tightened on what it held and I my head literally hit his chest. The hand that once so preciously traced my lips now held my head close to his chest. I could hear the man's heart beat and somehow out of that I was able to remember that he was human just as I was.

"Christine wants the stage, she wants it badly. Erik wants Christine, he wants Christine badly. If Christine would only love Erik, then he would have everything he could ever want and because he would have everything he could ever want, he would give Christine what she really wants. He would give Christine everything she's ever desired…"

"But why Erik?"

"Christine you must understand how I feel? I will do anything to get what I want and so will you. We belong together Christine."

"But why must it be this way?"

"Because it is the only way… it is the only way."

Letting me loose from his chest I felt his lips on mine again. He was slower now and only stayed connected for mere seconds compared to our last embrace. Staying inched from my face he said, "Now, shall we have lunch my dear?"

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**reviews give me inspiration!**


	17. Staring Shadows

**Disclaimer: If I owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be watching High School Musical 2; but know that even if I'm watching it, it doesn't mean I like it.**

**a/n: reviews really do give me inspiration. it's been what? like two days and i've already written another chapter out of my writers block. sry it's another shortie tho!**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Seventeen - _Staring Shadows_**

More days seemed to pass on. They may have been weeks for all I was concerned. It seemed to become colder in the house we shared. This resulted in longer nights sitting by a warm fire in the library. Other times I would curl up into a cozy blanket on a sofa and listen to Erik play the piano. If anything, playing an instrument seemed to increase the heat in the room whenever Erik was doing the playing. The many scarves I had made were finally giving a use. Some were so big I could almost make a sleeveless top – but that would not be appropriate. The colder temperatures reminded me of think winter. I thought back on snow and remissnesses of how it hid the dead world from its self in its white glow giving it beauty somehow... what snow really reminded me of was Erik.

I learned to avoid the dark when necessary for that was when Erik was the most outgoing. There was a time that we sat by the fire together. No words were being said at the moment. I had curled up near him on the ottoman and his arms held me tightly while we simply sat in silence listening to the crackle of the fire. The flame only seemed to haunt me when Erik was not near me. It seemed that while I was curled up under his embrace that the sound of the laughter died away. Yet, at the same time, whenever he let go, I could already hear the laughter begin to chuckle.

A blanket was shared between the two of us. Feeling a bit tired I let my head rest on his shoulder and sighed. By this time the fire had began to die from lack of food leaving the room to darkness.

"Christine?" he said faintly behind me.

"Hmm?" I mumbled tiredly.

"Are you happy here with me?"

In my dreamy state I was at a lack of thought. I was very content at the present moment and that was all I could truly contemplate at the time.

"Yes..."

My near sleep was interrupted but his kissing me.

"God I love you Christine," he said into my mouth,

Before I could comprehend what exactly was happening, I found myself under him as he kissed me. Thankfully, the blanket had stayed over me during this exchange of positions. Anything that kept him from even seeing the buttons on my nightgown was a good enough barrier for me. As time had passed with us, his hands had become much more outgoing when it came to feeling my body. If there wasn't at least one hand on my upper thigh, there was a hand approaching my chest or some other area that was normally off limits, but Erik seemed to have no limits when it came to me. In times such as these, I was not able to think about what he was doing when it was anywhere other than my lips. The only thing that kept my head from spinning was his persistent kissing that kept it roughly one spot.

Pulling away from my lips, I felt a finger begin to twittel with a lock of my hair. His other hand had yet to catch up to the one in my hair was still on a slow travel to meet it. Lightly passing up my hips and over my stomach I let out a giggle at its soft touch. The hand stopped. It moved again as it had before and I let out a full laugh. Before I knew it I was laughing so hard as he tickled me in various cushioned places on my skin. I could feel tears fall from my eyes after laughing so hard. It was then that he was kissing me again while I laughed. His hands ceased from moving rapidly as they were. They tangled under my head and massaged my scalp while he pulled back only inches from me.

"My Christine is happy with me. She is happy, yes?"

I was still in a giggle fit and I laughed out an agreement. His eyes were visible to me again in all their golden spender. They quickly disappeared as he kissed me softly again.

"You are crying, Christine. My Christine should never need to cry."

"Because I was laughing so hard, Erik!"

He kissed me once more.

"So she cries out of her happiness?"

I giggled again. He laughed too. I was then lifted from the ottoman, but I was unexpectantly set back down with my back to Erik as it had been minutes before. The blanket was replaced snuggly over my body as it had been before. This surprised me. I had expected him to take me back to the bed and try to go farther. I was readying myself for yet another fight, but it never had to come. His resistance almost seemed to make me want him more.

After a few more days (once again, I cannot say how many), it had become almost unbarably cold in our little apartment. I found myself carrying a blanket everywhere I went (which was usually where Erik was). Once I was not sure at whether I could stand the chills much longer, I made an inquiry to Erik.

"You feel that it is cold?" he looked up from his piano piece that he had been working on that evening.

"Well, yes, kind of..."

"Well, it is winter now. It is expected. I can invest in a warmer coat if you so desire one."

"It's winter?"

"Why, of course it is winter."

"What is the day?"

"It is the last Tuesday of December. Today is the twenty-fifth of that month."

"But isn't that Christmas?"

There was a pause.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"But, but doesn't that mean anything to you? It's Christmas!"

He seemed to be remembering something that even my mind's eye was not supposed to see.

"Erik?" I asked putting a light hand on his shoulder to bring him back to life. He sprang to life as if scared by my touch and I let my hand retreat. In seeing me he took that same hand and patted it gently.

"Would – would you accept a gift from Erik?" he asked this as if pleading. It made me wonder what he had been trough to cause all of this.

"Of course I would, why wouldn't I?"

Even without being able to see his face, I knew that he was smiling. His golden eyes became visible and began to sparkle. This time, the lust that was usually found in those golden orbs, was not there. There was only room for pure happiness to shine in those lovely eyes.

"Come! Come with me Christine! I will show you something!"

He had now taken my hand and was leading me out of the room at a quick pace. I followed him, growing excited with each step he took.

"I do hope you like it, Christine. I thought it would be able to keep you company if I were ever to leave on business."

He led me to the library and sat me on the ottoman. He knelt on the floor in front of me and kept my hand in his.

"This is something I've been wanting to give you for some time. But I wasn't sure if you would accept it from poor Erik. Erik's mother never accepted anything from him. This made Erik fear of giving you anything. You deserve better from someone deserving of giving you a gift..."

His words nearly drove me to tears. What could this man possibly have gone through that I didn't know about?

"But, you said that you would accept poor Erik's gift, yes?"

"Yes, yes of course, I would love a gift from you!"

He turned away quickly to hide his tears. I was going to reach out to him when he handed me a magnificently wrapped box that was just the size of my lap. The red and gold wrapping of the box was enough to get me giddy. Finally turning back to me he urged me to open it quickly.

Obeying both of our wishes I neatly opened the box. I felt bad about 'hurting' the art of his wrapping. Once getting the top undone, the box let its self lose from the sides making each side fall out. Inside was the most decorative thing I have ever seen in my life. I thought it was a statue of some sort. I was almost afraid to reach out and touch it when it moved!

A cat! A jet back cat that was covered from neck to tail in jewels of gold, silver, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, everything a woman could ever want in jewelry! Noticing the cat wanted freedom from it's shinny cage, Erik unlatched something from the other side and let the jewels fall simultaneously on the flat box. The cat, looking bored hopped gracefully off my lap and laid down on a near-by pillow. The jewels somehow, remained neat and organized on their holder. I wasn't even sure whether it was a good idea to even touch any of it in fear of it disappearing. Reaching out slowing, I felt the cool rocks under my fingers and looked to Erik.

"Oh Erik!"

It's hard to explain how a kiss came from that, but it did somehow. It was possible that because the lights were already dim, everything was made a bit easier to kiss – or dare I say it – make out? What I do remember from that were the tears that were shed from Erik's eyes while we kissed. I wasn't about to ask about it. There are somethings that even curiosity strays from.

One morning after Erik had left to do some things (such as making breakfast, but I had often wondered whether breakfast really took three hours), I sat up in bed with my new cat resting softly on my lap. I remembered back to three years back one sunny Sunday afternoon I went out looking for my lost cat by the name of Sammy. He was an outside cat, but would always come back once a day for food. On the third day of his absence I sent my dog out to find him. My dog was not one of those dogs you could give a sock to and get a human in return, but this was different. My dog loved Sammy. They grew up together and if I ever wanted to find Sammy, all I had to do was let my good dog loose. The cat would be found within moments coming out of a bush, casing my dog. I let my dog loose and this time, he went to a single spot and sniffed something. I ran to the spot only to find Sammy unmoving under a dead bush. That was the last time I ever saw him.

I would remember Sammy out of anywhere. He had thirteen single white hairs on his belly that went in a random order. That was the only white on his body – everything else was jet black. Looking down at the cat sleeping so nicely on my lap, I had to see for sure. Waking him up, I lifted him up on his back paws. There were a few white hairs on his belly and the only way to know for sure was to count them. As one came closer to thirteen my counting became slower. The cat started to wiggle in my hands just as I counted the thirteenth hair. Tears welled in my eyes. _Could this be my Sammy?_

"Sammy?!"

It may have been me losing it, but I could have sworn that the cat glanced annoying over to me. I brought the cat to my chest. This couldn't be Sammy! Sammy was from my dream! Sammy wasn't real! If this was the real Sammy, Rachel Carson really existed! The name was so far fetched in my mind. Rachel Carson? Don't I know her somewhere?

Erik walked in to announce breakfast only to see me hugging the helpless cat.

"You do like the cat, then?"

Breaking my moment, I looked at him, tears were still visible in my eyes.

"Sammy..."

"What?"

"Sammy, Sammy! You brought me Sammy!"

He gave a little laugh that may have been something between happiness and pity at my craziness.

"Yes, my darling, I brought you your Sammy."

I nodded in agreement. It was at that moment that I turned to see a shadow from the lamp light. It was in that shadow that I saw Rachel Caron stare right back at me.

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**fyi: the sammy story was true. 'my dog' really did find my cat each time... even after an unknown death. so! i brought sammy back! **

**reviews welcome!**


	18. At the Brink

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I have a feeling I wouldn't be watching Spongebob...**

**a/n: thanks for all the reviews! i just found the chapter! i can't remember how long ago i wrote it but i liked it! that is except for the end... but what i have written for the next chapter redeems it.**

**plz read & review!

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Chapter Eighteen – At the Brink 

Sammy was becoming my best and most trusted friend. He was rude, inconsiderate, stubborn, and selfish; but he was a cat, and cats always know how to be forgiven. One finds that when there is no one else, friends are easier to make. As foolish as it may sound, I would often talk to him more than I talked to Erik. Sammy was a good listener as long as I scratched him in the right place. Sometimes while I was waiting for Erik, Sammy would crawl up on my belly and rest there.

"Christine, that cat cannot be under the sheets. We sleep there!"

I shot a nasty look to him as he stood at the doorframe.

"Sh! He's asleep Erik!"

"He's going to be woken up soon anyway when I get a hold of him."

"Erik you wouldn't! He's my cat and I can do with him how _I_ want!"

"And you're _my_ wife, Christine."

He didn't say that he could 'do with me as he wanted' but I new that's what he meant. That quieted me. He stood over me as I lay in the bed.

"Oh Erik, please don't make him leave. He won't bother you."

"Yes he will."

"How?"

"When we were married, you said that you would allow me to hold you. I didn't agree that to a cat. Now unless you want to trade in those original terms…"

There was a smirk in his eyes. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

"No, I think the _terms_ are fine as they are," I stated clearly, "but can't he stay for just one night?"

"I'd ask the same of you if I thought I could restrain myself the next morning."

"Erik! How rude you are!"

I saw his eyes glow.

"Oh look you woke him up! And I was only telling the truth. Don't you think we should be truthful to each other, my dear?"

I looked down at a peeved Sammy on my stomach.

"Come on Sammy, let's go somewhere else."

Getting out of bed and going to a fluffy chair in the room I sat down placing Sammy atop me.

"Set the cat down, Christine."

My eyes narrowed.

"No,"

"What was that, Christine? You didn't actually deny what I asked of you?"

Sticking my nose up into the air I looked away from him.

"Very well, then, you leave me no choice."

Before I knew it Sammy had jumped from my lap as I was lifted up off the chair into Erik's arms. He began to walk to the bed.

"Let go!"

I pushed against him with all I had to no avail.

"I said to let me go Erik!"

"As you wish,"

I was thinking he would let me on my feet. What he had in mind was different. He literally dropped me as I was right on the bed. I let out a tiny scream thinking I was going to hit the floor. Realizing I had hit something soft I looked up at him as he turned off the light.

"You're horrible!"

"Am I my dear? Am I really horrible?"

"Yes! Yes you are!"

Sitting down beside me on the bed, he took my head in his hands and led my lips to meet his. I tried to pull away; not out of fear, but out of my madness towards him. His hands did not let me loose until he was finished with what he wanted.

"You still think that I am horrible, love?"

"Yes, yes I do!"

Apparently I answered wrongly because he was kissing me again.

"Do you really want to leave me for the cat, now?"

"Let me go!"

Wrong answer. Now he was pushing me down to the bed with his persistence. I yelped out in refusal only resulting in him going deeper and deeper into his mission of getting me to surrender. His lips began to move down from my chin to my neck giving freedom to my mouth.

"Erik I'm serious – "

My mouth was shut with his hand while his lips traveled up to my ear.

"So am I." He said huskily in my ear.

I could feel him beginning to change his body position to set on top of mine.

"Erik…"

I meant it to sound like a plea to make him stop but it almost seemed to come out more like a moan. This increased his pace on my neck. My hands reached up to his chest in attempt to stop him. I felt him approach my ear again.

"You still want to get the cat?"

"I – "

"We can change the terms any time you want…"

I could feel his hands begin to tug lightly at the hem of my nightgown (which had somehow reached my thighs). His hands began to run up my legs. If I didn't stop now I could never put a halt to those traveling hands.

"No!"

The hands stopped.

"You would rather sleep beside me then? You would choose me over the cat?"

"Yes! Yes!"

"Very well,"

With that he had rolled off of me. I was pulled back against his shape as I had always been many nights before. I suddenly became upset. Everything had been so sudden and then he just stopped!

"What was all that?" I spat trying to turn around to face him.

There was no answer. What he trying to be asleep?

"Erik! I know you're not asleep. If you were asleep you wouldn't have such a tight hold on me. Tell me what all that was about?"

"You don't know whether I am asleep or not."

"I do now that you're talking!"

I tried to turn to him again only to be held down tighter.

"I'm talking because you woke me up. Go to sleep, it is late."

I tried pushing free one last time to no avail. Letting out an annoyed sigh I stopped trying to get comfortable.

"I love you Christine." He said in my ear.

"Hmf."

Laughing softly, he kissed me lightly on the temple and rested his head on mine. I could do nothing but sleep from there.

_Two long days had passed since Luke had found Sammy under the old bush. I knew that burying him would be something I would have to do myself. Going into the storage room I took the old shovel out of its spider web encampment. The walk out to the bush seemed a lot farther than it ever had before. Up until that time the bush was nonexistent to my eyes, but now, I would always notice it. The tears blurred my vision. They fell to the ground after I refused to wipe them away. Looking under the bush I prepared myself for the sight I was going to see; but that sight never came. Sammy was gone and nowhere to be found. "Sammy?" I looked around expecting to find him somehow, but I never did. It baffled me for weeks on end. I had never stood there long enough to see if he was really dead or alive the first time. I had run away like the scared child I was. Sammy could have run away too. Sammy could be wanting food… or what if Sammy was taken by something else? What if it was some mean animal that took him before I could get to him? …What if Erik took him before I could get to him? I was back in my room at the apartment and there was a loud meowing at the door. The door opened before me revealing a bloodstained cat standing in front of a roaring flame. "No!" I tried to run, but the wall was right behind me. As the cat approached, the flame followed right behind it. Not only was the flame laughing, the cat was laughing too. Louder and louder until – _

"Christine wake up!"

"No!"

I fought the restraints on my arms while screaming out in terror. Everything was dark. There was a single presence in front of me. It took a few minutes of recovery to realize it was Erik.

"Christine, Christine, you were dreaming again, darling."

"Oh Erik!"

I fell into his warm embrace easily. Taking me up on his lap he rocked me back and forth.

"Another bad dream, my love?"

"Mhm,"

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Sammy… You took my Sammy!"

" 'Your Sammy' is at the door making a racket."

I heard the same meow from my dream. It was behind the door too – just like the dream.

"I can let him in if you wish, Christine."

"No!" I screamed

"Calm down darling, I don't have to let him in if you don't want me to."

"No, it was in my dream! He was behind the door and when it opened the flame was behind it and it was laughing at me!"

"Sh, don't say anymore about the dream. It isn't real."

"But Sammy!"

"I'll get him and you'll see."

"No! No just stay with me, just stay, please? I said that I wanted you over Sammy."

I clutched his shirt tightly in my hands refusing to let go. He let me sob into his shoulder a bit longer.

"Very well, very well," he cooed stroking my hair, "I won't let him in if you don't want me to."

I would have gone back to sleep as soon as he started to hum, but my mind wasn't exactly working with me at that moment.

"How did you get my Sammy? He disappeared three years ago. How did you get him?"

"I bought him from an aristocrat who was selling kittens at a price. He has papers on his bred."

"But I lost my Sammy years ago after I thought he had died. You found him didn't you?"

"I did not 'find' him. I paid for him with all the other expensive jewels I gave you."

"But he has the thirteen white hairs! It's got to be him!"

"Christine, this is not the same cat. This isn't from that dream too is it?"

I could hear the growl in his voice now. He had become tired with my sobbing and complaining.

"You don't care! You don't even care! I can't help it! I want my cat! You took him away from me!"

"Then I'll get him!"

"Don't leave! Don't go! Please don't go!"

But he had already left for the door. We were screaming at each other now and there was nothing I could do to stop him.

"Don't open the door! Please don't open the –"

I was screaming out in fear, but there was not light. I felt Sammy leap on my lap and I screamed out of surprise.

"Sammy?"

The cat's eyes shined in the darkness. I reached down to feel to see if he was all right.

"Oh Sammy it is you! You came back! You came back!"

I would have never have known it that night, but I had completely gone insane.

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**yeah, yeah i know. but what do you know? shoot me a review!!**


	19. This is Love

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I totally wouldn't be watching Hannah Montana.**

**a/n: well, here it goes. oh and gravity01 you totally rock my face off right now.**

**plz read & review!

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**

Chapter Nineteen – This is Love 

The next portion of my life was filled with literal darkness. I relied on Erik for everything. For the longest time I refused to walk out of my room convinced that the flame was still out there. I had Sammy stay in my lap as much as possible in fear that he would disappear again. Erik brought my food to me and sometimes fed it to me. I did not let go of that cat, not even for food. When he was not feeding me, he was holding me in his arms.

Sometimes he would sing me a sweet lullaby to get me to sleep. Other times he would simply hold me as if he were afraid to let me go as I was afraid to let Sammy loose. But there were still those times that he thought I was asleep that I would hear his true feelings come out.

He would end his song beautifully, but even his power over music could not influence me in that state I was in. Ending the song he would wait a few moments before making any other movements. I was leaning up against him one night when I hear soft words reach my ears.

"Rachel… Rachel… What have I done to you?"

Rachel? He addressed me as Rachel?

He said nothing more after that, but only a few nights later I could feel his tears on my neck as he cried. There was so much to ask him, but I could never find the words. He believed me to be asleep. If I 'woke up' suddenly he would know that I was awake the entire time. He felt that there was nothing he could do for me, and I knew there was nothing I could do for him. It was killing us both.

Some time later I had become accustomed to the light once again. I could feed myself and even went on trips to the library as well as the music room on occasion. Staying quiet most of the time, I simply followed Erik like the little shadow I was. He would still read to me in the library as I huddled up to him in seek of warmth and love. I even started my music lessons with time. It's hard to explain exactly what happened in my dark age of life. I refuse to ever go back to it unless I truly have to.

After a steady recovery things went back to what I considered normal. I woke up, ate breakfast, had a music lesson, ate lunch, had a brief lesson in language, read (or was read to) in the library, prepared for dinner, ate dinner, listened to Erik play, and then go to bed. The organized living schedule was something I was very agreeable with. Yet, questions of past events still swam around my mind like an angry serpent.

One cold night, Erik and I sat closely together on the ottoman listening to the crackling fire and reading "A Tale of Two Cities". As interesting as the book was, I was having difficulty paying attention. Erik seemed to be able to make any story or lesson interesting, but the night I saw the cell phone hung heavily in my mind. I was sure that the Sammy in my lap was the same Sammy from my old life. No properly bred cat would have thirteen random furs on its belly. Adjusting my head to fit Erik's shoulder a bit more comfortably, I sighed a long tired sigh. He stopped reading.

"Christine? Dearest? Are you tired? It has gotten late since we first started."

I didn't want to answer – I didn't know what I wanted. I was so used to Erik doing everything for me, never asking me what I wanted because he already knew it. Not having to decide everything had been nice for my troubled mind.

"Erik?"

"Yes, my darling?"

"Can… can I ask you something… something without making you mad?"

There was an uneven pause. We both seemed to know what was coming.

"It is concerning your dreams isn't it?"

"And – and if it is?"

"I don't want you getting upset again."

That wasn't about to stop me. My mind was already 'upset'.

"Will you promise? Will you promise that you will not get mad?"

He readjusted his position to face me.

"I will not get mad… so long as you do not speak of anything that should not be spoken of."

"But why? Why won't you listen to the one thing I want to speak to you about?"

"Why should I listen to something that is not real? It is a waste."

"Don't you care?"

This made him especially mad. Taking my shoulders he shook them.

"Care for you? Care for you! What have I been doing for you all this time, Christine? I've been taking care of you this entire time! With the way you've been behaving you would have died without my care! Don't even begin on whether I care for you or not!"

My head dropped. I couldn't look at him and that masked face of his any longer. He was right. He was right about everything. I had become such a helpless thing. I felt as if I couldn't do anything for myself. Why should he care about my dumb dreams? Even if they did torment me constantly. He was doing so much for me all ready. I never deserved any of it.

"Oh Erik," I fell into him in my sorrow, "oh Erik, I'm so sorry. You're right, you're right about everything. I feel horrible."

Hearing he had won he eased his grip on my shoulders and literally welcomed me back into his open arms while resting his head on mine.

"Erik I'm sorry."

"Say no more my child. You are forgiven. Everyone makes mistakes. Even angels like you." He squeezed me tightly at that last remark. "Still, nothing will ever stop me from loving you."

No, I had not resolved anything at all. But I did not want him angry at me. Even if he would never stop loving me, that never said he couldn't be mad at me. I sighed and cuddled closer to him. Feeling him kiss my head I smiled slightly. He really did love me.

More time passed. Once again I cannot say how long. Time was constantly moving in that place. I could never pinpoint any of it, not even a second. There was one way to tell a change – the temperature. When there is so much less to worry about, one notices things they're never noticed before. Even a single degree change could become noticeable. That is how I began to pick up on the beginnings of spring.

"Erik?"

"Yes, darling?" he looked up from what he was reading.

"What month is it?"

"March seventh, Christine."

"March?"

"Yes, Christine."

"Then that means I'm seventeen now…" I said more to myself then to him.

He actually looked up from his book.

"Seventeen?"

"My – my birthday – February seventh – I've been seventeen for a month now… Did you not know?"

"Yes, I… I knew."

"Could you have told me?"

"You… weren't in a telling state at the time."

"Oh…"

I let him return to the book so that I could think. Seventeen, I was seventeen! I felt that I should have been excited or something, but I wasn't. I had missed my seventeenth birthday out of my own stupidness. I sighed and looked over at Erik. Walking over to his chair across from the Ottoman I touched his shoulder lightly. He seemed startled and then looked up at me.

"Yes, Christine?"

"May I sit with you?"

It was hard to tell whether he was annoyed or happy, but I took him putting down the book and taking my waist as a good sign. It was easier for me to fit to his form now that I had known him for what seemed like so long now. It makes me wonder if a person is ever meant to fit to a certain someone or whether they learn to fit to them. Either way, it was a cozy little fit we had made over our time together. After a while of sitting curled up on his lap, I sighed. The lights had begun to die down in the room as the fire lost its flame.

"What is wrong my little darling?" he said softly over my head.

"Erik," I looked up at him, "I'm seventeen."

"Or twenty-one, but I suppose I'll leave that to you for now. So, seventeen my little one?"

I readjusted my head under the crook of his neck again. He was making fun of me. How could I talk to him when he was making fun of me? There was no light left now. I sighed.

"What is the matter now?" I could feel him kiss my head lightly. His mask was off.

I realized then that it would be May soon. With May came one year of marriage. One year of marriage left, one year of marriage before…

"Christine?"

"Yes?"

"I haven't kissed you today."

I suddenly leaned away from his shoulder as I tried to look into his shining eyes.

"Haven't you?"

"No." He answered quickly. I could feel his breath on my face now. When was the last time I really kissed him at all? There were times during my depression that I remember him kissing me slowly, but I was always too weak to ever respond. Now I was in near-perfect health.

"Christine," I could feel his hand run from my forehead to behind my ear, "Christine…"

I looked up only faintly to see his eyes glow bright gold. I knew that he had taken his mask off and was going to be closing the gap soon unless I did something. But why would I do something? What would be the problem with a kiss? I could feel my face becoming hotter with his breath. He was going to kiss me… but nearly a year from now it would be much more than kissing – too much more – a kiss leads to that much more…

He only touched my lips briefly before I pushed him away.

"No!"

His eyes dimmed and my face was cold. His eyes were smaller now, he was mad.

"No Christine?"

"Erik I – "

"After all I've done for you? No is your answer?" He growled.

"Erik, Erik you don't understand – "

"Don't I?"

"Erik I'm scared, please don't – "

"Scared? Scared of me, Christine?"

"No – I don't know what – "

"Then if you're not scared of me kiss me! I've never asked anything of you but this! Christine you are my wife!"

"Erik I know – " I cried.

"You haven't really kissed me in months! It's all I ever asked from you after what you asked from me!"

"Erik just listen to – "

"No! No!" I heard his voice crack, "After all I've done for you! This is all I'm asking for! Christine I've done so much for you! All for you Christine! Just a kiss is all I want! Just a – "

My hand went up to his mouth to shut it.

"Erik I love you."

For some odd reason, I felt a lot better after saying those four words. He was quiet now. Very, very quiet. It was so dark, was he still there?

"Erik, a-are you still there?"

"Yes."

More silence. Did I really just say that? It really hadn't occurred to me what I just said.

"Erik- Erik I'm scared… to love you…"

I couldn't even hear his breathing.

"Erik, are you still there?"

"Christine,"

"Yes?" I said quickly.

"Christine…" he moaned sadly.

There was a faint glowing in his eyes. It was faint, yes, but I could still see it. He still loved me. I knew he did and now he was scared as I was. He really had done so much for me. How could I have repaid him? Now my hand was reaching up to his head to stroke his hair. He flinched away at first, but in noticing it was me he suddenly seemed to notice my presence and leaned into my hand. His eyes were closed now. With a light pressure from my hand I began to close in the gap between us. This time, I was kissing him.

It wasn't too long after that moment in my life that I found myself dressed and ready for bed and waiting for Erik. He had been particularly quiet and wasn't responding to anything I did to catch his attention. His mind always seemed elsewhere and that elsewhere was completely out of my bounds to even try to reach. I waited for him somewhat longer than usual. I wanted to talk to him before the day was completely over. And so I was left to wait.

It all reminded me of our first night sleeping in the same room together. I was still waiting, but for a different reason. Then, I dreaded the idea that he would eventually be entering the room. Now, I waited for him – I wanted him in the room with me. Sammy was now there with me. It was a relief to have something there to help the time pass. Sammy really was my best friend and looking back I wonder what I would have done without him at times. And so I waited.

After a while, I began to think that he would not come. I knew that I could find him, but I felt that it was his turn to find me. I gave him my truth and now I wanted his. Thinking that he was waiting for me to go to sleep, I turned out my light. He knew that the only reason I turned out that light was to sleep so I stuck it out and mustered up all the light of day I could think of while I was still left to wait.

Some time later I heard the faint squeak of the doorknob. It frightened me for I was waiting to hear that one sound more than anything. I had to force myself not to make a peep so that he could make it to the bed. With my eyes still tightly shut I waited for mattress to shift its weight. I never heard him walk, but the shift came very lightly as to not disturb me. It took another amount of time for me to feel his form next to mine. His hands moved timidly around my waist and he seemed to be fighting the force that wanted to keep up together in an embrace. It was time, he was right where I had wanted him to be all the lonely night. My hands laced with his fingers. His reaction was one of an opposite measure.

"Erik please – "

"No."

He tried to pull away entirely.

"Erik – "

"No Christine."

"Why? Why do you pull away? This is what you wanted…"

He pulled away and we both sat up. His eyes were shinning dimly.

"So now it's what I want?"

"Well, I…"

There was a pause in which we could only hear each other's breath.

"You don't love me. You're just playing tricks on me!" He said trying to convince me.

"No! Erik please don't say that – "

"I will say what I want and you can't stop me!"

"Then at least listen to what I want to tell you – "

"All these words mean nothing to me."

"Then what do you want me to do, Erik? What do you want from me?"

He cupped my head in his hands and led me rather forcefully to meet his lips. His passion was overwhelming for me at the time, but I answered to his call in all the confusion of the moment. My mouth was forced open and it felt as if my tongue were being pulled out. My mouth wasn't even mine anymore, but someone else's and so the pattern seemed to follow with the rest of my body. His hands no longer cupped my face but were making their way down my neck. They didn't stop there either and when they reached my chest I tried to pull back from him but my arms were soon encased under the weight of his. He wasn't going to let me go and I feared the worst.

By back was then hitting the soft cushion of the bed and I was surely trapped. Once pinned down the hands were able to move around again. This time they did not try to undo the buttons but went straight to my hips. It was so dark and the only sound that existed was his breathing – his hard deep breathing on my neck as he kissed me.

"Erik please – "

"What?" His gold eyes appeared directly above mine, "you said you loved me. Now is your chance to prove to me that you love me like you said. Do you love me Christine?"

"Erik I – "

"One word Christine. It only takes one word."

"Well if this is the only way to ever prove that I love you then I guess you'll just never know will you?!"

"But this _is_ love, Christine."

"No! No it's not, Erik. Don't you see? There's so much more then just this. You've loved me all this time and yet we're never… See, it's just something like an extra plus to being in love, but it's not all that love is. Erik I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I-I love you but I don't want to step this far. Can't you try to understand that? I know I've asked a lot of you lately, but why did a kiss have to turn into so much? Erik, Erik I won't respond to you unless you respond to me on my terms."

"Oh there are ways of making you respond I'm sure…"

"Erik please!"

"Begging again? Always begging!"

"How else will you listen to me, Erik?"

With that he rolled over to his side and began to get up.

"Oh no you don't!" I heard him stop and got up myself and ran to the door blindly. "You don't get to leave this time! I get to leave!"

With that I had opened the door and began to stomp out. He was soon in front of me blocking my path.

"Move Erik."

"Don't you even dare to challenge me in a threat you child!"

"Well I'm not going back to bed." I said crossing my arms.

"Oh yes you are going back to that bed!"

"Not without you I'm not!"

"Oh don't even try to act like you want me there – "

"Fine I won't act! I do want you there with me! It's as simple as that! What's so hard to understand?"

"I'm warning you, Christine. Go back now."

"Make me!"

With that he had picked me up and was walking me back to that bed. All the while I was kicking and screaming for him to let me go. And as always, he did let me go: right on the bed. He thought he could run away quick enough but I was already up and sitting on the chair in the room.

"Christine don't you dare defy me!"

"Hmpf!"

He only had to take one giant step to be back in front of me. With one iron hand my upper arm was taken and nearly through the rest of my body with it as I hit the bed. My head did not hit the wood, but my arm did. Erik did not see it, but the sound of bone hitting surface made its self-known instantly. I slumped down from the bed and to the floor as if limp. He turned around suddenly.

"Christine?"

I didn't answer. He would come back.

"Christine you damn well answer me!"

Still no answer.

"Christine?" I heard him kneel beside me, "Christine this had better not be a game of yours. I'll kill you if it is!"

He did still love me. He said these words out of fear. I knew he could never really hurt me so I looked up at his burning eyes and said, "knife, gun, or rope?"

"What?" he boomed.

"I'd like to know how you're going to kill me so I can be expecting it." I said lightly with a hint of mock.

"Poison."

"Will it hurt?"

"It can."

"So I should stop eating. That way I cannot be poisoned." I said matter-of-factly.

"I will not let you take your own life by starvation."

"Does that lead to that if you don't kill me, I'll never be given a chance to die?"

"You will not die," he said standing up, "you will be killed."

He offered his hand to me and I began to realize that he had started to calm down. I took it and stood next to his level. Leaving my hand in his, I sat down and took it with me to set on my lap. He sat down as well.

"You really want to kill me, Erik?" I asked with a simple smile.

He let out something compared to a growl and said, "not when you smile at me like that."

No longer was I only smiling, I was laughing too as I leaned in to hug him tightly. It had taken him somewhat off guard, but he soon returned the action and began to laugh slightly as well.

"Don't you see, Erik? This is love." I kissed him lightly on the cheek, "now can we finally go to sleep and forget about all of this?"

"Forget about it? How is that possible? You've already said that you loved me. I'm afraid you cannot take that back once you have said it, my dear."

I laughed quietly and said, "no, no, dear, forget about the things that don't deserve to be remembered. In fact I forbid you to ever forget that I love you."

"So now you're forbidding me from things?"

"No, just the most important things."

Once under the sheets and as close as possible to each other, I leaned over to his cheek once more and kissed it softly.

"Goodnight, Erik, I love you."

In return, he kissed me on the temple and whispered back, "and I love you Christine."

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**so, seriously, are these characters losing their touch? or is it their story? or is it still pretty good? the truth is in the eye! review!!!**


	20. Happy Anniversary

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I would have had this chapter out sooner.**

**a/n: sooo i'm sorry this took so long to get out... what i do have to say is THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THOSE WHO REVIEW!!! honestly, without your ideas and questions this chapter WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED. so thank you thank you THANK YOU!! **

**plz read & review! (if you want to see another chapter that is)

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Chapter Twenty– Happy Anniversary 

For a week or so after that night I found myself blushing almost constantly. For the first time in my life I had really been in love and just realizing such a feeling was enough to keep my face hot for hours. Most fortunately, (or should I say unfortunately) Erik realized this new change and took as much advantage of it as possible. Now he would not only say, "I love you," but then instantly expect an answer in return. It was not that I did not want to answer back; it was more of he was asking so often. When he wasn't asking verbally, he would sometimes ask physically; nothing too much to handle, but examples such as reaching his hand out half way and then expect me to reach the rest of the way and make complete contact. To be honest I cannot really blame him, sometimes I would do the same thing, but he did it so often that I never really had to. I suppose that is just what lovers do. I was still young in age at that time, even after I had experienced so much. There was still much to learn in the aspects of love.

The days past as they always had, nothing had really changed from our routine. The small misfortune I had that consisted of my arm hitting the bed only resulted in a disgusting looking black bruise. In first seeing it I nearly screamed in the bathroom. After some mental recovery, I was able to put a long sleeve dress on and forget it until it healed. It hurt, but I wasn't about to let it get between Erik and I.

My voice was advancing in ways that never ceased to astonish me and my vocabulary was growing as well. As I have mentioned before, Erik is a great teacher - in all subjects of life. Unfortunately for me, I was too young to realize that he was not only a teacher of subjects found in the pages of a book, but he was also knowledgeable in the ways of the men he hated so much.

"When you are not permitted to speak, you listen, and when you listen, you learn: more than you could ever imagine." He would say this to me after a lesson every now and then. Sometimes it would be out of anger, others out of love, but in whatever context he placed it, it would always have the same meaning in the end.

It gradually became warmer in out little house. I was able to change into some new dresses that I had not worn in months. It was then that I realized how the weather had changed. I know that sounds odd that I would figure out the weather through my fashion choices, but when I had so much time to decide on what to wear in the morning, it is easy to think of more than just clothes. Warmer temperatures meant that it was spring; spring meant that it was close to May; May meant that it was almost a year.

Once having this epiphany I gasped. It would be a year soon! One whole year with Erik! One whole year being married! My mind tried to figure out what to do. What would regular couples do on an anniversary? Sadly enough, I must admit that my mind went straight to something that our odd coupleship had yet to do for another year. Shaking those thoughts out of my head I began to think of _other_ things couples did on an anniversary. There was usually dinner together... Well, Erik and I always did that... Sometimes they would spend the day together, just the two of them... Already done... Or they would give gifts to each other... But Erik had already seemed to give me so much... Yet had I ever given anything to him?

This sparked an idea. What could I give to Erik? My faced lost a little of its light, he already had everything he needed. Now that I admitted I loved him, what else was there that I could give him? Once again my mind floated to something I told him to wait for. I was a coward. There I was worried about my own physical pain after Erik had given me so much while I gave him so little. No, I told myself, I'm not ready for that yet. It would have been out of place. Glancing around my room I saw my knitting and cross-stitching supplies in the corner. What would he want with an embroidered scarf? Sitting on my bed and hugging a pillow I tried to let my mind spark with a good idea, that was when Erik came for me.

"Did you sleep well, love?" he asked beckoning me out of my room with his presence.

"Oh yes, very well, and did you?" I responded following him to the dining room.

"For the hour that I did sleep, yes I slept well."

"Erik really, would it kill you to sleep more?"

"Yes, it would," he said lightly as he took my chair out for me.

"And why is that?"

"I cannot live without seeing you with me, Christine. It is unbearable."

I looked down and blushed once again. He was so forward with his complements and I was so shy. It was unfair. I attempted to comply.

"It amazes me you can see at all. There is no light anymore."

I had meant that to be an 'I chose you over the light' thing... He must have got the message somehow. He really had begun to know me well over the year I had spent with him.

"My eyes have never been able to escape an angel's beauty, even with the lights off."

What was I to say to that but "thank you"? I looked down from his glowing eyes and blushed again.

"I love you, Christine," he said in that gentle soft way only he can do.

"I love you too, Erik." I said shyly.

Breakfast moved on for a few more minutes until I asked, "Erik, what month is it?"

"You surely have been interested in dates lately, Christine. Any particular reason?"

I shrugged, "no."

Giving me one of those I-know-everything glances, he said, "for your information my dear, it is mid May."

"May? Are you serious?"

"Yes, my darling,"

There was a sudden pause. We both knew what "May" really meant. Biting my lip lightly, I returned to my food. Yes, it was May, I had one year left. One whole year before I could really give Erik a present he wanted. But that did not rid myself of the need I had to give him a present at the time.

That afternoon as I sat with him as we read in the library, I found it difficult to concentrate on my book. He took no notice, as he himself seemed to be reading the equivalent of two bibles himself. For some time he had stopped sitting in his own chair in the afternoons and instead came to sit on the ottoman with me. It would not take long for me curl up with him (even if he was reading an insanely large book). That particular afternoon, as well as a few that followed, was spent contemplating on what I could give him. Often times it led to me falling asleep on him. After doing so, I would usually wake up from hunger and look up at him.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep again. Really Erik, I know this can't be comfortable for you. You should wake me up next time."

"I truly do not know what you are talking about, Christine. I was only reading my book. You just happened to fall asleep."

When looking at the time, I knew that that could not be completely true. The hour had become late and I knew he must have been like that for most of the afternoon. Smiling softly and shaking my head I looked to him.

"You're too good to me Erik, really you are." I said kissing him under his jaw. Lately, I had been doing that a lot. It was not that I did not want to kiss him fully; it was more of, him wearing the mask. I knew better than to remove the mask.

"No Christine, you are too good to me."

"But really - "

"No, no more," he said putting a finger to my mouth, "it's settled. And that reminds me, I have something special for you tonight after dinner."

"Really? A surprise?"

"Yes, my dear, a surprise, now let us go to dinner. The sooner the better."

As sad as this information is, I don't remember what we ate that night. All I remember is that it was really, really good. But there was obvious reason as to why I don't remember. Besides, the food was not there long enough for me to remember it anyway.

"You ate so quickly tonight, my darling. Are you so excited?"

"You have a surprise for me!"

"Of course I do. What husband would I be to not have something for my wife on our one year anniversary?"

I could have chocked on my last bite. _Today_? _Today was our anniversary?_

"Why, my dear, you look pale all of a sudden. Is something the matter?"

Putting down the fork I began to stumble around my words, "well, I… I just, I just didn't expect it to be so-so soon!"

There was suddenly a different mood in the room. It wasn't out of sadness, but out of frustration. Fire was beginning to glow in Erik's eyes and my young self did not understand why.

"So soon? You say it as if it is a curse?" he said rising from his chair to walking to me, "won't you come with me to the sitting room?"

Taking his outstretched hand I said the quiet word, "yes".

The walk to the change of scenery seemed never-ending. That walk alone would prove how ignorant I was to the situation. I was too young to understand that he had thought that my reaction was due to me not having a gift for him instead of me not being happy about a year going by. With this unknown knowledge, the following scene played its self out.

"Christine," he said as he sat me down, "you don't seem at all pleased about the news of our anniversary."

"Oh, Erik, I just didn't realize it would come so soon. That's all."

Looking down to my hands as they fiddled with each other, I felt ashamed. I loved him, I did, but I had nothing to give.

"As I said, I have a surprise for you. A gift that is, but only if you are willing to accept it from poor Erik."

Turning my head up to his standing form above me I said almost hurt, "of course I will, Erik! I wish you wouldn't put yourself down like that!"

"Does it hurt you?"

He said this very quickly. Everything seemed to be happening rather quickly. I did not know exactly what to say. Humbling myself again to him I spoke softly.

"Yes, sometimes it does."

His eyes seemed to burn through my head; when he spoke I could feel that fire through his voice.

"Happy one year anniversary, Christine."

A square box was slowly placed into my vision. I took it hesitantly as the hand that brought it repealed its self. I did not want to open it too quickly: that might make me look stingy, but if I opened it too slowly, it would appear that I did not want it. Counting to the number ten I opened the box by that count. Inside I found the most gorgeous diamond necklace and earring set I had ever seen. The chain of the necklace was made of white diamonds and held together by gold while the jewel on the end of the chain was bigger than my curl thumb. This diamond was a beautiful yellow color cut into a teardrop shape. I had never even seen a diamond of this color and it fascinated me to no end. Beside the necklace were earrings. These earrings resembled the necklace in the sense that they hung from two white diamonds and the third jewel was a teardrop shaped yellow diamond.

I was not breathing. My mouth was gaped open and I was mentally drooling. Time had seemed to stop around me. The whole previous situation was gone and I was left staring at this new piece of jewelry. Such a moment was broken as something equally, if not more beautiful broke through my ears.

"A rare yellow diamond, Christine. I went through all kinds of trouble to retrieve it for you. I trust you like it?"

"Erik… Erik it's beautiful…"

More silence followed as I became hypnotized by the shiny objects in front of me.

"Would you like me to put it on you then?"

That idea had not even crossed my mind. Just staring at the jewels was just fine with me, but to wear them too! I could not even talk and so I dumbly nodded. Erik carefully took the box from me and I watched his every movement as he walked suavely around the ottoman. The back of the necklace was then lowering its self around my head and as it touched the skin of my neck it was surprisingly warm to me. I heard him click it the chain together and felt him let go. His hands were then felt on my shoulders as he tentatively moved them from my neck. The feeling made my neck hairs stand on end and my skin to heat.

"Put on the earrings as well, Christine." He whispered in my left ear.

Unknowingly my hands followed the directions from the voice, as if the voice were puppeteering them its self. While this was being done my eyes were closing slowly, shutting out all the light of the room. The hands on my shoulders began to move up into my hair as they massaged my scalp. Ever so slightly they proceeded to turn my head to my left where I faintly remembered his voice to be.

"Christine…" it said slowly into my face.

Opening my eyes I could only see two yellow eyes before me. The eyes were like the diamonds as they were the only things I could see. My mind was drowsy and the eyes blurred into my vision like fire to a field. As if some magnetic pull were present, my face was being drawn closer and closer to the burning fire. His lips on faintly brushed mine when I said, "Erik…"

"What darling?" he said into my ear.

"I have nothing to give to you for our anniversary…"

I could feel his lips moving slowly across my neck and I stretched it wider to give him more room to continue.

"Christine?" he said into my neck.

"Yes?" I moaned softly.

"Do you love me?"

He left my neck to look into my eyes as if to make sure I comprehended his words. My reality that was once blurred was now clear as I looked into those glowing eyes. Reaching out to his cheek I cupped it in my hand.

"Yes, Erik, I love you." I said kissing him softly on the lips.

"Then that is all I could ever ask for."

He returned the kiss.

"Happy anniversary, love." I whispered to him.

"Happy anniversary, Christine."

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**um so yeah not the most amazing chapter, but kinda sweet. and yes i totally incorporated the musical 'aspects of love' into the first paragraph. && like i said, YOUR REVIEW ideas give me ideas!!**


	21. Too Perfect

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be in love with Mr. Todd ;-)**

**a/n: ook ok so this is a short chapter and that it's not my best writen one but the content will blow you all away! i was just sooo excited about it i couldn't keep it from you all! oh and Broken Vow, if i miss use a comma again in this chapter i'm sorry!!!**

**plz read & review!

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Chapter Twenty-One – Too Perfect**

Christine Daae is dead.

Christine Daae lived a simple, normal, late Victorian life with a husband who loved and adored her. She took pleasure in the things that would make any simple, normal, late Victorian wife would be happy with. But even the happiest of creatures cannot always escape their curiosity.

Half a year had escaped from Christine and Erik since their anniversary. The two went about their every day schedule just as they always had before. An onlooker could see the two in their every day routine and know for a fact that the two were deeply in love with each other. Unfortunately, the fact is that there were no onlookers in their small two-person apartment. If there were to be an 'onlooker' it would have used to have been Erik. He was the one to call on the shots. If something – anything were to happen in that apartment, Erik would be behind it. Of course that was only up until I started to take the reins of my mental stability.

On a not so special day Christine was found at breakfast with her husband Erik. They chatted lightly about the origins of the wine that Erik was sipping.

"It came from the vineyard of the American state California. They are rather new to sport of growing grapes, but the wine is not bad either."

In hearing the word California, Christine's mind seemed to plunge into a deep, lost thought. _California? I have heard that word, that name before… Where have I heard that name before? _Her mind went deeper into its self. There was an old moving picture in the back of her mind. It was of two little red head girls running around a vineyard. But she was watching the girls on a screen somehow – she wasn't actually there. There was a black box around the screen too. Then the story of the girls was stopped and replaced by another moving picture and the words "California Adventure" flashed on the screen. Some moments later the girls were back and in the vineyard again… a vineyard in California.

"Christine, dearest, are you feeling alright?"

Just like so many times before, an angel's voice took her out of her old thoughts.

"Christine?"

"Yes?" Christine asked, quickly looking up.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Oh yes, Erik, I was only thinking."

"Of what, my dear?"

"California,"

Readjusting his position ever so slightly, he said, "really? Have you ever seen any pictures?"

"Yes!" then sitting back against her chair she sighed and said, "no, no I couldn't have."

As if stuck in a picture, Erik held his glass in his hand and stared at the woman across the table from him. His gold eyes quickly lost their loving glow and thinned.

"I believe you are not well, Christine. Perhaps you should rest during your lesson today."

"No, I feel fine. Honestly, I do, there's nothing wrong, I promise. Please, let us continue with our lesson."

He eyed her closely. He knew what she was thinking, or at least had a very vague idea. Erik should have known better than to even mention my home country. The reins that he had kept so tight were easing little by little the more Christine was being Christine and he let himself slip up.

During her daily lesson Christine could not keep control of her thoughts. Unlike usual, they kept breaking outside of the limited fenced space she gave them. The thoughts she had were suddenly reaching unauthorized territory and instead of being scared and turning to Erik for help, her curiosity kept her surprisingly calm. Unlike most all days, the music Christine sang was not absorbing her soul and producing its angelic sound. This irritated Erik to no end.

"Christine! Pay attention! This has happened too often for one day! One more slip and we're through!"

"Sorry, Er-"

But the music had already started. Christine decided to put her thoughts on hold until her own time in the afternoon. But by that time her newly old thoughts were driving her mad. _How could I have known what California looks like? I've never been. The pictures weren't even black and white but in color and they were moving and I was watching them! Sam was there too. He was in my lap and Luke was at the end of the bed. The bed was pink like the room around it. The moving picture box was in front of the bed so that I could watch it. Then Mother called me to dinner making Luke jump up and run to the door. Mom…_ A picture of my mother flashed before my eyes. Christine never knew her mother and even if she had she would have never called her 'mom'. _Mom, I got in a fight with you the last morning I saw you. I stomped off through the door to my car. The car was green, yes a dark kind of green… and then I was driving… I was driving my car…_

"Christine!"

Christine's head popped up to look to where the voice had come from. She had been lying on Erik just as she always did in the afternoons.

"Christine, if you're not going to read a book and you don't want to listen to me read, you may as well go to bed early!"

Christine had not fully been let out of her thoughts yet. She looked at the masked man behind her. What was behind the mask anyway? _I can't touch the mask. He will get mad at me like the last time I took it off… but what does his face look like? I've seen pictures of it… but they were never moving… _

"Erik, why do you still wear your mask? You know I love you for you. Your face could never come between that."

Christine knew the question was undoubtedly random, but she had to see for herself and this was the only way next to ripping it off again.

"You need rest Christine."

He began to get up and tried to walk her back to her room.

"No! Erik I love you." She stopped him and looked into his eyes, "I want to see you."

She slowly, intentionally, and noticeably reached up to his mask only to have her hand brought down and held in his iron grip.

"You will never see Erik!"

He began to walk her back to her room again.

"But I already have seen you!"

"You have never seen Erik!"

He was right, Rachel Carson had never seen Erik, but Christine had.

"But I already have seen you. Erik, why do you wear a mask?" I said this very, very softly to him as we stopped at Christine's door.

"You know why I wear a mask, Christine."

"But you said I have never seen you. How could I know if I've never seen you?"

Shoving me closer to the door he growled, "you need rest, Christine."

Stopping myself at the door I looked him in the eye and said "let me see your face Erik."

"No,"

"If you won't show me your face, show me my mom." I said in a low, dark tone, "I miss her."

"Your mother is dead."

"No I called her mom! She's my mom!" Seeing Sammy curled up on my bed I pointed at him and yelled, "and that's my Sammy! He has thirteen white furs on his belly and we thought he had died when Luke found him! Luke's my dog! I miss him too! Him and my sister and my friends! If you won't show me your face show me my mom!"

"SHUT UP!"

I was suddenly being held up against a cold doorframe and a hand was covering my mouth. The strong hand shoved my head to the frame and slowly lifted my entire body until I was on my toes. I was not scared. I was not crying. I merely looked at him – challenging him to try to make me forget again.

"Your name is Christine Daae. You never met you mother and you traveled around with her father as a child. You came to the Paris Opera House and that is how I found you and taught you to sing. You married me Christine Daae. _You are mine!_"

I tried to talk but his hand was too snug. Throwing me in my room he yelled, "you get in there and stay in there until you remember who you are under my roof!" With that, he slammed the door making even the furniture rattle. I didn't move from that spot for hours.

For days I began to replay my life. I started from photos I remember that hung in my house's hallway. From there I went to my first memory and so on and so on. Sitting Indian style on my bed with Sammy in my lap I would stare at the mirror and gaze on my reflection for hours. My name is Rachel Carson. Those five words reverberated around my head constantly.

Each day Erik would come in, see me on the bed and ask, "are you ready to come out today, Christine?"

Relocating my gaze from the mirror to him I was simply say, "no."

This would make him leave my food on the dresser and step out wordlessly. Some days I would eat, some days I would not. Some days I stayed up late enough to see him enter my room and take the dishes, others I would not. It was as simple as that. I had become a slave to my thoughts until one day I got an evil idea.

As I gazed at my reflection as I had so often before this day I realized something. Stepping from my island of a bed I ran to the little table and looked at the make-up that was supplied to me. A smile crossed my face as I walked into the bathroom. It had been days since I took a bath. I wanted to smell wonderful for my plan.

Once coming out I went to my closet and searched for something gorgeous, something eye popping, something… seductive. In the back of the closet I found the most perfect thing: a ballroom gown made of red satin. Running to it I brushed my fingers across its low neckline and down it's smooth material. It was too perfect.

After putting on a corset and strapping it up especially tight, I slipped on the dress. It was hard to believe that I had never seen it before. It seemed to advertise my chest perfectly – showing just enough to drive a man crazy without looking like a complete slut. The top was cut like a rectangle and slipped up to my shoulders, just barely, only to produce long sleeves. Traveling below the bodes the dress hugged my waist like nothing I had ever known then slightly flared out around my legs. It was all too perfect.

When the dress fit to me, I went to my make-up table and began to fix my hair, pulling it to the top of my head in little ringlets that were held up by silver little pins that shined brightly in on my head. Once my hair was stellar I began to apply the rouge. It was then that there were three light taps on the door.

"Come in, Erik," I spoke eloquently as I stood up to showcase myself.

The door was opened slower, for he knew that the tone I had used was different. In seeing me he froze at the door. His breathing seemed to become louder and I knew my plan was working. Showing him a smile, I approached the door.

"Christine, what are you doing?" he said somewhat breathlessly still holding the tray of food.

"Erik, I feel awful. I've been horrible to you. I've been sitting here for the longest time only thinking of you. You've been so good to me and all I do is ruin everything for us."

I kept taking slow, planned steps closer to him. If I went too fast I would ruin the effect. The plan would only work if everything went perfectly to course. I had now reached him, but the tray was still there. Reaching out with all the class I could muster I took the tray, but not before I ran my hands across his ever so slowly. I could feel him shiver with anticipation.

Setting the tray down on the near by table I quickly turned to him, watching his every move. Taking his quivering hands I kissed each of them softly making sure to exhale hot breath on him in the process. Looking up into his eyes again I was sure his mouth was gaped open.

"Will you forgive me, Erik? I still love you so."

He was trying to take his hands from mine.

"Please don't leave me, Erik! I long for your touch more than anything. The nights have been so cold without you!"

It was then that I flung my arms around his neck. One arm stretched around my back, but the other was absent as I saw his eyes dart – only for a second – downward as if to his side as he tried to find something.

I had that one second and that one second was all mine for the taking. My hands were already at the base of his neck; they were so perfectly placed near the string of his mask. As his eyes left mine for that one second my fingers scurried to his mask and lifted it from its holding.

It was then that for one split second I thought I saw Erik's face.

But there was nothing deformed about it.

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**screams remember folks, i hold all answers, but only to those who ask of them :O**


	22. But Children!

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have lost my voice last night... tehe...**

**a/n: wow what an exciting surge of reviews for chapter 21! i can only hope that this chapter has the same outcome!**

**plz read & review!

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Chapter Twenty-Two – But Children! 

Before I could comprehend anything significant about what I had seen, the lights were completely out. There was a silence that is impossible to describe and it is only at certain moments in life that I actually realize how often I mention those indescribable silences. I knew he was before me, but his eyes were no longer shining bright gold. In fact I could not see them at all. The world was standing still, there was no mistake about it, but it jolted to sudden start when I saw those two eyes appear out of air, just above my head.

All I could do was stare back. It was as if the fires of Hell its self were staring right back into my own eyes. It was then that I comprehended what I had gotten myself into. I was going to Hell and those eyes were going to be the forces that led me there. They couldn't take me! I wouldn't let them take me!

I panicked.

Gasping I tried to run away. Turning on my heal I wanted to fly, fly away. I wanted to go home, to get out, to die, anything to avoid the hell that awaited me! Somewhere in the back of my mind it was obvious that there was nowhere to go, but I tried anyway. The darkness around me had not beginning, no end, no nothing! It could go on forever! All I had to do was run and I could get away! My try resulted me taking two quick steps to the side, then having my foot caught the gown causing me to fall.

Behind me the glowing eyes had not gone anywhere. They were just where I left them. Levitating there they looked too harmless to actually be safe. Slowly, they moved smoothly across the air to face me once more. I could not move anymore. I was paralyzed where I fell. It was too evident that I had already said, and moved too much. Trembling, I waited for the fate was sure to come for me.

It could have lasted hours – days – years, it did not matter how long time lasted, it would have all been the same. Slowly, the eyes began to approach me. There was still nothing I could do, but wait for them to come and get me. Closer and closer they came, but I could not close my eyes. If I closed my eyes I would surely be taken forever. It was only until the golden spires were directly in front of me that he spoke.

Grabbing my upper arms with inhuman force I felt the heat of his breath as he growled in my face making me gasp.

"You wanted to see my face, did you?" he said in his throat.

The threat of Hell frightened me so immensely that I could not even think of answering the eyes.

"You wanted to find out for yourself if I was really Erik, did you? Look at my eyes Rachel, look at them. Oh yes, I called you Rachel, are you happy now, my little dove? My little girl who I've turned into an angel. See, now you can be happy, with me for always. Everything can be perfect, just the two of us. We can forget this whole little incident ever happened, my darling."

I could see the eyes begin looked downward slowly then return to my face once more.

"Look at you. My little girl is all dressed up for me. Any reason, my love?"

The grip I was sure could not get any tighter, fixed to my arm worse then before and even shook my entire body once.

"I asked you a question!" he bellowed.

"No!" I screamed instantly.

"No, darling? Well I think you had a reason for this little charade, _Rachel_. I think you wanted to have a little trade off. What's the trade off, you ask? Well my little darling, I believe you wanted to go back on our bargain. You remember? The one you begged for the first night of our marriage. You love me so much that you're willing to sacrifice a slight moment of physical pain for a lifetime of emotional happiness. You are more then I could ever ask for in a lifetime of waiting, my little Christine."

Shoving me to his chest and putting his hands to my bare neck he said, "my little Christine is so _good_ to me."

"Let me go!" I screamed again.

"No, no, you have basically stated your self what you want. Why else would you dress up like this?"

His hand moved down my back to the strings that strapped the dress to my body. I could feel his hands reach my waist where the dress was tied.

"No! Erik don't!" My mind raced for anything it could muster. "I saw the dress and I wanted to take a bath and look pretty! There's no reason behind it! None at all!"

"But you said you wanted to apologize to me. I was sure that that was the initial reason behind all of this. After all that is what you said to me. Did you mean what you said? You wouldn't _lie_ to me, would you, my love?"

"No!"

With one hand he took my chin and forced me to look into his eyes.

"You've been lucky to have me wait this long, Christine. Tonight you were just _asking _for it."

"_My name is Rachel Carson!_" I screamed again.

It was then that two large hands engulfed both sides of my face, squeezing as if they were ready to break my head.

"Shut up, _Christine_! You are Christine! You are mine now and are now Christine!"

"I'm not Christine! I never was!"

The hands that once were on each side of my face were no relocated with one hand clapped over my mouth and the other rested comfortably just above my neck. This forced me to refrain from screaming again.

"Shh, be quiet, Christine," he planted a hot kiss on my neck, "I wanted to make this something you can always remember."

I began to sob into his hand.

"Oh, now don't cry, my love," he kissed me again, "I want you to be happy."

"Then let me go…" I said once he let my mouth free in order to tangle his fingers in my hair.

"But don't you realize?" he said cupping my head in both his hands again, "just like in the book, once Christine sees Erik's face, he never allows her to leave – "

"Yes he does – "

"Not in my version! Now it's your own fault that you cannot leave!"

"But you never warned me!"

"You should have known!"

"How could I?"

"_You should have known!"_

"Why do you always say that? Why is it that I'm always just supposed to know? You knew that I never knew any of the things you expected me to! I'm not Christine! I'm not Christine!"

Cupping my head in his hands once more he forced me to look at him.

"You say that, but you must admit that you want to be."

"Not anymore I want to go home!"

"But don't you see, darling?" he pulled me close to him, "you are already here. There's no turning back. No turning back…"

He began to kiss my neck slowly and while he held me back to him the glowing eyes were no longer in front of me, but above me. There was suddenly a greater weight on top of my body and the fire in those orbs turned from Hell to love. I saw the transition in his eyes and as much as it scared me, I was not sure what to think.

"Erik…"

The eyes disappeared and he was kissing me full on the lips. It really had been so long since he was with me. I found myself missing the days were we were so content with each other. There was a time when I could freely rest on his shoulder and everything was fine. What had happened?

"Erik?" I asked pushing his chin away softly, yet safely. "Erik we need to talk. This isn't the right time for all this and you know it."

He sighed and looked down, then back up to me.

"Yes, we will talk, but when the lights come back on you must not touch my mask, not until it is the proper time."

"No, it's alright, leave them off. Let's just stay in the dark a little while longer."

"As you wish."

Some minutes later we were both sitting up against the bedpost. It was all very uncomfortable for me in that dress and it ended up with me going to change into my nightgown, but only after Erik instructed me to do so. I returned to him seconds later. The light from the bathroom shined on his black form. He was not looking at me and I was able to see by the absence of a crease in his hair that the mask was still distant. Turning off he gas lamp I saw his eyes reappear leading me to sit close to him where I once was.

For a short while we simply sat there together. Feeling that we were too far apart I timidly scooted myself closer to him. He hardly seemed to notice. I knew what I had to find out and there was only one-way to do it: direct conversation.

"Erik, who are you?" I asked breathily while taking a leap of faith and letting my head fall lightly on his shoulder.

"I'm who you always wanted to be. You always wanted to be Christine. You once said your self that you always wanted a happy ending to every story…"

"But I never believed in happy endings because they never happened to me."

"Christine," he to nudged my head so that I would look at him, "Rachel, I wanted you to be happy. You always looked so sad all the time. I wasn't going to take you so young, but the accident… I didn't want you to have to go through the recovery process and have to fall behind in school… and so I took you. I love you, Chis- Rachel. I always have."

"But who are you?"

I felt his hand brush my cheek.

"It doesn't matter. You know who I am."

"No, I know who Erik is."

"No, you know who I am. I haven't been acting at all. The house was an additional touch to create the allusion, but to be so honest, I really do like it. Anything I can do for you always makes me happy."

"But your eyes. How do they glow?"

He laughed softly, "Now that is one of my secrets, my dear. Don't expect me to tell you all of them!"

With that he flicked my nose lightly with the tip of his finger making me giggle.

"Fine then, what's your real name?" I asked taking his hand to hold it.

"Erik."

"Really!"

"I'm not lying."

"Fine, don't tell me."

"There's nothing to tell, my love. I tell only the truth."

My eyes squinted making him laugh a bit.

"Honestly Erik, where do you expect this to go?"

"It doesn't matter," he said softly, "we love each other. It's the only thing that matters now."

With that he leaned in slowly and took my lips only for a few seconds.

"Rachel, you deserve a happy ending. I don't want you go back into that world. It will only hurt you and you know this. I can't stand to see you hurt."

"But that's where I belong, Erik."

"Just a little while longer, Rachel. Just a little while longer?" he leaned in and kissed me again pleadingly and yet casually with confidence.

"Erik," I giggle again pulling away as he began to tickle me.

"Please?" he kissed me again, "please?"

"Erik, for how long?"

"Long enough for you to forget…" he then went for my neck and started up again.

"No, Erik, I can't forget now." I said pushing him back.

"All right, all right, but no more questions till then."

"But till when?"

"You'll know when."

I could tell he was smiling.

"You said you wanted to see you mother, well, you won't be the only one."

"Well, it's not like I'm about to hide my husband from her." I said lovingly brushing my hand across his jawbone.

"Oh no, not me," he took my chin in one of his hands and kissed me again.

"Wait, then who?"

"I don't know yet," he said taking my hands and pulling me to my feet unexpectedly.

"Erik, I'm confused."

I stated this just as I felt Erik wrap his warm arms around me, pulling me close to him once more. I looked up to him, my eyes wide, and I could see his eyes excel with affection as he looked at my face full of confusion.

"I always wanted a child, Christine."

"A child?!"

I took a step back from his encasement. Was he serious? He tightened his grip on my hands and pulled me to him again as he began to sway as if dancing.

"What happy ending doesn't have a family?"

I felt him kiss my head.

"Children?" I piped out.

"Did you always want children? I know you would never talk to me about such subjects because of our agreement, but you must admit that you always wanted your own children."

"Erik, I don't know…"

"You will learn to understand my reasoning. What loving couple doesn't want children of their own?"

"Erik could we at least talk about that first?"

"But children cannot be predicted of prevented, my darling. It should always be viewed as a blessing miracle no matter what the circumstance."

"But what about birth control?"

"I'm afraid I've never heard of such a thing, Christine."

"Erik! Remember yourself!"

"Oh I am." He danced me around to deaf music then dipped me into a kiss.

"Erik listen to me! I'm not sure if I'm ready – "

"Don't you think about that now, my dear. I'll always be here to help you in anything that should ever happen to our little family. Besides, you're tired are you not?"

"Not anymore!"

Laughing softly he pulled me to the bed with him making me lose my balance and fall on him.

Chuckling at my falter he said, "Come my sweet, rest will surely clear your mind."

I was quickly pulled into his embrace that I remembered so well and then placed under the sheets with him. In the back of my mind I would have never admitted I missed him at night, but children!

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**dear goodness i totally just went there. but there are still a bunch of unanswered question aren't they? in fact this chapter just made more question didn't it? you may ask why i did this? well i'll tell you something: if you want to know, you just may have to review! remember i have all the answers ;-P**


	23. We Are One Wed

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned the Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have updated all my stories at one time! HAPPY EASTER!!**

**a/n: ok ok so i'm slowly digging myself out of a hole here. i hope this helps. please tell me what you think and where i should go with all of this. i'm sorry if there are mistakes... i just kinda wanted to get the next chapter out cause i knew i haven't done that in ages!!**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Twenty-Three – We Are One Wed (Reprise)**

Now is the time where I need to sit back and think a little. How did I get from that point to the point I'm at now? So much happened, and yet it was not that important. From then on I was constantly asking question after question.

"Erik where are you really from?"

"Illinois."

"Who were your real parents?"

"Annette and Jim."

"Erik, what's my last name?"

"Monet."

"Does that mean you're related to – "

"No."

And of course there were those times that it was better not to keep going. I found that Erik did not like his family history. I could assume anything though. It was as if the entire world had been flipped and it was suddenly very exciting. So, I went on with more casual things that I was sure we could connect on.

"Erik where did you go to high school?"

"I never went."

"But that's against – "

"I'm above the law."

Another pause. It was true, Erik was indeed above the law. I was an example of that. What else could I ask about?

"Is the mask uncomfortable?"

Looking up from the table I ate at, I could almost hear his smirk.

"Not enough for me to take it off."

Perhaps asking him questions was not the brightest thing in the world to do, but I just wanted to know so much! What else could I ask about?

"Erik did you really just teach yourself everything about music?"

"Mostly."

"Erik do you really prefer the organ over a piano?"

"Some days."

"Why is that?"

"It's louder than my emotions."

Ouch. That was a little painful even for me. I can se now why he wanted me to believe in him so earnestly. He wanted to forget the old life he had just as much as I wanted to forget my own hurt. I could relate with him on that note, if nothing else. What person wouldn't want to escape all the pain in order to play an endless game of make-believe? It was childish, yes, but if played correctly, could make the world a little better in the end. That's why I was addicted to the stage. It was all a game to me. What more was this but a game to play?

"Erik, do you believe in reincarnation?"

"You really do have a lot of questions today, dear."

"And you know why. You didn't really expect for everything to change back to how they were after last night did you?"

"I wanted them to."

"Erik, come on," I pleaded, "I'm not that dumb."

"I never accused you of being dumb."

"Then give me an inch will you?"

"Fine then, to an extent, I believe in reincarnation."

"OK then, what if we were reincarnated? Wouldn't that be cool?"

His eyes narrowed in curiosity.

"Cool?"

"You can't tell me you forgot I was a teenager!"

"One day of realization and suddenly everything comes back to you?"

"Why shouldn't it?"

"More questions!"

I sighed.

"Erik, work with me here. What if all of this really was fate? What if all of this was meant to happen because of what happened a hundred years ago? What if Erik and Christine really were meant to be together?"

This made him laugh. I was trying to have a good realization in order to work with him and he laughs!

"Why are you laughing?" I asked growing angry.

"I don't believe in a thing you just said, but if it makes you more comfortable with your surroundings, I'm much obliged to accepting it!"

I was somewhat hurt by this, honestly. I was really trying to make all of this work and he was laughing at me!

"Fine then! Forget it!" I spat standing up to walk back to my room.

I heard him stop behind me, but that wasn't about to make me halt. I was confused enough as it was and he wasn't doing anything to help. Before I could reach my door, he had his arm outstretched in front of me.

"Move, Erik." I said threateningly.

"Come now, Christine,"

"Rachel." I corrected him knowing it would not make him happy.

"Fine then, _Rachel_. We can work this out. We always work things out, now, why don't we just play a little game for the next bit of time we have alone here. Think of it, just the two of us, just as it has always been, no one to interrupt the happy little world we've created for ourselves…"

In saying this he had crossed the bit of space between us and put his hand lightly in my hair. His touch was pleasant to me, but I did not want to admit that to him (and yet I have a feeling he could already tell). When my eyes had closed he said into my ear, "you know you like it."

I jerked away from him.

"Who said?"

"Why else would you be so keen on getting things back to the way they were?"

"Hmm, well I have this funny little feeling that I'm not getting out of here for at least nine more months and the only way I can stand it is if I try to make sense of things!"

"Yes, at least that long…" he said thoughtfully.

His attitude was annoying me. Since he was still leaning up against the door, I took a chance and opened it making catching him off guard. Now, I did not open it to try to sprint in, but to make him fall. And fall he did! It was fantastic really. I would have laughing rights on him for the rest of the week. I had never seen him even lose his balance and after my slick move, he fell straight to the floor.

I did not laugh at first. Instead, I walked to stand right above his head.

"Now then," I said smoothly, "look who feels dumb."

It was at the moment my feet were taken from me as his arm knocked me off my balance. It really did amaze me how strong he was sometimes. I landed right on my bottom and before I could even breathe he was atop me. The lights were dimming, but I was not paying attention. Instead I was fighting him off, but for once it was playful wrestling. He had pinned me down to the floor and was now tickling me all over until I was laughing so hard it felt that I was screaming. It was then that he was kissing me and I was silenced. His hands curled around my head and my arms kept his neck close as well. I was smiling and it was easy to feel him smiling as well as he kissed me.

Needing a quick breather, he pulled away to look down at me. I was still smiling as I ran my fingers through gelled hair.

"Tell me Erik,"

"Yes love?"

"How do you turn the lights out so quickly?"

I did not see his glowing eyes move, but I did hear a soft voice in my ear say, "there are still some things Erik will never admit. It is all magic to him."

Smirking I said, "you are a mystery."

"And you love me?"

"More than anything."

"That's what I thought."

With that he was kissing me again.

A good month passed by. There was hardly any real fighting, my music lessons continued, and I was finally learning something about the man I loved. He insisted that Christine was a pet name whenever he used it. I don't blame him really. He had always called me Christine. One can't just change such an important detail so easily. Quite honestly the name really had grown on me. I had never even known a Christine even if I had known several Rachel's. It was all apart of playing the game we played that I went by Christine. Now that I finally knew the truth for myself, the name didn't seem nearly as bad as it once had.

Erik had seemed to change a little too, nothing drastic, but change no less. He was not as temperamental any more. He would have never admitted it, but I couldn't help but notice. It was nice, but different no less. Sometimes I would just urge and urge him in order to get some kind of reaction that was something I was used to. Perhaps it was a better arrangement for him as well for me to know the truth and deny it just as he had? Either way, things were changing for us. We were now two different people learning each other for a second time, but it was nice for once. This time we could be honest and open… or at least I could be, but that's all I really needed to begin with.

There was a night that I had sat considering all these things. The fire was crackling and Erik's arms were around me as I rested on his chest. I loved this picture of us more than anything. It has never been recorded through a physical piece of paper, but it will be instilled in my mental image forever.

"Erik?" I asked drowsily.

"Yes, my love?"

"I love you."

I felt him kiss my head after saying this. It was then I knew I was ready to take the biggest drive of my life.

"Erik, I am ready to love you, I mean."

I felt him shift behind me. He wanted to look me in eyes.

"What are you saying, Rachel?"

He used my name for a reason, and I brushed that reason aside. Love has no reason; it is simply what it was made to be.

"I know I'm not yet eighteen… and that our anniversary is a few more months away, but we don't have to wait anymore on me being ready. I'll be waiting on you now. I'm in your hands."

"You are sure this is what you want?" he said cautiously.

Taking a breath, I looked him straight in the eye, "yes, I am sure."

The lights had begun to fade until all I could see were his bright eyes in front of me. I was being led to stand up. He let only his hands hold my own as he led me farther and farther away from the couch. Before too long he stopped and I felt him kiss the back of both my hands.

"And this is what you want?" He asked not letting go of my hands.

Unlacing my fingers with his, I took his head in my hands and led him lips to mine gently.

"I love you, Erik. I want this so long as you want it as well. You are my husband and I do not want to deny you any longer of what you deserve."

"But I do not deserve any of your love…"

"But you do Erik! I'm glad you did what you did. Despite everything that's happened, I still love you more than life and now I can't even imagine life without you in it. Erik…"

Once again I led his lips to mine and this time I felt his arms slowly encase my body.

"Christine… Rachel, I love you, I have since the first day I ever saw you. I want you to know…"

"I already know, dearest."

There was a pause and I was unsure what he was going to do next. I then felt him lowering me to my knees onto the floor with him.

"Do you, Rachel Carson, take Erik Monet to be her law full wedded husband, to have and hold, through sickness and health, till death do you part?"

I knew what he was doing. He was renewing his vows with me – both me's. It was sweet really. This way, whomever I was, God could not hold anything against me for sleeping with my husband.

"I do, with all my heart I do." I smiled.

"And I, Erik Monet, take Rachel Carson Christine Daae to my law full wedded wife, to have and hold, through sickness and health, till death do we part and God willing, we never will."

I laughed at how he titled me. He was smiling as well as he put his forehead to mine.

"Then by the power of God's witness, we are once again and always one wed."

Smiling widely with him we finally met each other with the same love and passion we always had for each other, even when we didn't know it.

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**hmmm what could this mean...?**


	24. Blunders

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have made a secret deal with gravity01 about getting this chapter out sooner ;-P**

**a/n: WHAT HAPPENED TO SO MANY OF MY READERS ARE YOU STILL OUT THERE OR WHAT?? seriously guys, if my story sucks that bad, tell me so i can give you a cheap abridged version and take this story outta here! keep in mind my addiction to reviews!**

**a/n part 2: soooo everyone should check out my new story "Brown Hair and Green Eyes". if you like my style writing, haunting pasts, eternal love, mysteries, family acceptance, gossipy small towns, beautiful scenery, or coming of age stories, i HIGHLY recommend you read this... and review it as well :-D**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Twenty-Four – Blunders**

I woke in the dark. Something rough was running across my cheek. It was rough but when it touched me it became soft with tenderness to what it came in contact with. I smiled at my Erik. He was the only one to ever have that touch. It was different from any I had ever known. There was protection in that touch that made me feel safe, but it was so gentle with me that I fell in love with it easily.

My eyes looked slightly above my head to see Erik's golden eyes shining down at me. He was smiling at me. I suddenly loved it when he smiled at me because I could share the same feeling he felt. There's something that happens after the actual fulfillment of a marriage that brings two people to the same page and I could finally understand that. This wasn't about to make anything easier, but it was that dive of trust that brought us to a point where we could overcome the obstacles that came.

"I would say good morning if I ever knew what time it was down here." I sighed sleepily.

Another light brush to my face and no answer signified that he was not listening but instead lost in love.

"Hello?" I said somewhat annoyed.

I heard a soft laugh as he said, "hello" back to me in a deep seductive voice. I felt his presence closer to me as he laid a soft kiss on my forehead. Sighing, I couldn't help but smile again.

"You love me." He said more to himself than to me.

"Yes, yes I do." I said in agreement more to myself than to convince him.

Laughing softly he leaned in and took my lips. Almost instantly his arms were around my back pulling me to him. It was different now that I could feel his arms on my bare back as opposed to his arms on the cotton material that had separated us for so long. The sensation of change still excited me ever after our night together. I could feel his arms slowly slide their way down my back and rest on my hips as he brought me closer to him. His light contact suddenly made me laugh. By now he was on atop me.

Looking up at him I began to run my fingers through his hair. I loved doing that. He had baby soft hair that played as a temptation to reach out and touch. When he pulled away I was still giggling.

"My Rachel laughs when I touch her. She is happy, yes?"

Bringing his head down to mine briefly I kissed him.

"You know I'm happy with you Erik."

"She is happy with Erik…" he said resting his head in my neck to kiss it.

This was another sensation that was easy for me to fall in love with, but this time he did it, I could feel his fingers at work on my belly as his tickled me further. I gave in easily and broke out in laughter. He had pinned me down now and while he still had his head barried in my neck he still tickled until I found myself pushing him off me only to land on top of him somehow. He had pulled me into that position. I knew that much. Erik wasn't the type of person to ever let me take the lead in these things. Now I could smile down at him. Running my fingers through his hair to push it away from his forehead, I kissed it.

"I love you." I said simply as I rested my head on his chest right in the crook of his neck.

"My Christine," he said kissing my head, "my Christine."

I couldn't help but smile as I drifted off again.

Waking up wasn't exactly fun come the next morning. The lights were on, it seemed a bit drafty in the room and Erik was long gone… and so were all the sheets. It's somewhat funny how in the darkness, though I knew Erik could seem me, I couldn't see anything. I know that is one of those obvious things, but if I couldn't see myself nude, it almost made me feel better. Now that it was bright, I actually felt nude. Thankfully, there was one sheet left on the bed. That fact that it was transparent is beside the matter… at least that's how Erik would put it later. Feeling somewhat cold I curled up in the so-called blanket. It was then that Erik walked in. Strange, he did not knock.

"Good morning darling," he said walking briskly up to the bed to hug me as if he had missed me already.

This ruffled my tight sheet making me uncomfortable.

"Why Christine, why don't you return my affection?" he asked innocently with his hands still on my arms.

"Where are the sheets, Erik?" I asked somewhat reproachingly.

"Why, I had to wash them of course."

He did have a point.

"But couldn't you have waited till I was up?"

"The sheets were dirty. I couldn't have my wife sleeping in something dirty!"

"But could you have left me a little more than this sheet? I woke up cold."

Laughing softly he said, "then you should have call me. I would hate for you to ever feel the slightest bit cold."

While saying this he slithered his hands around my back. My arms were tucked within my sheet so I simply leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"Why do you not respond to me, my love?"

"I… well…"

How incredibly dumb I would sound if I were say, "well I'm naked that's why." It's not that I didn't want him to see, I just wasn't fully comfortable… besides he had done enough "seeing" with his hands the last night for the both of us.

"Erik, why didn't you knock before you entered?" I asked directly avoiding his question.

"Why should I have to anymore?"

He made a good point. Why should he have to anymore? I was a real wife now. I should not have anything to hide.

"Well… I… it just took me by surprise I mean… you always did before and I just thought…"

"But you have nothing to hide from me anymore now that we love each other."

"Not true." I stated, "I loved you before last night and you still knocked."

I really had picked a losing match this day.

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

He rested his forehead on mine as he said this. Staring back at the mask was like staring back at the darkness.

"Well, it just surprised me. That's all."

"Just surprised you, eh?"

"Yes, that's all."

I knew he was smirking behind that dark mask of his.

"Very well then. You had better get dressed for the day then. We still have things to do."

He stood up from the bed, but did not make any attempt to leave the room. Oh he sure could get on my bad side if he wanted to! He knew what I was thinking the whole time! I was also sure he knew that I could not stand up in that sheet unless I took it off first. It wasn't my fault it was tucked around me the way it was! It was his doing I was in my cocoon!

I looked around the room for a moment wishing he would just leave. He wasn't about to do so.

"Well, aren't you going to obey your husband and dress?"

He had to pull the husband card out!

"Well, yes, I just, um, well it's just, just… so cold. Yes, well it's cold and I'd have to walk all the way over to my closet to get my clothes and…"

That plan failed as well as I saw him walk over to my closet to pick out a dress. He even went so far as to get all my undergarments as well. Looking at one of the corsets he sighed.

"I never did understand how you got this on alone. Perhaps I shall help you dress as well."

He really wasn't about to leave me!

"Um, well actually, I've got it now. I can do it." I looked up at him trying to drop the obvious hint, "Alone." He still wasn't getting it, "By myself." Nope, "Without you."

He took a second to mockingly think.

"No, actually I think I'll help you now."

Erik sure was impossible when he wanted to be!

"Um, well shouldn't you get back to breakfast, though?"

"No, everything is already made. It's only getting cold now. You had best hurry."

Now I was grabbing at any thought I could think of.

"Well, I'm not really hungry now."

"That's no reason you should not get dressed, my dear."

"And I'm tried. Last night just wore me out and I'd rather just go back to bed… with my other sheets… that way I can sleep."

"No, that is not a good excuse. If sleeping with you makes you too tired for a music lesson, we'll just have to sacrifice something else so you may rest. Dinner would be fine to me."

Oh how I disliked him at that moment!

"Uh, well, no, well, that won't be necessary actually – "

"Then you'll get up now?"

"Um…"

"You know there's no reason you should be timid about undressing around me now that we're married."

"Oh well that's not – "

"Then get dressed!"

Now he was serious. I was making him wait too long. He came in here with a plan it was taking too long to fall through. Didn't I have a say in any of this?

"Can't you turn around?" I pleaded.

"Christine, Christine," he sat down beside me and took me into his arms again, "there is no reason to fear me my darling. You already know this."

"I just… I'm…"

All I could do was sigh.

"There, there, my precious child. I will keep you warm. There is no reason to fear me, my love."

He was suddenly nice, too nice. It made my eyes squint and my eyebrow rise. He said other sweet things in my ear, but that wasn't the only thing he was doing. I could feel his hands reach down my back, but it was my bare back he felt. Knowing I couldn't move backward from him for he was already loosening the sheet I got closer to preserve my chest from showing. His hands did not cease in their journey down my back as the sheet became looser on my body until my whole upper body could feel an open draft.

My arms reached up around his neck.

"There, there, little one, see that if you just stay close to me you will be warm."

"Erik, you know how uncomfortable I am right now!"

This made him laugh as he pulled me to the floor with him. Now the sheet was nowhere on my body at all, but on the floor around my feet.

"You have no reason to feel uncomfortable my dear." He said into my neck, "ah my beautiful wife…"

"Is cold thanks to you!"

Laughing again, he stretched his straight jacket so that it was now around both of us. This jacket was not meant for two people making me hug tight to his body.

"Better?"

"No!"

"I guess you'll just have to dress then. I'll sit and wait for you over here."

He began to pull away to a chair and I held tight to his neck.

"No!"

"Christine, think logically now. You lost your sheet and now there I no way I can get out of here without seeing you."

"You took my sheet!"

"Either way, I am right, am I not?"

"Close your eyes then!"

"How childish you are! Face your fears you child of angels!"

Sighing I looked up at him.

"You're really not going to make this easy are you?" I asked.

"Have I ever?"

"No…"

"Then why would I now?"

"I'm your wife and you respect my privacy?"

It was worth a shot.

"You are my wife and while I respect your privacy, I now have rights of my own. I own you now."

"Didn't you always?"

"Not completely."

"Fine then, help me dress!"

"I knew you would come to see things my way."

"Oh don't be so full of your self."

"Do I have reason not to be?"

He really had to make everything difficult! I had an idea, though.

"Well, I'm too cold to walk over to my clothes without you. Walk with me?"

"Of course," he said _very_ amused.

It must have looked really funny the way we shuffled to get to our destination, but that's beside the point. Once to the end of the bed where my clothes were I looked up at him.

"I can't reach out myself. Get my dress slip for me?"

"Of course," he said picking up my first layer.

"Now slide it over my arms and it buttons up the back so I'll have to turn around. Don't move and keep your eyes on my head alright?"

I moved under his set vision on me. For a brief moment I felt the material on my outstretched fingers only to fall away completely.

"Oh I must have dropped it back accident, my love."

"I'll – "

But I was too late to offer for he was now bending to the floor to retrieve the fabric. Once getting it he added, "oh and how terrible for me to forget my promise!" It was then that his eyes took a terribly long time to run up my body to finally reach my eyes.

"Erik!"

"What? It was what you asked. Pray forgive me for my blunder!"

"Give that to me!" I said bending down to my first layer to snatch it from him. Turning it around I quickly slipped it on. I let a sigh of relief escape my lips.

"Why Christine," I turned to face him, "it is inside out."

Funny how it was not inside out the day before.

"You know what? That's OK. I'll just make do."

"As you wish, but wait my dear. I made another terrible blunder."

"What now?"

"I gave you a black under dress, for a white dress. This certainly won't do."

"You're impossible!"

With that, I was stomping off to the bathroom in search of another dress.

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**sooooo reviews? yes? maybe? possibly?**


	25. Pregnant?

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have cut 13 inches off my head :-P**

**a/n: well i will say now that i'm nearing the end of my first fanfic tear now i still believe that there will be a good, erm at least five chapters left of this, i still have to cry a little bit. but not yet! plz stick with me for the last of dreams of reality!!**

**a/n 2: i think there was a misunderstanding with me asking for reviews. yes, reviews help my status, ok we've established that, but i would also like to say in defence that i need reviews to grow! i wanted to hear your comments, concerns, critics, likes, dislikes, EVERYTHING! it helps me give you guys better chapters and helps me grow as an author! i'm not asking not to be judged, i'm just saying i'm in this to learn and while i'm not the best continuing poster, i do care about my readers and their thoughts!**

**plz read & review!**

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Chapter Twenty-Five – Pregnant?

I am pregnant.

It had been a week since I was supposed to have my period. I woke up one not so special morning on my belly. Feeling the need to stretch I began to flip over only to notice a presence on my back. Sammy had curled up right on my bare back! Being me, I didn't want to disturb him so instead I thought of the night before.

"_Erik?" I asked while sitting with him during our afternoon time in the library._

"_Yes, my love?"_

"_How long have we been really married now?"_

"_Two weeks today my love."_

_Pondering the amount of time I sat and thought to myself one last time before I vocalized my inner thoughts._

"_Erik?"_

"_Yes, my dearest?"_

"_We've been sleeping together every night."_

_Shuffling slightly he said, "is there a problem with that?"_

"_Oh no, I just, well two weeks and no, um protection."_

_This time he faced me._

"_Protection from your husband? How absurd!"_

"_No, well, I mean, well birth control."_

_This made him relax somewhat._

"_Yes, I am aware. Besides birth control is not safe."_

"_It is in my time, Erik." I sighed leaning back on him again._

_He still was in denial of the actual present when things were going so well with us._

"_Why don't you want children, Christine?" he asked almost hurt._

"_It's not that it's just, well I'm not sure if I'm ready. It's a huge responsibility and I'm so young."_

_Looking me in the eyes he said, "you were never 'young'. In all the time I ever knew you, you were never young. You've always been five years ahead of your peers in maturity years. You will make a great mother, Christine."_

"_I just, I'm scared Erik. I don't know anything about babies. I always make them cry!"_

"_Then you will sing them to sleep, just like I do with you."_

_He playfully kissed my forehead through the mask as he said this as I squinted my face at him. I didn't tell him, but I was due for a menstrual cycle in less than a week and some how I felt it wasn't going to come… especially when we skipped dinner for something else._

I loved Erik so much and he had given me everything I could have ever wanted. It was natural for me to want to make him happy, but now he wanted children. The thought of me raising a child scared me. I didn't know what to do or how to go about it, but how could I refuse my husband? No, he had not been angry or forceful when he took me to bed. It was me who always complied to his wishes as if we were thinking the same thing constantly. So perhaps it was my fault that I wanted to cry on the bed at the very moment as Sammy slept peacefully on my bare back.

That day was a blur to me. I couldn't think of anything but the idea of a baby. I wondered what it would look like. In a way I wanted it to have no traits of mine so that I may finally get a glimpse of the man I slept with. Terrible, I know. I wondered if it would be a girl or a boy and what the name would be, or when it would be born. What if it was born too early? Then it could die. What if it was born too late? Then I could die. What if I was the one to kill it by accident? Then we both would die. No, I could never kill it, well at least not intentionally. Though I did not love it, for I was too scared of it at the time, I could never kill it. It was still my baby and I was already feeling a responsibility for it.

Time after time I caught myself staring down at my belly as if I were going to suddenly see something knew; a sign, or a feeling, or something to tell me that this all was actually happening, but nothing ever came. I could only see the elaborate dress that covered my corset that covered my under garment which covered my belly which may indeed cover… I couldn't think about it. It was all too much. Everything that happened in this little house was something big and now this!

Where did I go from there?

No, my worst question still remained. How would I tell Erik?

It was night and I was lying in bed on my side as Erik came from the bathroom to lie down. In a deep part of my mind I was praying he would think I was asleep. It had been a long dreary day and I hoped that he would just assume that I needed my space to sleep. Erik knew me too well.

His arms slid around my waist and I heard him speak in my ear.

"Come my darling, come to me. You cannot be asleep so soon, my love."

"Not tonight, Erik. I'm too tired."

I probably said that a little coldly, but he took it lightly as he gently rolled me over against my will to face him.

"Too tired, little one? You have been dreary all day. I did not push you as much as I have been in your lessons and I allowed you to sleep this afternoon. What is wrong, my love?"

"It's nothing. Leave me alone." I said turning back over.

"Very well then." He said sadly replacing his hold on me.

I couldn't stand it. I was upset and angry at the world for everything that had happened. _I didn't want him touching me._

I shrugged him off coldly making him growl.

"If you are going to deny my marriage rights, you ought to at least allow me to hold you."

"Erik we've slept together every night since we've been married. I'm tired and want to go to sleep!"

In saying this I shrugged him off completely. It was true, I was tired of life its self and since Erik was part of my life, I was tired of him as well. Unfortunately, I had been spoiled with the lack of Erik's temper for the past few weeks.

"You're tired, _my dear_?" he asked out of his throat, "well I am not, Christine."

Turning to face his golden eyes I snapped, "and what do you mean by that?"

"What is it the Bible says about the man ruling over the woman in Genesis?" he asked sitting up on his elbow to look down on me.

"Don't you dare try to used God against me!" I said sitting up completely.

"Very well then," he grabbed me and shoved me back down to the pillows, "I'll use physical force against you."

"Erik we may be married, but if I'm not willing to go through with this it's rape!"

"You think that's going to stop me?" he rasped in my ear.

"Erik, you wouldn't!"

"I would and you know I would whether you're willing or not!" he boomed as he stratled himself on top of me.

"Erik I don't want to!" I said beginning to push him off me to no avail.

Putting more weight on me as he lowered himself closer to my ear, I could see him smiling through his eyes.

"I could always fix that." I could feel him nibble on my ear as he spoke. "It's not so hard to seduce a woman who's already in love, you know."

In saying this I felt him thrust into me making me dizzy. Even with our clothes on I could feel the sensation only he could shoot through my body making me unconsciously moan. He began to kiss my neck as I couldn't help but give him more space to kiss by looking above me. I could feel him smile into my neck as his hands began to work my nightgown up my legs leaving goose bumps in their path. His hands always made that smooth gesture I couldn't help but love.

But there was something more important that was still plaguing my mind as he began to proceed in "seducing" me. I was going to have a baby. _I was going to have a baby_. What was I going to do with a baby? How was I going to take care of it? Erik… Erik what was Erik going to do with a baby? He said he wanted one but what was he going to do with it? A baby…

"Rachel?"

He pulled me from my thoughts and made my look up at him.

"Rachel, what's wrong? You're not responding at all."

"Erik, Erik I- well, I…"

"What's wrong? You're not just tired. There is something wrong. Won't you tell me what it is so we can finally get back to what I know we both love to do." he said this evily to my ears.

"Erik I told you I was tired and you obviously don't care enough about me to respect that!"

Getting up to sit beside me he sighed.

"Christine, what's wrong with you?"

"A lot. A lot is wrong with me."

"Then talk to me about it." He said as he picked me up to set my on his lap.

"You won't listen."

I crossed my arms.

"I'm listening now, aren't I?"

This made me sigh.

"You're just listening so you can get on with your 'business'." I said cocking an eyebrow. "How typical of a man!"

He extended his arms a bit to look at me more fully.

"Rachel Carson Monet when did you begin to talk like this? I waited for you for over a year because I loved you and I don't appreciate the way you're accusing me of not wanting you for you instead of what marriage offers. Now tell me what is wrong."

I looked down. Maybe he really was worried and I was using sex as an excuse. The idea of a baby really was beating me up!

"Erik I don't know how to say it."

"Then say it in another language just tell me!"

I felt as if he were going to shake it out of me somehow (he never was a patient man) and so the words just exploded from my lips.

"Erik I'm pregnant!"

For a moment or two, nothing was said or done. He then pulled me closer to look into my eyes. His gaze was so hard that I kept looking away and back awkwardly until he repeated back to me "You're pregnant?"

"Yes," I said feeling as if I was going to sob all of a sudden.

"You're sure to this?"

"Well, no, but I have all the right signs I know of… I think."

"When were you due for a menstrual cycle?"

"Two weeks ago."

"How have you been feeling lately?"

"Dazed? Goodness Erik I don't know what I'm supposed to feel like! I didn't even want this and you know it." I sobbed.

Taking my face in his hands he kissed me tenderly on the forehead.

"Christine, Christine, don't be like this. We need to be happy now. Christine," he looked into my eyes, "we're going to have a baby. This should be exciting."

"But Erik I'm scared."

"You've always been scared," he said planting a kiss on my lips, "but I've always been there for you and you know that, right?"

"Right," I sighed.

"My darling," he said encasing me in his arms and resting his head atop mine, "we're going to have a baby."

"Erik I don't know anything about babies."

"Neither do I!" He said suddenly excited about a new puzzle to solve, "it'll be a learning experience for both of us!"

"Erik I'm going to get fat." I said pessimistically.

"Yes, my dear, you are going to get fat." Came his dry answer.

"I never wanted to be fat."

"What does it matter since you will be the more gorgeous fat woman on earth?"

He always knew how to make me smile somehow making me relax.

"You know something? Sometimes I really do love you."

"Just sometimes my dear?" he asked lowering me down to the bed again.

"Well maybe most of the times."

"Only most of the times?" he asked again as he began to kiss my neck slowly as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Well," I stopped as he began to proceed with what he had been doing before out chat. Pushing into me some more I let out a moan before I said, "I guess all the time."

"That's what I thought."

As if on cue I woke up early the next morning to hurl. I just found out at pregnancy and I was already not liking it at all. After my first heave Erik was soon found in the bathroom holding back my hair. Leaning on the toilet bowl I looked up to him.

"I'm not sure how much I like this, Erik." I said dizzily.

"It will not last forever, my dear." He said sweetly.

"Nine months seems a long way away right now."

"It would, but it's not forever. Besides, just wait until our baby is born! Won't that be exciting, Christine?"

I would have answered, that is of course, if I didn't have to vomit again.

With in a week we were sure of my pregnancy. My cycle had yet to come and throwing up had become a morning occurrence for me. I learned to simple just accept it, I was going to have a baby.

Little did I know that in nine months I would find myself near death in a well lit modern day hospital room with my husband unmasked standing beside me.

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**was it me, or was that like a major league forshadow there?**


	26. First Trimester

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't be watching the Weather Channel for the fun of it ;-P**

**a/n: alllllrightie well the trimester chapters may be short and choppy, but they will proove their importance with time. from here i'm going to say that there will be about four chapters left. wow to think i'll end it at a well rounded 30 chapters at the end of the novel! what a thought! please stick with me and give me feedback!**

**plz read & review!

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**Chapter Twenty-Six – _First Trimester_**

Within three days I had found myself walking into the library only to find Erik hauling at least ten books in his arms. In seeing me he placed them on a near by table with a loud thud. Without him having to tell me, I already knew.

"Erik you can't be serious." I said crossing my arms.

"I'm as serious as ever."

"Wouldn't one book be enough? Two at most?"

"No, I want many facts and opinions to the point where I can build my own. And it would be wise if you started reading some of these books as well."

Smirking I walked over and picked up the book lying on top of the other ten or so. Erik wasn't looked at me; instead he had already sat down to start reading. Opening the cover I looked at the print only to find some sort of Russian staring back at me. This was going to be impossible.

"And how do you expect me to read this, dear husband?" I asked sarcastically.

He looked up at me holding the book and gasped. Out of nowhere he grabbed the book from my hands.

"Christine! That book is far too large for you to be hauling around. I will not have our baby straining so."

Looking at the book I rolled my eyes. It was no bigger than a book I would carry too school, no more than five or six pounds.

"Erik, I just found out. I'm still just me! It's not like the baby is holding the book, I am!"

"Yes, and I am determined to keep just you as you are. I will not have you harmed."

"Erik, nothing is going to 'harm' me. I'm just pregnant."

"Exactly! Now sit down. I will not have you wearing yourself out!"

Knowing that I was to lose this fight, I sat down and tried to find a book in my own language, but I never opened the book I picked. Did I really just make the remark "I'm just pregnant" in such a casual way? Was I really that naïve? Maybe Erik was right. Maybe I was straining myself, but I didn't feel any different. Perhaps I wasn't pregnant after all. What if I was just sick or something?

Looking over at Erik I saw him looking very intent on his book. The words looked German. Using what German knowledge I had, I leaned ever so slightly to look at his book to see the words "…_during pregnancy a women's breast maybe become tender and enlarged…"_ That was another hitting point. Erik was reading a bit too closely into my private body. Wow, that made me laugh silently to myself – to think that my body was private anymore. Hah! Perhaps it didn't matter, but it was still enough to make me blush. Looking down to my chest I didn't notice a difference. Looking to Erik out of the corner in my eye to make sure he was still absorbed, I casually brushed my breasts with my hand. I didn't notice a change in that either. Maybe I didn't make a heavy enough impact. I didn't know. I did come to one conclusion: that was enough reading for one day.

Some weeks later after Erik had finished all his books, I woke up late one night and shook Erik's arm. He grunted as he too woke up. His golden eyes soon found me looking down at him.

"Erik?" I whispered.

"What my dear?" He groggily asked.

"Erik wake up." I said shaking his arm again.

"I'm up Christine, what do you want?"

"Erik I want a chocolate covered strawberry."

"Christine it's too late."

"Erik I'm hungry." I said feeling a strong irritation grow within me.

Looking up into my eyes he yawned. Turning around he sat up on the side of the bed.

"Chocolate covered strawberries?" He asked with another yawn.

"No, chocolate covered strawberry. I only want one. Oh and I want some cinnamon toast too!"

He was now near the door.

"Anything else, love?"

I thought for a second.

"Milk, I would like some milk."

"Very well, my love."

"Thank you Erik."

The next morning I woke up to Erik resting beside me fully clothed. The food I had asked for rested on my nightstand untouched. I had fallen asleep before he had time to get back. Smiling at my husband I kissed his head just above his masked face. I really was hoping our baby would look like him.

More weeks passed and during a music lesson I remember having the need to sit down not long after singing a few scales. It was as if all the air left my body leaving only my bones to keep me up. Stopping the song I put my hand to my head.

"Erik, I think I need to sit down." I said airily.

"Are you dizzy?"

"Yes, I just, need to sit for a second." I swayed a bit only to be caught and steadied by the shoulders thanks to Erik. Walking me to the piano bench he sat me down.

"Is that any better, Christine?"

"Yes, yes, I'll be fine, I just needed to sit."

Beginning to massage my shoulders he spoke in my ear, "I can't have my girl losing her footing."

I sighed and let his hands ease the tension in my upper body.

"What would I do without you?" I asked looking into his eyes.

"I'll tell you want you would do."

"What?"

"Not be having a baby."

I smiled as he helped me to my feet again. Putting my arms around his neck I let him hold me close.

"Well, I suppose you are right, but I also wouldn't be getting dizzy either."

"A baby is not the only way I can make you feel dizzy, my dear." He whispered in my ear as he began to sway a little bit to imaginary music.

I smiled through a smirk and played along with his dance.

"It isn't, eh? I don't think I believe you." I said sticking up my nose skeptically.

"You don't do you?"

"No, I don't."

"I would hate to be proven wrong." He smiled through his eyes for he knew what I was thinking.

"Wouldn't that be awful? You're such the perfectionist." I teased.

Clicking his tongue he said, "I just may have to prove my point. It seems you give me no choice."

With that the lights flashed off and our bodies clashed together. One thing I do remember during that first trimester: Erik and I engaged in some of our most passionate sex. I don't think even an inch of our home was "virgin" territory for us when that trimester was over…

Something I did notice that concerned me was the health problems pregnancy came with. While throwing up became a daily occurrence for me, I never expected it lasting for up to thirty minutes every morning. Nor did I expect to get such tight cramps in my legs. When it got to the point where I could not walk without emitting a cry of agony, Erik told me to sleep until he found an answer. He refused to leave my side until he found the remedy. It was then for a week straight that drank at least eight glasses of milk a day, but of course that led to another problem. The remedy to this I will say that it was necessary to up my fiber intake; I'd prefer not to get into the specifics if I do not need to.

Sometimes the symptoms would get so intense that Erik too became distraught. One morning after my vomiting cycle I sat with him while eating breakfast in bed (his idea).

"Erik?" I asked while eating an egg.

"Yes, my darling?"

"What's wrong with you? You seem troubled. I am the one having the baby after all."

"I know," he agreed putting a hand on my leg, "and that's what is troubling me. I hate to see you in such pain all the time. I hate to think that I was the one to cause it, especially after I refused to let you use protection."

A heavy smile crossed my face as I thought into the subject.

"You know something? I'm not sure how much I mind about having this baby anymore. In fact," I giggled a little bit, "I'm excited about it."

Running a hand through my hair he said softly, "you are too good to me Rachel. It almost makes me sad when I know I don't deserve it."

Taking his hand in my own I looked into his eyes.

"No, I don't know why or how I deserve you. I mean, we started off pretty rocky, but we've come a long way and now we're going to have this baby. Besides, it said in those books that I'd be feeling like this."

"Yes, but none of them ever said the symptoms would be this intense. Christine, I can't stand you being in pain…"

Leaning over to him, I kissed his jaw just below his mask. Putting on my most dazzling smile I looked bravely into his eyes.

"It'll be alright, Erik. And just think! We've only got six more months to go!"

I had to keep my smiles on. I knew he was nervous and scared. If I couldn't comfort him, I knew nothing else could. In truth, I was just as scared as him, but I had to let it pass. If I stopped to think about the negative possibilities, I would get stressed and stress would be dangerous for the baby. No, I was going to be brave and get through this and live, not only for my baby, but for Erik. I was the only person he had on Earth and he needed me.

Perhaps it was in that kind of thinking that kept me alive some four and a half months later.

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**...that doesn't sound good...**


	27. All That Matters

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have taken nearly an entire year to update this story.**

**a/n: ok ok ok let's all say it in unison "the yellow flower is an awful person" there it's done... honestly though, i do actually feel bad (blame it on a failed relationship, college auditions, summer jobs, a new computer, and college itself (btw i'm in a bfa acting program! woot woot my work isn't in vain!!)) anywho. i really am sorry. i went through a bunch of the reviews after rereading this story and felt so awful. all of you have been so nice and supportive how could i possibly not finish the story? what's wrong with my bleeding heart?? anywho, you all have been so great and i have been so...not great... these last chapters are dedicated to all the lovely people who kept me going... even two years later. it's been quite a journey. thanks :)**

**plz read & review (without your reviews this chapter wouldn't have come)**

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**Chapter Twenty-Seven – _All That Matters_**

By the forth month the morning vomiting had finally left and I can only try to express how relieved I felt. It was almost a funny experience that I remember as I walked into the bathroom after I woke up and looked in the mirror. At first I realized that I did not have the need to vomit and gave a sigh of praise to God. Since it started, Erik had begun to wake up and to go to the bathroom with me in the mornings to make sure I was all right. Walking in slowing, Erik yawned and looked groggily over to me as I sat on the toilet lid.

Smiling hopefully I looked up at him and said, "I don't have to throw up this morning Erik! Erik," I took one of his hands and held it, "Erik, it's going to get better now I just know it."

I had the act of smiling sweetly down to a tack, but this time, I smiled because I felt like it. It was such a nice feeling that's hard to explain unless one has felt it. For the first time in a while, I was hopeful for myself and not just Erik. Through his tired eyes I could see him smile in the dim light.

"Yes my darling, it _will_ all get better once the baby is born." He whispered nuzzling my head with the nose of his mask making me giggle.

"I really can't wait till it's born, Erik. Well, I can wait, I mean, I imagine labor will be, well, painful, but afterwards it ought to be worth it, right?"

Chuckling softly he said, "you suppose that's why they call it labor my dear?"

"Erik I can't help but think about these things! They're all bound to happen you know."

Bending to sit next to me on the surface he took my chin in his fingers.

"But you know I'll always be there for you."

Smiling even deeper I leaned in to kiss him on the temple. It was then I noticed the profile of my reflection in the full mirror in my room. Standing up I walked as if in a trance to meet my reflection. Straightening my back as much as possible I looked at myself. I really was growing bigger against my cotton nightgown. Erik no longer allowed me to wear a corset once he found out I was pregnant. I didn't argue. He even went out to buy some new clothes that would fit my "growing shape" as he would say.

Putting my hands on my stomach I sighed slightly. Before long I could feel his hands cover my shoulders as we stood together in the mirror.

"What do you think of, my love?" he asked softly in my ear.

Leaning into him I said, "I think you know."

Pulling me to face him, I leaned back against his arms as they pulled my waist to his body. I looked up into his face, into the mask specifically, and I must have frowned because he noticed something different.

"What is it my dear? Why do you look so troubled?"

Looking at his chest I said quietly, "why won't you allow me to see your face? Is it really that big of a deal that I don't see?"

He sighed deeply and pulled me in closer so that he could rest his head on mine.

"You can't see, not yet, you cannot see."

"But why not?"

" It is too soon."

"But how much longer will it take, Erik?" I asked pulling away from him, "I still don't even know who you are."

"You do know who I am, Rachel."

"No, I don't know who you are!" I said growing angry all of a sudden.

"Well what else do you want to know?"

For some reason, I began to lose my breath in getting so frustrated so abruptly, but that did not stop me.

Turning to face him I yelled, "everything!"

It was then I began to pant. My eyes fluttered as I tried to catch the air. I could feel my knees begin to buckle and it became hard to stand. Stumbling to my dresser, I reached a hand out to keep my balance. It was then that I felt Erik's arms under my weight as he lifted me off the floor. I don't remember being carried to the bed, but when I was laid down I recall looking up into Erik's face and saying vaguely, "I don't feel well."

Once the darkness fell on me Erik said I did not stir for over half the day.

When I did wake up, I found Erik by my side, sitting on his knees to be level with my face, and reading yet another large book. It was another baby book that was German. I could only wonder what he was reading about this time. It seemed that he had not gotten far which with Erik was strange. He wouldn't have gotten a book within seconds of my fainting. This would have taken hours for him to leave me in my condition. He also would have been farther into the book because I was well aware how quickly he read.

I began to worry. Was being pregnant supposed to be this hard even in the second trimester? I felt that I couldn't worry for Erik's sake, but there was also a growing doubt in me concerning his face. That mask seemed to be the only thing between us and I hated it. There were so many things to worry me. There was the babies health, my health, Erik's health, my love with Erik, whether I was eating enough to sustain everyone, what was going to happen in the upcoming months, how much labor would hurt, how to raise a child… It was too much.

I began to cry.

It took mere seconds for him to realize me crying. Without saying a word he put down the book on the floor and sat up on the bed with me. Leaning up against the bedpost he took me in his arms and led my body to rest in his lap. Bringing my head to rest on his shoulder, he soothed my hair with his hands and quieted me down with his humming voice.

"I am not hurting you am I?" he asked gently in my ear.

My response was a slight shake of my head under his hand.

"I do not know what I would do without being able to hold you in my arms, Christine."

Once again, my answer was a physical one as I slithered my arms under his to get as close as possible to his frame. It was so nice and warm when we were in such an embrace. I heard him sigh.

"Christine, you know I love you."

I nodded.

"Christine, I, I love you so much and I," I could hear his voice crack, "I cannot bare to see you cry, especially when I know it is I who caused your tears to come." Barring his mask into my hair he whispered, "I am so sorry, my love. I wish I could take this back. I wish I could take it myself and spare you all of this pain. Oh Christine, I am so sorry…"

If I was not mistaken, I could have said that he was crying as well. I did not want his tears. I wanted him to be strong for me and tell me everything was going to be all right. What was strange was that for the first time, I took the reins and spoke up.

"No, Erik," pulling back to look into his eyes I repeated, "no. I will not take this from you. What's done is done and I will not be having regrets because you're 'so sorry'. No, Erik, we are going to have this baby and I don't care what it takes."

Taken aback a little he stroked my hair and said, "You truly are wise beyond your years." He needed to sigh for a moment before saying, "Rachel, I must ask you something rather forward. I believe you can take it. My girl is very strong… but if it came down to your life or the baby's, who would you want me to choose?"

This was a very odd question that I was afraid to go into detail with. Did this mean that there was something wrong with me or my baby? No, I chose not to go into detail with the question, instead I chose to answer.

Taking a deep breath I said, "I would want you to choose our child over me."

"But Rachel – "

"No Erik, I have already lived my life to its fullest. I fell in love, what more is there to life than to be loved back as you have loved me? If it is my time to be called back to God, there is nothing I can do to stop Him."

Taking a tighter grip on me he said brokenly, "but I cannot possibly live without you."

"Yes, you can Erik. I know you can."

He held me close the rest of the night. We did not sleep; we stayed away in each others arms just as we had been doing that day. There was no reason to move and so we sat together on the bed. So much was happening so fast and we were scared together. That was beside the point, of course. The point was that we were together and that was all that really mattered anyway.

Later in the week after lunch we were on our way to the library as usual. I was growing much slower even though my belly was yet to be considered huge. I began to cradle my stomach sometimes thinking that it would help, but there was really nothing I could do. Having been a small person most of my life, even an extra ten pounds seemed like a ton and I knew it was only going to get worse.

"Christine," Erik asked turning to notice my slow pace.

"I'm coming, I just, I think I need to sit down again."

We had hardly made it half way down the hall to the library and I already needed to sit down. Seeing no chair, I leaned up against the wall. Erik put a strong arm around my waist to stable me.

"Come on darling we are almost there."

"But I am so tired all of a sudden. I feel a little faint even."

"Would it hurt if I carried you?"

"No…"

I was already seeing dark patches in my vision. Erik's arms incased me making me a little warm, but it was not enough to keep me awake long enough to see my bed come into view.

When I woke up I felt those strong arms around me that I loved to feel so much. The air around me suddenly felt cold leading me to cuddle closer to my love as I placed my tired head under his masked chin. All the while I had yet to open my eyes.

"Rachel, darling, I am afraid we need to talk about something serious. Are you feeling alright?"

My eyes opened to find us both draped in thick darkness. My fingers began to fumble with the folds in his night shirt. Somewhere within me I knew what he was going to say. It was as if after only two years we had already developed the telepathy of a couple who had seen many more years together than I was afraid we were capable of.

"Erik, I know what you are going to say."

I heard a quick gasp from above me and could feel his torso begin to tremble.

"I just do not know how I could live without you!" He took a huge hold over my shoulders and pulled me close, "You are all I know now. You cannot possibly expect to take care of and raise a child who very well could be killing you!"

"Erik don't say such things! Please don't talk anymore."

His breaths became more ridged building until I heard him begin to sob. He kept a close hold that made me feel as if he would never let go. I didn't have the strength to pull away, nor did I want to, but his tone was beginning to scare me as well.

"Rachel, you do not understand. You have the symptoms of a regular pregnancy, but they are too powerful for your body. I do not know what is wrong with you. I have read book after book in so many languages. I have consulted doctors I have know from all over the globe and none of them know what to do! Christine, I cannot lose you, I cannot!"

"Erik stop!" I screamed pounding his chest with my fist. "Erik, I know I am not well and it scares me, but anxiety will do nothing for us now. What's done is done and nothing can be done to stop the inevitable. What I can't take right now is you treating me like I'm going to die!"

I looked at him straight in his golden eyes. He knew I was right. The tears could be seen running away from the light in those eyes and I began to feel hot tears of my own running down my cheeks. If there was anything I feared, it was the pain I felt that I was going to endure before death. Everything had been so painful up until this point and I only felt that it was going to get much worse when the baby was ready to take its leave.

Taking Erik's head in my hands I spoke.

"Erik, I love you. I love you so much, but I love this baby too. It is your baby Erik and it's going to be more amazing than both of us together. You must believe that. Promise me you'll take care of our baby – your baby. If you love me you will promise me."

I could feel his head begin to slightly go left and right as if to say no.

"Erik you must promise me!"

My grip on his hair got tighter as I tried to somehow stop him from saying no again. His eyes disappeared for a long time as he avoided my strong gaze. He had to promise me. We had no other choice.

"Erik," his golden eyes appeared above me again, "please."

Ever so slightly I felt his head nod as he kept his eye contact with me.

"I promise Rachel."

"Thank you, Erik. Now you must be strong for me."

I heard his voice quiver uncharacteristically, "I will try, my love."

Sliding my head up under his I sighed. If I could just keep a moment of simple joy like that, I felt that I could die and be alright. I had found what I thought would never happen to me and he was holding me in his arms.

"I love you." Was said above me.

"And I love you Erik. I love you more than life."

Those words were never so true to me until that moment.

Weeks went by and we tried to return things to be as normal as we possibly could. Every day it became harder and harder for me to get out of bed. I would go to sleep tired and out of breath every night and it seemed that I woke up the same way. For a long time I did not lead on to how I felt. Erik did not speak directly of his fears for me, but I could feel his thoughts.

I always made my bed attempt to attend all meals that he prepared for me. By four months in he was having to help me dress almost every day. He would make breakfast then come back to our room and wait for me to finish my shower. It was one of these mornings that I found peculiar markings on my body.

Sitting down in my bath tub I tried to relax in the warm water. Before reaching the soap behind me I took a look at wear my baby was currently kept inside of me. It was true, my chest had gotten bigger. A smirk crossed my lips at this. Before my life with Erik I would have been so happy for my chest to be getting bigger, but now that I was loved fully for myself, none of that seemed to matter.

My belly rose and fell as I breathed in the light steam around my bare flesh. Now there was more of a hill that reminded me of a strange looking volcano with my belly button being the center. I couldn't help but laugh at how my belly button now poked out to the ceiling instead of how it used to fall in. Pregnancy was such a funny thing sometimes.

My hands began to reach down to where my baby was. Laying them on my belly and closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. When I opened them I was shocked to see a dark gray patch of skin stretching from my left wrist to half way to my elbow. At first I closed my eyes thinking that I was just seeing some illusion of the morning. Slowly the slits in my eyes grew as I realized the grey bruise looking thing was not going away any time soon.

Sitting up I felt the water swoosh around me in the tub as it tried to place itself evenly around the tub again. Slowly, my right hand reached to lightly touch the grey thing that took my once pale skin away. It felt like a bruise. I tried to think if I had done anything to deserve such a nasty mark. My mind came up blank.

Trying to shrug off my new mark I continued to finish my bath. The worry that had been created with the mark made me weaker. Getting out of the high tub took more effort than usual. Erik would be waiting for me. I could not keep him any longer. I was already feeling bad enough for making him wait as long as he had.

Wrapping a towel around my growing body, I opened the door to see my husband sitting patiently on the corner of our bed.

"Darling you are looking lovely this morning."

"Thank you Erik." I held my left shoulder closer to me debating on how I should tell him. "Erik, there is something – "

"What is that on your neck?"

My brow furrowed. On my neck?

"What do you mean, dear?"

"Raise your head let me look at it." He said walking quickly over to me.

I felt his cold hands under my chin and on my collar bone as his head cocked to the side to see what was on me.

"What is it, Erik?"

"Darling it looks like a grey bruise of some sort. Did you do anything – "

"Erik look!" I yelped holding out my left arm to him. "Erik what does this mean?"

Shaking his head he studied my arm as well.

"I do not know my dear. I will research it specifically. Perhaps it is just a strange lack of blood that is now being given to the baby. Maybe it is natural."

"Maybe." I said under my breath.

Within another month my belly had grown more and my feet had begun to swell with the new weight. As soon as Erik noticed he stopped letting me walk.

"How long have your feet been swelled like this?" he pointed down at my now wide and puff looking feet as we sat in the library.

"It has been about two weeks." I looked down to my belly like a guilty child.

"Why did you keep from telling me, Christine?"

I began to feel his anger rise. I knew he could not have been as mad at me as he was at the entire pregnancy situation that we found ourselves in.

"I just didn't want you to worry, Erik. I thought you had enough to worry about and I was fine walking."

"You are not walking again until the swelling goes down, do you understand?"

"Yes Erik, I understand."

The following days I could never imagined a better more caring husband. We still attempted to keep up our usual routines, except now he would just carry me everywhere that we would go. My breakfast would be served to me in bed. After I finished he would carry me to the music room. I would sing a little at the beginning, but he never allowed me to strain myself on the harder songs. By the end of the lesson, he had done more singing and most of the songs that he played would be pieces I had never heard before.

He would then carry me to the table for lunch. Many times we would talk about future plans that we could share with our baby. Some of the plans were so absurd too! We would talk about what gender the baby would be and what physical features it would have from each of us. Then we would decide what religion it would be and how that could affect it later on. Of course we had to decide how we would punish it too if the time ever came when we had to. Schools were next on the list which were followed by extracurricular activities. We went on and on until our baby had graduated college and married. Oh the talks we had about the endless possibilities were astonishing to me! Every day I became more and more excited about the endless possibilities our baby was going to have in its life!

In the afternoons he would carry me to the library where he would read to me as the fire crackled behind us. It was a beautiful picture of a life. Sometimes he would let me choose what was to be read and other days he would insist that I allow him to pick something that I was sure to learn from. Many times I found myself too exhausted to stay awake the entire afternoon, but being the wonderful man he was, he never seemed to mind too much.

It was sometime in the seventh month of this bliss that I woke up to the bed being wet below me. My head seemed to weigh a ton and moving it high enough to be able to look down seemed too hard to bare. Even my vision seemed to be turning on and off like a flickering bad light that needed to be replaced.

Slowly, my right hand reached down to where the wetness was coming from. On its way up to my face I would feel that the liquid was thick and gooey. My mind was not working fast enough to come to full conclusions. I had to see what was happening. As my vision flicked on for a sudden moment, I could see my hand come shakily in front of my face.

I was dripping in blood.

As if on cue Erik came into the room. Seeing immediately what I could not, he dropped the tray of food he was carrying in for me. It was as if everything were going slowly than normal when I heard the dishes break on the floor. My last images were of Erik rushing over to the bed. First he surveyed my body throwing the sheets off. Lastly he looked at my face putting a hand to my forehead. I remember few words being shot from my body before everything went dark.

"Erik it's too early. It's too early!"

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**sorry if there are mistakes.... this chapter really did take me a year to write. i just found it on my documents and felt the need to post asap. i really want to finish this story for the new year! may God be with us! Merry Christmas all of you lovely people!**


	28. Falling, Falling, Falling

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I would not have class in two hours.**

**a/n: a special thanks to my four reviewers ****Broken-Vow, sanna B., Remat, Avatarded from the last chapter. i hope everyone is enjoying the story. there's only two chapter's left and they are already written (tears from me included). support is always welcome at this point.**

**a/n (part ii): if you like my writing you may want to check out my new story A Picture's Worth. it's a series of one-shots based on paintings. **

**plz read & review**

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**Chapter Twenty-Eight – _Falling, Falling, Falling_**

Voices. There were two deep voices that sounded to me like they were underwater. There was another voice, his sounded worried but serious. I tried to focus in on what he was saying. It was as if his voice were almost to the surface of what I could and could not hear. Then his voice got farther and farther away under the water. There was more yelling by the deeper voices that were no longer as monotone as they once were. Three or four higher pitched voices came into my hearing before all sound was lost.

All the while I wanted to open my eyes and see the spectacle that was taking place around me, but my eyelids were too heavy. At first, I could tell I was under a great light. It had been so long since I had seen light that it almost blinded me though the pink coloring of the back of my eye lids. Every so often the light would be blocked making me see only blackness. Eventually, the darkness was all I could comprehend.

Suddenly, I felt the sensation of falling. It was like having a dream except for the dream never stopped. I just keep falling past all sorts of things. They were all a strange blur to me. Not only was I falling, the things around me were spinning as if I were falling through a tornado. Everything was going so fast I could not make it all out but every so often something stood out among the other things.

First there was my mom. She was sitting on the front porch of my one story brick house waving at me and calling out my name with one hand and a chunky looking video camera in her other hand. "Smile for the camera, Rachel! Give Mommy and smile!" She looked a lot younger from what I remember. Her hair was much darker and she looked thinner. Her black t-shirt was tucked into her jeans which came up above her waist. That was the first memory I ever had of her.

Then there was my father. It was during the time when he and Mom actually got along. He stood in the bed room with my mom and they were getting ready to go to bed. I stood at the door peaking in from the door when he caught me looking inside. "Look at who came to visit us," he chuckled, "what are you doing out of bed?" He had walked over to where I was at the door and towered over me, but then I lost all footing below me and was falling again through the whirl wind.

My sister came towards me out of the spinning cyclone. She had a stick in her hand and was yelling towards me, "Run Rachel we have to save the planet from the evil forces! Pick up your sword and hold it like I have it so you can fight off the bad guys!" My vision ran after her with a stick traveling with me to my right as we began to jab at invisible forces that were threatening the earth.

Things became a lot darker and I was taller next to my father and mom. I walked towards my father to look where he was pointing to find a skinny little dog in shivering in the corner of a cage. Dogs barked madly all around us as I sat down in front of the cage. I could see my hand reach to the gate in front of the cage as the little golden dog slithered forward to me with his big brown eyes. My hand was so close to touching his head when the falling sensation came upon me once again.

There was a little black cat that lay next to my two year old dog Luke. Sammy sprung up out of nowhere to attach the long hair that was attached to Luke's hair as he wagged it when his name was said. At first, Luke didn't mind the constant clawing at his backside. His fur was so long that he could hardly feel the scratches. Then Luke was standing up and running around me being followed by Sammy. They ran around me spinning me into the tornado that surrounded me.

Familiar faces passed by me. Some were more obvious than others. Most of them would smile at me. Some were on a play ground and the more defined ones were lit by stage lighting and were in unique costumes. They ran around me on the playground and they danced around me on the stage until I could not tell a difference anymore. Every memory I had was suddenly meshing together around me. Different sounds of laughing and crying merged together until I found my footing again.

I was lying on a bed and could not move. A man came in through the door in front of me. He wore old clothing, but most peculiar of all he had a black mask that covered his entire face. I knew who this was! I wanted to call out to him, but my memory only replayed itself. There were so many tears to blur up my vision. At the moment I hated myself so much for taking away any moments away from the man I loved.

All other memories began to fade except for those that surrounded Erik. Those memories became more vivid for me the closer in time they came to where I was now. Memories of my wedding dress, the flame, the piano, the library and then the bed we shared danced around me. Erik walked in and out of those memories as if there were a door in every one of them. I could now feel my arms stretch out to him, but he always treated me like he did in the memory, never quite seeing how much I wanted him as much as he wanted me.

Everything began to get brighter and harder to see until everything turned white around me and I fell to a surface that felt uncertain, but has a surface no less. At first I lay there stupidly while trying to catch my breath after all that had just happened. Eventually, I was able to push off the ground with my hands that felt more like cotton balls than anything else. Before me was a regular looking glass door. I walked towards it and it opened for me revealing more light that in time settled on fuzzy pictures that I could make out.

I walked towards them curiously until an invisible force field kept me from going any farther. A man whom I had never seen was going up to what looked like Erik. He sat hunched over in a chair with his face hidden his hands. I noted how strange Erik looked in modern clothes. He wore black suit pants with a black collared button-up shirt and black fedora, but that was all I could tell before the doctor walked directly in front of him. For the doctor, Erik stood up, but the doctor turned out to be just as tall as he was which once again kept me from seeing his face.

At the doctors news I saw Erik cripple and need to sit back down. His head stayed buried in hands and his body shook tremendously. I wanted to run and comfort him and tell him that everything was alright, that he didn't have to cry, but I couldn't move. I could only watch and suffer behind the strange invisible shield that kept me from my love.

All of that faded and leaded into the next scene. Erik was at a window of his own looking in. It was as if I stood directly beside him and was looking in. I could not turn around to look at him; I was forced to look in at what he saw. In the back corner of a room filled with babies there was a glass box that held the smallest baby I had ever seen inside of it. It was too small to be able to make out specific physical features, but I knew it had to have been ours.

"That's your baby, you know."

I turned to face where the distantly familiar voice came from. In the midst of a white surrounding that never seemed to begin or end, stood a woman I had only seen in pictures. She had my grandfather's smile and eyes, but she looked not much older than me. She was not the most beautiful of women, but she certainly was good looking as she stood in a white and floral flapper-like dress and hat.

"Hello child, I am so please to finally meet you. You were the youngest of your family and I never did get to meet you like I did the others."

"You're my great grandmother aren't you?" I asked.

"Granny Mose as you would know me."

"But you look so young. The only pictures I remember of you, you were well passed your sixties."

"Well child, in heaven God lets us pick the image of ourselves we like the most when we wish to appear to others. I was the skinniest in life at the age of nineteen. That was before I had your grandfather!"

Looking around at the white around me I asked in shock, "is this heaven?"

For a moment she stopped smiling. She didn't want to answer me.

"Granny Mose you have to tell me!" I all but screamed with impatience.

"Now calm down child, I haven't talked to a mortal in a long time. It takes a little while to phrase words correctly."

"Please Granny Mose!"

She suddenly stood in front of me. Lightly she placed a hand on my shoulder. She was taller than me by a good four inches making me really feel like I was talking to an elder.

"Rachel, you must listen closely my child. I have been sent by God to talk to you. He cannot come himself because no human can stand in his presence and so he thought I would be the best to talk to you. He thought our personalities fit the best," at this she could not help but chuckle, "I have been watching over you for some time now. God knew that all of this would happen and he placed me as your guardian angel when you were born. I have been there watching over you from the beginning of everything, even when you met Erik."

She must have chuckled at my shocked expression. I could not believe that this woman I had only seen in pictures was my guardian angel, but she thankfully continued before I could go into detail about what embarrassing things she must know about me.

"He is quite an interesting man, your Erik. I remember the first time I felt his presence in your life. You see, God told me about Erik. He was a seven year old boy when you were born. God showed me to him and explain what was to happen. At first, I wanted to play poltergeist to him for wanting to steal your life away from you at such a young age, but then I saw a little bit into Erik's life.

"When he told you he wasn't related to Monet, he lied. He lied because that's what made his family rich. They own the rights to ever piece Monet ever did which made them very wealthy. Poor Erik was caught in the middle of all the money. His mother and father were not very interested in him, you see. They were constantly on vacation as he went through all of his schooling. He is a smart man, you know. The education he received was much better than I could have ever imagined. He even went to college at the age of sixteen on a full scholarship to Oxford. He's has a doctorate, did you know?"

"Dr. Monet," I snickered bitterly at how much she knew and I did not.

"Now, now, no time for any of that. Anyway, he always had tutors in the arts. That is what he turned to when his family was away. He had no brothers or sisters and his house was far away from anything else. At the age of eighteen his parents died leaving him everything, but with his intellect he didn't really need all of it. He made many investments and is now secretly one of the richest men in the United States." She must have laughed at my reaction, "You didn't know that did you, child?"

"No, I never had any idea. He wouldn't tell me about his life." I said feeling upset on how much I never knew about my own husband.

"And for good reason! He didn't want you to know. He hasn't lived a good life before meeting you. He understands pain and hurt better than most on this earth. He's a very emotional person, you know. It is hard for him to take anything lightly."

At this I laughed heartedly.

"You're telling me!"

She laughed softly in response.

"Erik is an interesting one as I said. He never knew love until meeting you. It is actually a funny story. Do you remember what you did after your parents divorced?"

It took me a moment to remember what had happened. There were a lot of things I did after my parents divorced, but there was one thing that began to stand out among all the others.

"I went walking." I said slowly, "I walked into the woods my father and I used to walk in. It was cold and had begun to snow, but I kept walking. The woods never seemed to end that day. It was only until after dark that I really realized I was lost." I paused for a moment, "where were you then? If you were my guardian where have you been?"

"Oh honey, I was there, but I wasn't the only one, remember. I didn't need to lead you home. For some time, another had been guarding you. He walked many yards behind you, but he was still there. He was the one to call the police to find you once you stopped walking."

"Granny Mose that couldn't have been Erik! I was twelve then!"

"And why couldn't it have been him, honey? He had been driving through the area when he saw you walking into the woods. You fed his curiosity that day and he stopped the car to follow you to see where you were going. He felt your feelings and wanted to reach out to you, but felt that he couldn't because he didn't know you. So he followed you. It was the only thing he knew how to do, just like he used to follow his parents when he was young. At the time, he could not help you, so he called the police, but four years later, he saw that he could."

I could not help but feel tears of shock and confusion overwhelm me. She knew so much about everything that I thought I already knew and it all felt like too much in such a short amount of time.

"I can't believe it. He's known me for so long and I had no idea."

"Yes, Rachel, you know he didn't want to take you so soon after the car crash, but you scared him so deeply that he felt he couldn't wait. He couldn't have you wondering around like you had up until that point. He wanted your life to have purpose and so he stole you from the life that had only beaten you down."

"But I lived a good life up until then Granny Mose! He didn't have to steal me away!"

"But it was what you wanted. Don't you remember that as a little girl you often turned to books and musicals for comfort, more specifically Phantom of the Opera because you could always disappear into the story to easily. Erik just let you disappear into the story for good."

Usually I would have felt the need to sit down or something, but where I was I didn't quite feel human enough to need to. I sighed and looked away from Granny Mose's hazel eyes.

"I know it's a lot for you to take in child, but I thought you needed to know. Erik was always so afraid to tell you anything in fear of more rejection."

"No," I breathed in deep then looked up at her, "I'm glad you told me. I always wanted to know."

Raising her hands to my cheeks, she cupped my face in her hands, "yes I thought you would. The rest you may ask about in due time, but we must move on to the reason why all of this has happened the way it has.

"Now child, listen here, there is much I want to tell you, but I am afraid that time can only freeze for so long. On Earth you are currently in a coma. Your baby has already been born and is in critical condition inside an incubator. You have to make an important decision, Rachel. It is your choice to decide what you are more willing to sacrifice in life. If your baby grows up, he will soon become a strong child whose life will be great, but you have another choice. If the baby you currently have lives, you will have to sacrifice something great from yourself."

"What? Not Erik – anything but – "

"No, no, child, not Erik, he is not you, only a part of your life. I cannot tell you what the sacrifice will be, but it will be great."

"Granny Mose, how can I choose, I would never wish to kill my baby!"

"And you wouldn't be the one to kill it, God would simply take it up to heaven before it could live its life. The choice is all yours, my child."

My voice was getting softer and weaker and I suddenly felt as if everything around me were growing fuzzy.

"How can I ever…?"

"Goodbye my dear girl." She said moving away without walking, "Time is being turned back now, but only for a few moments. I will see you again when you die for real. Till then I will never be far away from you. I love you Rachel."

Everything got smaller around me making it harder to breathe.

"Granny Mose!" I shouted, but she was already gone. The white around me was taken away leaving darkness in its wake. I tried to shout out to her again, but my body hurt too much. I was falling again through the blackness. Falling, falling, falling…

The voices began to get closer to the water's edge making them easier to understand as I kept falling. The mindless gargles began to have spaces and syllables added to them and became louder until suddenly I was no longer falling. The light shined bright against my eyelids making the world seem pink to me. While everything still echoed around me, I could still hear them speak.

"She's lost a lot of blood," a deep voice said to my right.

"I don't know if she's going to be able and pull through," another tired deeper voice said to my left.

"Doctor," said a younger lady's voice to my right, "we need to ask if they want the baby's life over the wife's."

"I'll go and get the husband," said a deeper woman's voice to my left.

Erik! They were going to get Erik! Within a few moments I heard the woman speaking to Erik in a far corner.

"You need to make a decision, Dr. Monet," said the deep voiced lady.

I knew what I had to do. It was as if everything in my life had all led up to this one moment. _This_ was my sacrifice. This was my purpose in life – too keep my baby alive. Even after what I had told Erik to do, I had to be the one to make the decision. They were waiting for it; God was waiting. The decision had to be made quickly.

With the remaining strength I had left in my body I began to carefully place the right words together in my head. I would only get once chance to say them, after the words were out, I would surely be deceased and be flying far away to see Granny Mose once more. Using my last bit of sense I took a huge, highly painful breath.

"Save…"I took another fading breath, "the…" one last breath for the most important word, "baby."

It was as if a bomb went off around me making everyone scurry closer to where I lay, then everything went black.

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**plz review :)**


	29. Fun As It Was

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I wouldn't have an audition for Busch Gardens tomorrow (that I need to prepair for!!)**

**a/n: thanks to my reviewers from last chapter. every review means sooooo much to me! um yeah so there's still 2 chapters left... apparently i can't count. sorry...**

**plz read & review!**

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**Chapter Twenty-Nine – _Fun As It Was_**

"Yes doctor, yes I came as soon as I got your call…. So you say that the monitor's numbers have risen? Yes, yes that is good… any time now, yes, yes I'll wait here. I'll be sure to let you know if she wakes up….Yes, yes thank you! Thank you so very much! I'll never be able to thank you enough for all of this!"

That voice. I had heard it before, but it was a long time ago. It sounded older somehow, a little deeper from what I remembered it. I wanted to see where the voice was coming from. I had to see _her_.

I could see the pink of my eyelids rather than the black curtain that I had become accustomed to. Then a light was moved away leaving my eyes see grey. Where did the light go? I had to open my eyes. My hearing was becoming clearer with the passing time. At first I heard her voice far away, as if coming from an open door in the left corner of a small room. The door was open because I could hear merged voices that passed by it, yet I could not hear whom she was talking to.

Once the door closed, light was taken away from my left slowly as if blinds had been closed, but then a slightly brighter light came through to my right as I heard a different kind of blinds being raised. Something was taking hold of my right hand. The touch was light and too soft to be Erik.

I had to see her. I had to!

I felt a large weight upon my eyelids, but if I was really alive, it had to be removed. Sighing to let out any weight that I could, I inhaled deeply and scrunched my eye brows trying to coax my eyelids in any possible way. It was a slow process, but eventually I felt my eye lashes tickle each other lightly. A few moments later light began to pour into my hurting eyes and I heard the woman gasp next to me as my eyes began to focus.

"Rachel? Oh Rachel! Oh thank God!"

The hand griped my hand tighter and shook it. Rolling my eyes to my right I vaguely saw through my blurry vision a woman not much taller than me. She had light brown hair, my nose and my grandmother's eyes. As my eyes focused I saw tears in her eyes.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Rachel, remember me?"

"Mom!"

She reached out to hug me awkwardly as I lay helpless in bed. With the strength that I had, I returned the hug with my feeble hands. My eyes began to sting with my own tears, but I held them back.

"Mom, what happened? What's going on?"

"Rachel, you've been in a coma for nearly two years. You had a car accident on your way to school, do you remember any of it?"

Yes, yes the truck on the highway from so long ago; I remember that.

"But what's happened since then, Mom? Where am I?"

Squeezing my hand tighter she looked deeper into my eyes.

"Rachel, after the accident, you were brought here. There were many surgeries you had to undergo. They had to reconstruct a lot of your face, but that's all healed now." Reaching out to touch my forehead she added, "I don't even see the scars anymore. What a miracle, thank God in Heaven!"

She hugged me again. Was it all just a dream? Was none of it real? Erik? At that time there was a knock on the door.

"Oh yes, Rachel, there is someone special you need to meet."

When opening the door, new light shined in making me squint. In walked a tall black form. He wore black dress pants, a black button up shirt and his hair was a thick jet black, but most peculiar of all was his face. What first struck me were his golden eyes. I had never seen a man with golden eyes except for… His face structure was long and well defined. He was even beginning to grow a dark beard. His eye brows were black to match the rest of his hair and his forehead was wrinkled with worry.

"Rachel this is Erik Monet, he had been taking care of your medical bills ever since you came here. He was the first to see you after the accident and if it were not for him, well you may not be here."

"Good morning, Ms. Carson, it is a pleasure to finally meet you." He said in a classy tone as he picked up my left hand to kiss it softly.

_Erik_! My mouth dropped open, my eyes grew wider and I could faintly hear a machine near-by cause beep faster to follow my thumping heart. Closing my eyes tight enough to hurt I took a breath to calm myself.

"Erik has become a good friend to me and the family. He visited you often, but you probably don't remember that."

"Erik." I said slowly in shock at what was happening.

"Yes Rachel, I'm sure you two will become good friends. He knows a great deal of history and he is well traveled. He even came to eat Thanksgiving with our family this year."

All kinds of words and questions were jumbled up in my head at that moment, but nothing seemed to come out. It was all too easy to stare at this man whom I knew, but had never seen, with my mouth agape and soundless.

Another knock on the door was heard.

"Yes?" Mom called out.

A doctor came in and informed her of paper work – something about future release papers, but I was not in an understanding state of mind. Eventually she walked out leaving Erik and me alone.

"Erik?" I said uncertainly.

At that moment he ran to the right side of my bed where my mom had been. Coming to his knees he took my arms in his hand and held it tightly to his scratchy face.

"Oh my darling, I was so afraid!" I heard his gasp as he laid a kiss to my palm.

"Erik, what's happening? I'm so confused. Is the baby…?"

I could not finish. If I was alive, how could the baby be? I thought I had saved it with my own sacrifice, but here I was in the hospital. Tears welled up to my eyes.

"Rachel, darling," he stroked my left cheek with his hand and still held my right hand to his face, "our baby is in critical condition downstairs, but with time and growth he will be fine."

"He?"

"Yes my love, we have a son!"

"Oh Erik I'm so glad he's alright."

"As am I," he lightly placed a smooth kiss on my forehead, "but I am more thankful for your life at this moment, you were moments from death, my dearest."

"Erik, I thought I had died. What happened? Does Mom know about all of this?"

"No, no, she does not know a thing. I will explain everything when there is more time, but know that you and our baby are safe."

As if on cue, Mom came back into the room. In the time it took me to turn my head to the door, Erik was already seated on the chair, and was no longer touching me whatsoever. Everything had become an act and now I was expected to play along.

"Erik I just heard the news!" she said cheerfully, "how touching of your to adopt that poor child downstairs! Rachel, you really won't believe the growing kindness of Mr. Monet. Just yesterday he adopted a two pound premature baby after its mother died giving birth to it. You should see it, it's so tiny! It's a miracle that it lived. Have you named it yet, Mr. Monet?"

Smiling half-heartedly, Erik spoke softly, "I have yet to come to a name from him, and please Ms. Carson, do call me Erik. We are friends now, are we not?"

"Why yes, Erik, we truly are." She said warmly.

"Now, I think I will go to check on my new boy so I can leave you and your daughter alone for a little while. I am sure there are many things you wish to speak of."

"Oh yes Erik, I do hope to see you later?" she said replacing him in his chair

"Of course, I would love to get to know Rachel better. After all she has been quite the investment." In saying that I saw him wink to me as he exited through the open door. It was strange to see the muscles of his face scrunch up to actually wink. It was a lot to take in for only being awake for less than half an hour.

By lunch time I had not only spent time with my mom, I had seen all the family that lived within an hour away from the hospital which included my uncle Stephen, my aunt Caroline and her husband Richard, their daughter (and my older cousin) Tori, and our aging grandparents. In seeing my grandpa I could not help but smile and think of how he and Granny Mose would interact with each other. I was sure she was as happy as I was to have the entire family together again. My sister even flew in for a few hours just to see me. Apparently, she had become a flight attendant during my "coma" and could fly easily in and out of places.

Other than that fact, and that my cousin was so be married in a year, my family seemed the same. Later on after I took a nap a little after lunch (and after they took a feeding tube out of me which was an absolutely revolting experience) my drama class and fellow drama majors came after school to see me. It was so good to see them all again. They had grown up so much, but in the long run, they never changed either. One of them even snuck some Gadiva chocolate in for me.

I really did love seeing all of those people I had been away from for so long. The love I had for them had yet to die even in not seeing them for two years. It was nice to have dinner and be surrounded by all my friends and family. At that moment, it could have been so easy to say that I could never ask for more, but there was someone I wanted more than anything and he had not come back to see me all day.

With time the numbers dwindled, all promising to come back tomorrow. The nurses, while they loved the sound of all the laughter, were becoming a bit annoyed with so many people crowding the little room. At last it was only my mom and me left. We talked a little while longer until an announcement came over the intercom that visiting hours were over.

"You know that because I'm family I can stay longer?" she asked me.

"Yes, but you will see me tomorrow too. I promise not to run off like that again."

"Yes, but," she reached out to hug me a little more fuller now that my bed had been raised to a sitting position, "I have just missed you so much. I never want to take our time for granted again."

"And you will not Mom, I promise. I love you."

Smiling she returned, "I love you too… and I will be back tomorrow."

"But what about your job?"

"Tomorrow is a Saturday."

I smiled towards her as she began to walk out the door.

"Oh Mom," I said shyly, "I'm sorry. I am sorry for what I said… the day that I, well you know."

"Yes Rachel, I know. Don't worry about it anymore. I'm just glad to have you back. Love you," she whispered walking out the door.

For the next few moments I waited in silence. I could not believe the amount of tubes they had shoved into my body. It was such a relief to not remember what they all felt like going in. A nurse came in and prepared me for bed, turning the light down before she left. I looked about the darkened room. Erik said he would come back, now where was he? I wanted to stay awake just a little longer, but could not find the strength. He said he would come back. He had to come back…

The next morning I woke to a nurse taking a few more tests. I asked her if anyone had come to see me since last night.

"No baby, not after your mamma," he laughed a bit, "besides, didn't enough people come to welcome you back to Earth yesterday?"

I smiled at her good humor and let her continue with her business or checking random reflexes, tubes and wires around or in my body. They were not always painful, just annoying. She was nice, but I was relieved when she left. It was strange being taken care of by anyone who was not Erik.

He came to see me not too long after she left. Carrying the breakfast tray that the hospital offered, he looked well rested compared to the day before. He had shaved and even looked hansom, but I could not take the time for that to load in my brain. So many questions were unasked and needed immediate answers!

"Erik!" I piped.

Giving me a reproachful look he waved his head towards the door before he shut it. Shaking his head he said, "Now, now, _Rachel_, let us not make a fuss in a public place."

"Erik, where have you been?" I said angrily as he sat down, putting my tray on a near-by table and sliding it up to me.

"Rachel, you certainly are being rude considering you have only once before met me!"

I looked at him through squinted eyes. He only smiled mockingly back at me. It still looked so weird to still him have facial featured that showed his emotions. I could actually read his emotions! How strange it was to finally be able to look at my husband's face and understand how he was feeling! He must have seen a glint of uncertainty in my eyes for he leaned down to lightly kiss my nose. I half smiled back at him.

"I have been running errands, you see." He pulled a rose from some place I could not see and placed it in front of my rose for me to smell.

"It smells nice, Erik." I told him dryly as he placed it on a near-by window ceil.

Leaning forward he kissed me tenderly on the lips. I returned the gesture and put a hand to his face to cup his cheek. Pulling away he said, "Not as nice as you will smell once you are home again."

I scoffed at his hidden innuendo then smiled evilly back to him. He kept the hand that was once on his bare cheek in his large hand. I looked away from what he just said and tried to put my feelings of confusion into words.

"Erik," I asked almost timidly, "I do not even know what 'home' means anymore. I'm so confused, Erik."

Patting my hand he said, "here, eat your breakfast and I shall tell you a story, my love."

"But I am not hungry now."

"You need your strength, dear, for what you are about to hear." Pulling the sliding table over my lap he said softly, "eat, love."

I really do not remember what I was eating. Everything tasted the same once he began his story.

"To begin with," he said as if he were confessing his sins, "I am not some kind of sick man who has wanted you for perverse actions since you were a child."

At this I could not help, but laugh.

"Really Erik?" I said sarcastically, "I had no idea!"

"Rachel, this is serious… I only wanted you to know in case it ever crossed your mind."

"Very well dear, do continue."

"Only if you keep eating, love."

I rolled my eyes and shoved something that looked like scrambled eggs into my mouth.

"Now that that is cleared away, I will get to something that concerns your coming to live with me." He felt the need to clear his throat, "Ever since I first saw you, I had been researching you. There was something about you that really struck me different. Before you, I did not have much of an interest in a social living. I was happy where I was – absorbed in money, surrounded by books, and engulfed in fine art. We were never meant to meet, you and me. I think we both could have lived our lives without knowing each other and would have been fine, but, I guess some things are better off explained through faith."

I smiled at this. Granny Mose was right. I would have to tell Erik about that adventure some other time. Now, at last, it was my turn to listen.

"Something that I am sure you would find interesting is that the 'House by the Lake' is something I was already building when I had first saw you. The Phantom of the Opera was a book that I had borrowed off of a friend and thought it would be an interesting idea to have an underground home of my own that led away from my original house that no one knew about. Many times I would use my own set of tunnels to get to my own underground living space. I was not going to build the Louis-Phillipe room, but as I have said, then I saw you.

"I found it very interesting how interested you where in things involving the Phantom. In a way, that was your outlet from the house that you lived in." He took my hands, "you were so sad Rachel and I understood your sadness. I began to realize just how the original Erik felt when seeing his Christine. Your sadness was like a magnet leading me to you." He let go of my hands so that he could continue talking without having to look directly at me, "For the first time I cared about someone. I wanted to make _them_ happy. I wanted to heal them over myself and it drove me crazy!"

For a moment he paused to look at me, trying to recollect himself.

"Keep eating Rachel, you are not finished."

Slowly I followed his command. I had to figure this all out.

"I had known of you for some time and I still had no idea what to do about it. Kidnapping you was never a specific part of the plan. I thought about meeting you like any normal person would; dating you and whatnot, but I felt so much older than you at the time. To wait for you to enter college seemed far too long. It only became worse for me as you entered high school. There were so many boys there – so many people that could steal you away. There was that one boy, Daniel, but he broke your heart. Then there was Amrico, but he did worse to you. I could not let it happen anymore, but once again, I felt that there was nothing I could do. I did not want to come off as an old man to you.

"It so happened that I was driving on the overpass of where the truck hit your car. I had two choices: kill the shameless truck driver, or save you. The choice seems obvious now, but I was so enraged that I nearly did kill that poor old man. Perhaps this is another thing of fate, but I was fortunately able to pull you out from your car before it exploded, which is a miracle in itself."

"My car exploded?" I asked in awe as Erik pulled my table away and took hold of my hands again.

"Yes darling, there is not much left to it now. It was placed in a junk yard after the firefighters came. I had no time to waste with you. I could not sit around and wait for an ambulance to come for you. Carefully, I placed you in the backseat of the car and took you to the nearest hospital. Then I waited. People in the emergency room told me that what I did should never have been done and that what I had done was really a thoughtless move, but they did not understand. I had claimed you by that time and I could not just let you go. You were _mine_ even then, Christine!"

He took a moment to calm himself.

"Rachel," he corrected, "once I held you for the first time, I could not simply let go. While I waited for news from the doctor I took a trip around the hospital. On the third floor I found a peculiar scene before me. A nurse sat crying while talking to another nurse. I heard her say something like how she could not believe that no one would come for a particular girl who was in a coma. The doctor's had no choice but to pull her plugs because no one could speak for her otherwise. I looked through the window of her room and she had many physical features that looked like your own. It was then I came up with an insane idea.

"The windshield of your car had smashed into your face. There were only cuts from the glass, but your family did not know that. You must understand that I have a lot of money, more money than most people could ever realize and I can do a lot with my money and no one will question me. I took advantage of my perfect opportunity and seized it. With time and many different surgeries, that other girl in a coma became you. I paid the doctors to do make the switch, while I unknown to them, took you home with me once they said you would wake in a matter of weeks.

"You healed quicker than I could have imagined and caught me off guard when I finally saw you awake. I did not know how to react. Up until then I had not thought much of you, yourself, I only thought of what I thought you needed. Everything had happened in a matter of weeks in my world and now I was the Phantom and you were Christine. It was easier for me to try to make you accept that rather than try to explain to you everything. Once the plastic surgery for the other girl was in place, we were free to live our lives in peace."

"But what about the girl? Why would you do that to her soul? Erik it was her time to leave and you kept her here and changed her face… Erik how could you?" I asked in shock.

"Because I was not thinking, Rachel!" he shouted standing up to walk over to the window to my right. "You were not safe here, in this world. I could protect you. I knew that I was the only one that could protect you and so I took the necessary steps to keep you under my watch." He turned to me, "Darling I could think of no other way. It only so happened that I was able to switch your bodies again after the baby was born!"

"So now she's dead?" I squeaked.

"No, so happens she is not dead. I am leaving that decision up to another doctor at another hospital."

"But what if she wakes?"

He could only look to the floor and shake his head. She was finally going to die after two years of waiting. I could not believe it. I just could not believe any of it. It was then that I thought I saw a sort of white outlined figure come behind Erik and place a sort of misshapen hand on his shoulder. Was she trying to tell me something? Did she really want me to forgive him for all of this and act like nothing had happened?

For only a brief moment another figure came beside her and took her white-lined hand. It was hard to tell, but though transparent, she seemed to have similar physical features to my own. Her nose was smaller and her eyes were a lighter shade of brown. She smiled at me then looked towards Granny Mose. She nodded warmly before she led the other girl, my distant twin, to the window where they soon disappeared unknown to Erik.

I was stunned. Everything that I thought I once knew had been turned on its head. It was once easy to say I knew the man who stood in the corner, but now I was not so sure. I did not understand why he had to carry out everything the way he did. Looking back on everything we realized that it was not necessary, but it certainly was fun while it lasted.

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	30. Hand in Hand

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, the story would have been done by now!**

**a/n: thanks to you lovely few who reviewed lately. the number of reviews have dropped... i kno i'm not the best at updating constantly because of my schedule, but i do enjoy knowing your opinions out there. **

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**Chapter Thirty – _Hand in Hand_**

By our first (or second) anniversary we were out of the hospital, as in all three of us where, including Erik. It just so happened that on the scheduled day of my release he decided to take the stairs up to my room. Not many people ever take the stairs unless in an emergency and so the back stairwell that Erik took happened to be darker and not as well kept. It had been raining hard three days prior to my release and there turned out to be a rather large leak over the stairs that ran from the top of the first steps and dripped down to a large puddle at the bottom of the staircase. Erik had been in a hurry to reach me, as well as being in a happy mood. Being as tall as he is, he often takes two steps at a time. On that particular day he tried jumping four steps at a time… When he finally came up to see me he was being followed by two flustered nurses while he continued to yell at the entire hospital for not being safe. His forehead was oozing with blood and I could hardly hear the nurses near him trying to get him to go to the ER to get stitches next to his booming voice. He did not have to stay long there, but he made sure to get as much money out of the place as he could before he left. I later found out that the five thousand dollar check that I received in the mail two weeks later was not from a charitable institution. Erik said he did not need the money, he just thought it would be a nice homecoming gift. I could only roll my eyes.

Within that period of our own physical healing, the baby was growing stronger every day. While the baby was not in perfect condition, he no longer needed to be in an incubator anymore and could be moved to another location (which eventually turned into Erik's first house). Little Taylor Pierre Monet finally left the hospital weighing a total of six pounds and two ounces. Since I was able to leave somewhat sooner than Taylor, Erik made sure to pick me up from home every day so that we could visit him.

Both of us had to admit that our Taylor had a certain spunk that we had never seen for a baby that young. Now, granted, both of us had never really been around many babies, but we could not help but think our boy was special somehow. While still in the incubator, Taylor was said to move a lot more than children could at his development. Of course his sleeping schedule was off as most young baby's are, but he was always twitting his fingers. Once Erik pointed at him through the glass of the window of the room before we entered and said, "Look darling, he will be a magnificent pianist! Just look at how his fingers move."

I often found it funny how Erik had such big dreams for our boy. It was as if everything that we had talked about back at our house was going to come true. Erik had all but started writing down week by week plans for the baby once he came to Erik's home. Once walking in to sit by the incubator, Taylor's restlessness would soften. He would look up at me first with his big green eyes and stop all his fidgeting. Then he would look up at Erik, but then had to look back at me. Since Erik was so tall, Taylor did not always like to look at him and would instead look at me.

Once I even put out a finger to touch the glass box that held my son. Taylor looked at me strangely at first, and then he also extended his little hand to touch the glass. It was a beautiful moment for me. I was not allowed to hold my own baby yet. The doctors said it was too dangerous for his fragile bones and so I was left to be with him through a little glass wall. I do not know how he knew it was me, but I could not help but think that he did. A nurse walked by and gasped when she saw us. Quickly, I retracted my finger thinking she would rebuke me. Instead she said, "I have never seen that baby so calm! He's always got something to move as if he had something to do! You must have super powers to keep a baby that calm, ma'am." Looking up at Erik I smiled, he gazed back as if he already knew what she said to be true.

I eventually told him about my dream and Granny Mose. He only nodded slowly to everything he heard. Maybe he believed me, but just did not want to acknowledge everything coming down to fate. Despite the fact that I could now see his face, reading his expressions many times confused me. He liked to think that he had control over everything, at least that is what he told me, but I somehow had a feeling that after all that happened, he was beginning to have a greater belief in something more than just himself.

"That was the last I ever saw of her. Sometimes I wonder whether she is still around, but now that we have found each other, I do not know if she feels the need."

He stopped walking to look down at me and smile. I looked back up to him and nuzzled my head into his shoulder. A rich sounding chuckle was heard above me as we started to pace through our Sunday afternoon walk in the park once again. Erik found it fitting that since we were now living above ground, that we should have weekly walks in the park just as "he" promised so long ago.

"Christine," this had once again become another pet name he had for me, "I have been meaning to speak to you about something more serious while we are on the topic. Maybe we should sit down." He motioned to a near-by bench that sat next to the sidewalk under a new blooming tree that was just one of the many trees to surround us that day.

"What is it, Erik?" I was taken aback by his serious tone as we sat down.

"I think I may know what sacrifice your great-grandmother was speaking of." The wind blew a bit making things a little chilly. Erik took off his nice suede jacket to put around my shoulders, "I did not want to tell this until we were sure of Taylor surviving. I did not want you becoming too upset all at one time."

"Erik you know?" I asked with the tears nearly reaching my eyes. How could he have kept this from me for so long?

"Yes my love," he straightened the jacket that swallowed me then took my hands and cupped them with his own. "Taylor will be our only legitimate child. Once he was birthed, the doctor informed me that during surgery too many necessary reproductive parts of your body had been cut in order to save Taylor. As of now, reconstructive surgery is non-existent for you." I saw the winkles in his forehead reappear, "I am so sorry, my love."

I looked away from him to try to contemplate everything he just said. There was a thick forest in front of me that blocked me from being able to see anything but the path, but my years as an adult suddenly became very clear.

"I sacrificed any future children we could have had to save one who was already born. Erik, did I make the right choice? How could we ever know?"

"Of course you made the right choice!" he said taking my head in his hands to look me directly in the eyes, "Taylor is going to be a beautiful boy. There is no doubt that he will be great and I love him so much already. I would not want it any other way nor would I ever want you to ever suffer through labor pains again. You are cut up enough already." Sighing he took my shoulders and led them to lean upon his wide torso. His arms began to wrap around me tightly to keep me warm. I began to notice that he had begun to put on more muscle weight. His physical features began to stray from the original Erik I knew. "I love you no matter what my darling and if we ever want more children we can always adopt them, but for now, once child is perfect enough."

He held me to his chest as I cried. I had always dreamed of more than one child, but I never thought of any reason why I could not have as many as I wanted. Of course I loved Taylor there was no doubt in that, but I thought I would be the sacrifice, not my unborn children. Still, there was another thing that haunted my mind.

"Erik," I said to his shoulder.

"Yes, my love?"

I took a deep breath so quickly I nearly hiccupped.

"Can we still… you know?"

I felt his chest vibrate as he laughed a little to himself.

"What?" I asked taken off guard by his laughing at such a tense moment and turning around to face him. Sex with my husband would be important to me! Why would he laugh at that? How could he possibly think otherwise?

"You," he said kissing my lips quickly, but passionately, "are you still going to tell me that after knowing me for so long that you are still too innocent to say 'sex?'"

I blushed a little at his accusation.

"Well, there could be people around…" I mumbled.

Standing up and leaving me on the bench he looked around dramatically.

"I do not see a soul other than you, my dear. Who is to care if I am to say sex as loud as I please?" Laughing louder he turned away from me and towards the path we had been walking on. "Sex!" he shouted.

Just at that moment a woman and a baby carriage turned up the path and over the little hill Erik had just yelled at. She stopped for a moment, squinted her eyes, and turned to go back where she had come. My eyes widened in embarrassment as I dragged Erik down by his arm's sleeve to sit by me again. I was ready to scold him when he grabbed my head and led me to his lips for a full kiss. At first I tried to turn away, but he kept hold of me and stayed me so I could not block him. His arm wrapped around the back of my neck to lock me into his strong, warm embrace. Eventually, I felt his warm tongue slowly creep out of his mouth and into mine. Everything seemed like it used to seem with the two of us. It was getting dark outside, just as it had back at our old house. With my eyes closed I could no longer see my love and all of a sudden everything felt so right, which was a feeling that I had missed for such a long time. I relaxed and kissed him back without care of who could see. It seemed so long since we were able to kiss so passionately. We never could in the hospital because no one would understand. I began to want him badly all in a few minutes and by the way he kept kissing me I was sure that feelings had become mutual. For the first time in a long while, we were actually alone.

Pulling away to catch his breath he rested his forehead on mine letting our noses touch which made us both smile.

"It feels so good to kiss you in daylight, Christine."

Before I could answer, he leaned in to kiss me again. I threw my arms around his neck bringing us closer as he held on to my back. All of this reminded me of my original question that had to be asked before this went any farther and I forget everything but the present moment.

"Erik," I said pushing him away with what strength I had.

"What my darling?" he whispered leaning in again.

I had to turn away in response.

"Erik this is serious. I need to know whether we can have sex or not. Is it safe?"

He looked at me eerily with lust in his gold eyes that seemed to have faded to a greener coloring since I first saw him in the hospital. Another trick he was not willing to share with me I was sure. At first I thought he was going to try to kiss me again which was not answer to my question which made me begin to lean my head back as much as I could through the lock he had on my back. Just before I could scold him he leaned his head into my left cheek and rasped in my ear, "Do you really think I would be tempting you like this if I knew it would hurt you?" I felt a hot kiss to my ear lobe before he continued, "nothing will come out of our love making except pleasure, Christine."

I felt his lips to my neck as they began to make their way down. I wanted him so badly at that moment, but I knew that having intimate relations in a public park where women and their baby's went strolling on a Sunday evening was not a good idea.

"Where can we go?" I asked feeling his hands begin to massage the back of my upper neck making me feel relax and very vulnerable to anything he had coming next..

"Call your mom and tell her you are having dinner with me," he whispered into my ear again before kissing it.

"Is it too soon to – "

My sentence could not be finished due to his invasion into my mouth with his tongue. The heat rose between us and I could feel his need to press forward below me.

"It is not. Call her." He said kissing me again.

At his answer I could not help but laugh making his pull away in confusion.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked confused.

"You cannot expect me to call her with your tongue down my throat, Erik!" I giggled.

"I can always try." He smirked.

"Erik!" I slapped his arm playfully. He looked at the place where I had touched him then smiled evilly back towards me.

"My dear wants to play hard I see." He whispered beginning to advance towards me again.

I leaned an arm back to steady myself to the bench as he came closer. Before I could get any closer to it, his arm snaked around my back and brought me to his chest so quickly that it knocked the breath out of me. For a long moment we looked deeply into each other's eyes knowing and yearning to go father but knowing that at the present moment we could not.

Slowly, I saw him raise his hand and through my peripheral vision I saw him holding my cell phone. I turned to it confused at how he got it from me.

"Erik, how did you get that? I had it in my back pocket…"

My expression turned smug as he looked at me with as much innocents he could muster for the time when I knew that what he was thinking was anything but pure. I let out a quick laugh and grabbed at the phone. He pulled it away from me nearly making me fall on him. A chuckle escaped his lips as he stood up and began to run down the path leaving me only to chase after him.

We ran like a newlywed couple down the long path through the blossoming forest. Since he was so much taller than me it was much easier for him to get much farther than me. To play with me he would slow down at times just enough for me to get a few feet behind him. Then he would begin to sprint to keep a few yards distance between us. After this kept happening a few more times, when he began to intentionally slow down again I made a bold move and tried to jump on his back. He saw my attempt and turned around quickly to catch me in a giant hug. Next thing I knew he had picked me up and was spinning me around in the air as if I were weightless. Before I could get dizzy, he kneeled over to look me in the eyes so I would not have to look up to him.

Keeping me close he said, "Now darling, we cannot have you doing things like that again. Do you not agree that you have been in the hospital long enough?"

"But Erik I had nothing to worry about, did I?"

"What do you mean?" he smirked.

"I knew you were going to catch me Erik. I should not have that to worry about!" I teased as I turned around to his hands to grab my phone back from him. My pace quickened for a little as I ran forward with my prize. Of course it did not take long for him to catch up to me and grab me in a tight hug from behind. Laughter broke out between us for a little while longer.

"Now dearest," he said above me, "as much as I would love for our little game to continue, there are other things that I would also _love_ to do."

After the phone call was made we were running together, hand in hand, back to his car. He told me that we were going to go back to his house for the first time.

"And I am going to carry you over the threshold like any good husband would!" he laughed temporarily letting go of my hand to let me in his black BMW.

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	31. Across the Universe

**Disclaimer: If I were Gaston Leroux and owned Phantom of the Opera, I would not have hesitated posting this chapter due to my sadness ending my first ff story :(**

**a/n: thank you all. so very much. it's been quite a ride and i have learned so much about my writing as well as myself ever since starting this story. a special thanks to Broken-Vow, Avatarded, gravity01, sanna B., pastheart, BleedingHeartConservative, OceansAway, Cookie222, strodgfrgf, Genenieve Lee, The-Lonely-Child, Beautiful and Pale, Hott4Gerry, MadHatter48, LilyEvensPotter4456, Nonica, ever2green, Tytania Strange, The Phantom's Christine, and EVERYONE ELSE WHO READ AND REVIEWED!!!!! you all were so helpful to me in my times of wondering if this story was what people liked or not. i am sorry that my chapters could have not come out sooner especially now that i'm in college.**

**a/n #2: thank you thank you THANK YOU all again :D**

**a/n #3: i hope you all like fluff. get ready.**

**and for the last time... plz read & review**

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**Chapter Thirty-One – _Across the Universe_**

We had our third wedding in the fall of that year. It was held in the Monet Mansion and what meant the most to me was that all my friends were able to come before they had to leave for school. It felt strange that I would not be following them to some university or college, but for the time being, I had everything I wanted right where I was. I was sure that I would end up getting my G.E.D. at least within a few years. Erik made sure that I was well read and kept up on my studies so that I could achieve at least that much. He told me that if I really wanted to, I could audition for a few conservatories, but he made it clear that he would have to approve them first.

It turned out that Erik only lived a little over an hour from my mom's house which made everything really convenient. Erik's house is surrounded by many old trees that hide his entire property. The driveway alone is about a mile and a half long. There were lights that had to light the way because the moon was not always bright enough to lead a car at night. The house itself was three stories high. There was an indoor pool, three lounges, three bathrooms, a kitchen, a main dining hall that could fit a hundred people comfortably, a casual dining room that could hold fifteen, a billiard room, three sound-proof rooms where instruments could be played (all of which were close to the three bathrooms), five small guest bedrooms, three medium sized bedrooms that had private showers, two large bedrooms with full bathrooms, and then one master bedroom that could have fit my entire house in. The master bed room had two connecting bathrooms that had showers and bath tubs in as well as sinks and cabinets. There were also two walk-in closets that were the size of my old room.

Needless to say, Erik's house was an adventure in itself. There were even secret passageways that Erik promised to show me after the wedding when no one else was around. Every time I walked into the place there was something new and exciting to see. Erik encouraged my energy, but I knew that to him, all of the surroundings were just everyday life.

The third wedding was spared no expense. We had it Victorian themed (it matched the house well) and had everyone in the wedding dressed according to the time period. I was surprised Erik would let me have such a large wedding with so many people that I knew. There were ten bride's maids, ten groomsmen (seven of which were my friends), two flower girls, and the ring bearer turned out to be Taylor who was carried up the isle of our grand staircase by my mom. We stood together on the top of the first set of stairs above everyone who sat in our audience. Erik and I decided against having people sit on particular sides for either the bride or the groom. The numbers would have been strongly lopsided.

The party afterwards was held in the main dining room where all of the tables and chairs had been taken out so that there could be dancing. There was a live string quartet, a DJ and I also had a few of my friends from my high school entertain us with songs. Everything was so perfect and everyone looked so beautiful. I could never thank Erik enough for all that he had done. The wedding had been more than I could have even dreamed of.

What was most interesting of all was that no one questioned our sudden engagement and our insistency to get married so soon. I had at least thought that my mom would say to think things over a bit more, but she was the happiest of all once we told her the news. Erik certainly had done a great job winning over all my family and friends while I was gone. It was hard to believe how easily they trusted him. If only they knew the truth!

For the first year Taylor slept in our room. We had a place in the corner near our oversized bed made so that a crib and a changing table could be there. He was a very good baby and hardly even woke up at night; though I will say that it was hard to be intimate with him in the room even if he could not comprehend what was going on. After Erik laughed at my silly suspicions, he set up a curtain around Taylor's side of the room that we would often close at night. I have to admit that it did make me feel a little better.

Taylor's health surprised everyone around him. For that year we had to take him to his doctor once a mouth. Originally, that was going to continue for two years, but the doctor told us that he was growing well enough that it would not be necessary anymore. After that we only had to bring him in twice a year.

Many times I would find Erik in our room near the baby piano that he had place in another corner with Taylor on his lap as he pecked out notes. All Erik would tell me when he found me with him in the room was that "He is going to be great someday. You just watch how great our boy will be!"

Erik and I continued my music lessons as well. They usually happened while Taylor was asleep during the afternoons. In the mornings Erik made sure that we spent time with our baby. It was obvious to me that he wanted to be there for his child unlike how his parents had treated him. Erik was such a dutiful father. I wondered if there was anyone who could possibly be better than him in the entire world.

After the doctor's good reviews on Taylor, we moved him to the room next to ours that had a secret passage leading to it. The room was the next-to-largest room in the house and at first I thought it to be too big for such a little child, but since it was the closest to our room, I had to agree that it was the best choice. Erik had the room completely remodeled to be play room as well as a bed room. There was even a baby piano that was not as high for an adult installed so that Taylor could reach it easier. The keys were also a little thinner than usual.

"I do not want him having any trouble reaching the piano, Christine. This way he will want to play it more."

Erik was right. Taylor did enjoy his piano. Once he learned to speak he would toddle up to his piano bench and say in toddler language that he wanted to "pway lak daddy!" Erik started him with simple right handed songs for the piano, but in finding that the boy was ambidextrous, he moved him on to easy two-handed songs. That was when he was two years old. I certainly had never heard of a child playing anything at two.

Sammy also lived with us from the beginning. He had his own spot in our room and soon moved to Taylor's room. Sammy, who usually did not want to deal with rif-raf, took on to Taylor very well and put up with the baby's petting and playing. Taylor was a gentle boy with all things around him. He did not often throw things when he was upset of angry. Maybe that was why Sammy tolerated him. Sammy soon became Taylor's own little pet and soon followed him around more than he ever followed me.

My dog, Luke, also came to live with us. Sammy and Luke's reunion was not much to say. They were brought before each other just inside our front door. At first, Sammy bent down and was ready to run, but then Luke ran up to him like he used to and Sam ran away. They played their strange old game of tag for the rest of the week. Neither of them ever got hurt, but that was always how they played before and I guess they found no reason to change that.

I think that Luke felt as a sort of grandfather to Taylor. Luke had brought Sammy up as if it was his own puppy and now that Sammy had adopted his own pet, Luke just followed suit with their weird family tree. Since Luke was nearing eleven years, he could not always keep up with the cat and baby and so he stayed back with me just as he used to do.

It was coming upon the month of March once again and I could not help but notice how suddenly excited Erik had become. One afternoon he came to me and took my hands with the energy of a child.

"Christine I have a surprise for you!"

"What Erik?" I laughed at him for acting in such a way.

"You have to follow me, my love! I asked Mother to come over to the house to watch Taylor while we are out."

I noticed how quickly and willing he was at claiming my mother as his own. He had never really been given the chance to have a mother or treat a woman as such. My mom never minded. While he was much older than me at the time, she completely approved of him. I understand how the two of them had become such a good friends while I was "away" but I never would have thought that she would have supported us as she did.

For our first (or fourth anniversary) Erik led me through a secret passageway that he had yet to show me. Many times he would lead me on little adventures through the tunnels that ran through and under his mansion. It surprised me how clean everything was. I had always thought of secret passageways consisting of century old stones surrounded by cobwebs, booby traps, and torches. One time, Erik said that there were a few booby traps around, but we had yet to come across any. I wonder if he said things like that to keep me closer to him. It would not be a surprise.

The tunnels were made of big black blocks that Erik said were thick enough to survive atomic bombs that could erupt as close as a mile away. There were lights down there that were basically low watt bulbs that hung from an electrical wire from the ceiling. Erik enjoyed turning those already dim lights on and off at his leisure when trying to scare me so that I would jump closer to him. Sometime he would kiss me by surprise and other times he would just laugh. I came to the conclusion that he had a remote somewhere on him at all times that controled all the lights around him. Of course he never confirmed my theory whenever I asked him. He liked to think that there was still some deep mystery about him that I could never figure out.

The path we were on now seemed a lot longer and more difficult to maneuver around than all the other ones I remembered. For the most part Erik was silent which was also strange. Usually we would carry on conversations about the history of other catacombs and underground passageways. The lights seemed to get dimmer the farther that we went and my grip on Erik's hand tightened. He noticed and turned around to smile warmly at me.

Eventually, the lights became more sparingly on the wire from the ceiling until I saw up ahead that there were no lights left at all. As Erik kept pulling me forward I could not help but stop. Everything had been so eerie so far and I was not sure if I could handle another one of Erik's little tricks.

"Erik," I said unsurely. He heard my calling him after a few seconds pause and finally turned to me.

"Come Christine, there is no reason to be afraid." He said trying to reassure me as he tried to take me into the complete darkness.

"Erik, where are you taking me?" I asked putting more of a resounding halt in my pace.

Finally, he completely stopped to turn to me as he took both of my hands in his.

"I want to show you something," he did not quite meet my eyes, "it is a surprise."

"But what is down there that cannot have light?" I asked trying to bring his eyes to mine and failing.

"You will know when you see it. There cannot be light, Christine. I know where I am going, you must trust, Erik."

That was when I really knew he was nervous. He only went into third person speech when he was near the height of an emotion.

"Erik, please, you can tell me, do not be nervous."

"No, Christine. Erik has a surprise for his wife. Stay close to me, love. These paths are not as safe as the others. Keep quiet unless Erik speaks to you for it may not be safe. Trust your husband, my love."

There was no talking with him when he got like this. There was only listening until something snapped back to sanity in his mind that brought him back to Earth. Taking a deep breath, I nodded and let him guide me through the darkness. There were many twists and turns here. My feet felt little pebbles under them and marked unpaved walkways. Sometimes I could not help but trip, but Erik was always there to make sure to pick me and keep us at the same pace as before.

Our pace was steady and quick for the most part. Every so often Erik would stop completely and have to take hold of my waist to make sure I did not walk past him. The first time he did this I screamed, but then I heard his whispered shushing in my ear and I was able to take a breath of relief.

In the far distance I spotted a little red light before us. It was not enough to light the tunnel in a way that I could see anything specific, but it was just enough to lightly break my night vision. Once we approached it, Erik let go of my hand to walk a little ways past it. He knelt to scoop something up in his hand. I realized he was drinking water once he wiped his chin from the remaining water. I could not tell where the little light was coming from, I could only tell that it was there. Everything began to suddenly fall into place.

"Sit next to me."

I did so and we looked intensely into each other's eyes for a long time.

"Do you remember this place?"

This time I honestly did remember the place. I had been there before and I remember it as the first place we were married.

"Yes," I said in a low tone.

"I love you, Christine."

I half way smiled and took his hand in mine.

"I love you too, Erik." I could not help but laugh a little, "I am glad at how far we have come since then."

The light showed him returning the same half smile I wore. Patting my hand that held his he agreed.

"This will always be a special place to me, Christine. After all it was where we were first married."

I laughed again, "Yes, who can say that they had three weddings in three years?"

"No darling, we exchanged our vows before; we only had one wedding that you truly deserved."

My eyes rolled at his logic that did make sense. He rose to sit on his knees and I followed him thinking he was going to get up.

"No, stay on your knees." He took my hands in his and looked in my eyes, "I thought it was time to exchange vows again considering it has become an annual thing for us."

I smiled and nodded. Erik cleared his throat somewhat dramatically and began to make his vows once again.

"I Erik Monet, take my wife Christine Daae Rachel Carson Monet," I laughed at my nick name, "to stay my wife, to have and hold through the night and day, through the sicknesses of labor and the health of recovery, till death do us part. God willing it never will."

I smiled again and looked down slightly embarrassed by his sweet actions. This time, instead of making me agree to vows I felt him lightly squeeze my hand in encouragement.

"And I," I could not help but let out a little giggle, "Christine Daae Rachel Carson Monet take Erik Monet to remain my husband, to have and to hold whether I think it is a good time or not, through the sicknesses that you never have and the health that never leaves you, until death comes."

We both laughed a little bit now.

"May we live long together with Taylor." He said softly.

"Amen." I agreed.

Leaning forward he place a light kiss on my lips. For a few moments we looked into each other's souls enjoying how much nicer these vows were compared to our original ones.

"I have something else to show you, my love." He said without breaking eye contact.

"More?" I asked as he helped me up from the floor.

Smiling he said softly, "Follow me."

We were once again walking through the winding underground paths. Erik was not as nervous now and our walk seemed more casual than before. Without too much time passing we had stopped and I heard Erik placing a small key into what was before us.

"Close your eyes, my love."

Nodding my head I followed his command. He then put a big hand over my eyes.

"You do not trust me! I am your wife now!"

"Which is exactly why I do not trust you." He said jovially as I heard a door open in front of us. Lights began to flicker on to life and my eyes opened by instinct. "I told you I could not trust you." He said feeling my eye lashes tickle his hand.

We walked forward a little more until he stopped and I could feel his breath on my right ear. I thought he was going to speak until I felt his lips make contact with my ear. He began to make a trail of kisses down my neck that left even hotter skin in their wake. Even after three years he had an effect on me that I could never ignore as I began to tilt my head to the side to give him more area to kiss.

I began to feel his hand that was over my eyes began to move me toward him, leading me to his face. Keeping my eyes shut, I began to feel his slow lips on my own and I responded quickly as my arms flew up to encase his neck to bring him closer. He responded by finally taking his hand from my face and circling my back with his arms. I began to feel the need to be even closer to him as my right leg began to wrap around his leg as I began to plead for what he knew I wanted. His hand then found my leg and held it there for a moment before moving farther up my leg. I gasped in excitement for what I thought he was going to do, but his hand instead moved its way back to the small of my back. A pout escaped me and Erik let me go slightly so that we could look into each other's eyes.

"What was that, Rachel?" he asked amused at my yearning.

"Erik do not play tricks with me!" I said getting angry then trying to kiss him again only to be met by a finger to my lips. "Erik!"

"This was not my original intention."

"But Erik – " I pouted again.

"Now, now, wife, I brought you here to show you something."

"But Erik!" Now I was angrier at being refused for the first time I could ever remember.

"Christine look around."

It was then I realized where he had taken me. We were back in the house by the lake. I gasped.

"I take it you are surprised, love?"

"Erik… it has been so long."

"Too long."

Taking his hand I began to walk through the house as if it were a dream. Every room I entered had so many memories attached to it. It was as if stepping into a movie and I could see the old Erik and Christine sitting down for tea on the ottoman, or playing music on the piano. I could not believe that this had been home for so long.

"Everything is how you left it, Christine." He said somewhere behind me, "I thought we could stay here tonight, if you wished it."

"Yes," I said breathily, "of course."

"Shall I make us dinner?" he asked.

I must have agreed for then he was gone and I was left to explore the house that had not changed since we left it. After wondering through most of the house I finally came to my room. The door was open, but I could not immediately step in. I could see myself on the bed before me, wearing a white cotton nightgown, curled up and crying staring at an old beaten candle on the night stand. I looked so young and pitiful. It is hard to imagine how Erik ever put up with me all the time. I had grown up so much then that it seemed as if a completely different person. In seeing me the young girl pulled the sheets up over her head where she quickly disappeared leaving me in an empty room.

With time and courage, I took my first step in. Where I stood was where we took our vows for the second time. To my left was where I unmasked Erik for the first time. A little ways before me was where Erik sat when I was sick so that he could talk to me. Then there was the bed. I never thought so many memories could be there. It seemed that there were so many that I could not even focus in on a few without seeing all of them at once which made me dizzy.

Cautiously, a hand came to rest on my shoulder.

"I thought you would save this room for last. After all it is your own."

Looking back at him with a heavy heart, I turned to slip my arm around his waist. He held me there for a while. There was so much emotion surrounding us because I knew that our thoughts were the same, but there was not much we could do but look into our past. All of the emotions I had were so jumbled that I could never decide whether I wanted to cry or laugh or what.

Erik's words stuck me suddenly. He had said it was my room, but it no longer seemed that way to me. Looking up to him I waited for his daydreaming to end to that he would look at me.

"No Erik," I said softly, "this is not my room. It is _our_ room. It has always been our room."

Smiling gently he squeezed me for a moment to be closer to him as we looked on.

He had fixed a nice dinner for us in the old dining room. It was so strange to see him eat in front of me with full facial expressions. Our conversation was light without any deep thoughts attached. We were afraid to draw any new memories of ourselves to this place. We were different people now and this entire place was just a memory now.

We took tea to the music room instead of the library. He told me of how he had composed a new piece for me when he came back to the house before bringing me. His hands graced the keys and produced the sounds of love. Love then turned into pain, confusion and suffering, but it always had the undertones of happiness attached. The feelings would rise and fall until they remained joyous for a long time, now with undertones of pain. The pain seemed to grow until it all ended with a sort of bang. I thought the song was over for all I heard was Erik's painting, but then as unexpectedly as it had been taken away, the song grew of happiness and I was reminded of Taylor. This brilliant piece was our story in music form and by the end of it I could not help but sob.

At first Erik sat next to me, letting my tears soak the right shoulder of his jacket. For a long time he stayed like that with me, letting everything fall through tears. With time the tears died down a bit and I felt very weak. He slipped an arm under my shoulders and knees and I was lifted from the sofa and into the air.

We were returning to our bedroom. It had been so long since we were there together and at first I was afraid of letting my memories take hold of me. Before reaching the threshold, I took a quick grasp of Erik's collar.

"Erik no!" I gasped.

"What is my love?" he asked warmly as if speaking to a child.

"Erik I am afraid."

He laughed deeply, "What is new?"

"Erik I am serious! Please do not kid with me now!"

"What is the problem, child?"

Burying my head under his neck as he held me with strong arms I whimpered, "Erik all of this is too much to handle. There are so many memories I cannot help, but feel them all. I am not ready."

"Let us not live in the past, my love," he cooed from above me as I felt his chest vibrate from his voice, "but if it really does bother you so deeply, we can still go back to the mansion. There is still time to return if you so wish it."

He was right as usual. Since Erik and I were such different people, we could not let the demons of the past take hold of us. So much had changed since I first came here, but none of that mattered. I was in love with Erik and he would never stop loving me. Only I hurt myself down here and now that Erik and I were together, nothing could ever bring me down to those pits of depression and sadness again. Sighing I made my decision.

"Let me down, please." I asked dryly, embarrassed that I could not walk to this point.

Once letting me down, Erik held to my waist to make sure I did not sway into a wall. He understood how delicate I was at the time. I nodded to him reassuringly as I lightly took his hands from me. Slowly, as if I were afraid the next step would make everything fly away, I began to make my way into the room.

Silhouettes of our past seemed to swim around me as I went, but as I walked closer to the bed they seemed to become fainter and began to move slower as I gained more strength in myself. With each step the bad memories seemed to fade quicker than the others leaving only the good ones that came with some of our last month's together down in the house.

Suddenly, I woke up from my daydreaming and found myself sitting on the bed looking to the floor. I smiled thinking of the last time I had been there specifically. It had been that awkward morning after Erik and I took our second vows. Smiling to myself and shook my head. My head turned back to the man at the door as he waiting for a signal to come in. I smiled at him and he followed my trail to sit with me on the bed where we stayed in silence for a long time.

Hours later I was dressed in my old night gown and was waiting for him to join me for bed. A candle flickered beside me on the nightstand. I stared at it and became lost in its light glow. It no longer laughed at me. I heard nothing at all from it as I hummed left over tunes I remembered from the song Erik had played for me earlier.

When coming into the room, Erik caught me staring at the thing I used to feel so close to.

"Can you sleep without it tonight?"

At first he said that playfully, and then I realized through my silence that he really did want to make sure I was comfortable. I sighed and smiled at him.

"I choose you tonight."

"Only tonight?"

"Every night."

He returned a smile to me and I saw that he was holding something in his hands, playing with it uncomfortably. The black material that encouraged our memories to turn out the way they did was being trifled with lightly before he spoke.

"I left it down here for if we ever came back. I was not sure to wear it or not."

I half-way smirked.

"Would it make you feel better, my love?" I asked.

"I do not know. I now feel so strange without it now, naked almost."

"Good!" I spat making him look up suddenly, "You made me feel naked too many times for comfort down here. I would say it is my turn!"

Laughing lightly at me, he placed the mask on my dresser and began to climb into bed. Taking my waist in his arms he held me so close to his body that we seemed to mold together. It was like the first night we had been together, except now I was happy and calm with my husband. This time I really did want to be with him. This time I loved him.

"I love you Christine." He said tenderly kissing my temple.

"I love you too, Erik." I replied snuggling into the pillow under his chin and closing my eyes.

"May I ask one favor of you, my love?" he asked stirring me from my peace only a moment.

"Yes, love?"

"Blow out that candle."

Without hesitation I smiled and heaved a gentle breath to blow towards the candle which extinguished it for the rest of the night.

* * *

**find the song Across the Universe by Rufus Wainwright and play it now and you will understand the mood i intended for this scene :) **

**THANKS AGAIN. and also... i have a confession... i don't have an epologue written as of now, but if you all would like to know what happens in a few years, do tell me. also, how old would you like to see taylor IF there were an epologue? if none of you like the idea then, thank you again and happy story telling to you all!**

**God's love,**

**~the yellow flower**


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